


What If...

by mltrefry



Series: It Was Always You [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, One Shot Collection, Only Happy Endings, Romance, SO MUCH FLUFF, Situational appropriate angst, What-If, chances never taken, crowley's father is an asshole in any universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 72,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24516298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mltrefry/pseuds/mltrefry
Summary: A call never made, chances never taken. Lives never lived, and lives that never stopped living.Each story a spin on what would happen to Anthony Crowley and Ezra Fell if only one thing changed in their lives as it happened in "It Was Always You"
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: It Was Always You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765738
Comments: 234
Kudos: 151





	1. ...Ezra made the call

**Author's Note:**

> And here it is, the What Ifs.  
> If there's a chapter or specific scene in which these came from, they have been labeled as to what chapter they came from if you want more than the snippet I provided as reference. In most cases, you can either assume or not that the events that happened in the original take place after the ending of each of this if those events (like Eliza's passing).  
> If these inspire you, or they weren't how _you_ imagine it, please feel free to write, draw, or anything your own version. I would love to be tagged so I can see them, and in case anyone was worried I don't care about the rating you choose to write under (just because I personally can't write at a higher rating, doesn't mean I don't read them :D )
> 
> BTW, Phantomstardemon has written an explicit scene from the original fic of their first time together. You can find it here:https://archiveofourown.org/works/25632409
> 
> And now, on with the show!

_Original scene from Chapter 31_

_Ezra poured a decent amount of the red liquid and then sat trying to sort through the aches and numbness, wanting to find a way to fix something inside him._

_He looked at his phone, and picked it up, unlocking and opening his contacts._

_Anthony’s name was no longer listed, not since he realized Eliza had noted it. He’d changed it to a simple Astrix, keeping it there, at the top as something he knew only he would relate to Anthony. A star, really, for all those times they’d laid out and looked at them - drunk or otherwise. For the interest he had, though maybe not quite enough to become his focus, not like plants had. Eliza had explained emojis once, but he wasn’t about to use a plant to mark a number he hadn’t used in years. A number he purposely carried over from his old flip phone to this new, stylish touch screen despite its disuse._

_He looked at it now as he took a sip of wine. What would Anthony do if he called? Would he answer at all? Would the conversation be polite and stilted? Would he immediately hang up upon understanding it was Ezra?_

His thumb, which had been hovering over the contact listing, gave out. And when it did so, it made direct contact with the call button.

Ezra was immediately seized with panic.

 _Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_ , he thought to himself as he could hear the ringing from the speaker. 

Too late to back down, too late to hang up and hope it never went through, Ezra put the phone shakily to his ear and half-hoped for the number to no longer belong to the one person he missed desperately.

A ring.

Another ring.

“Crowley,” Anthony answered, his voice so much better than Ezra remembered. And hearing it on the other side of the line after so very, very long after the last few days brought tears to Ezra’s eyes.

“Anthony.” He said, or breathed, or whispered. He certainly didn’t shout it, the name was spoken with too much reverence, too much naked longing for it to be anything above a normal speaking level (and Ezra was sure it hadn’t been that loud). He quivered, his stomach a mess of butterflies as he waited to hear the click of the disconnected line.

“Ezra?” Anthony replied, and _oh_ , how Ezra really hoped he wasn’t imagining the same naked hope and reverence echoed back at him.

He laughed and cried at once. “Anthony,” He repeated with a growing smile.

“Angel, you-” Anthony started and stopped, stuttering. “Is it… fuck, is it really you?” 

Ezra laughed again, nodding before he got himself together. “It is.” He managed.

Anthony was laughing incredulously. “Wh- How- how are you?” He asked, sounding so unsure what to say and yet longing to say so much.

Ezra sobered. “I’ve been better.” He replied, getting up from the sofa and moving for the doors that led to the room’s balcony. “Mum passed.” He confessed as he stepped outside.

“Oh,” Anthony replied, “Ezra I’m… I’m so sorry. How… are you?”

“It wasn’t unexpected, she’d been sick for a couple years now,” Ezra explained as he looked out over the place he grew up. He wasn’t terribly high up, he could only see a couple of blocks, but he’d noticed enough familiar landmarks to make speaking to Anthony bittersweet. “I’m back home until tomorrow, possibly the day after.”

“A-at the house?” Anthony asked.

“No. No, Eliza and I are at a hotel. Oh, you must remember that one there near the library I used to work at. Looks a lot more posh than it is?”

There was a pause on the other end for a moment. “Are you joking?”

“Why would I joke about that?” Ezra asked, realizing suddenly how _easy_ this was, talking to Anthony again after six years. 

“I… what room are you in?”

Ezra blinked. “531.” He replied.

“I’m… w-would it be alright if I came to see you?” Anthony asked hesitantly.

“Oh,” Ezra gasped out, hand going to his lips.

Would it be alright? Would it be alright for Anthony Crowley to be present in his life, physically, again after all this time? Would it be alright if Ezra were to be able to look upon him, to see his eyes and maybe his smile? 

“Yes, I rather think it would.” He managed to say. “H-how long do you think you’ll be?”

“Five minutes,” Anthony replied automatically. “Ten if it’s busy.”

Ezra blinked. “You’re… you’re in town?”

“Yeah,” Anthony laughed. “I’m… I’m here to see my dad. Oh, angel, I have… I have _so_ much to tell you, you have no idea.”

Ezra beamed. “Well, I look forward to hearing it.” He said, looking out over the streets again. “Did you… did you want to stay on the line, or?”

“No, can go faster if I’m not holding my phone. Text you when I’m in the lobby.”

“Right. I’ll see you shortly.” Ezra said, ringing off and staring at his phone.

Anthony was coming. He was on his way.

And… Ezra was in his pajamas.

“Oh, fuck,” He said, bowing his head, realizing he had no time to change and would have no idea what he would want to change into even if he _did_ have the time. “Excellent second first impression.” Ezra scolded himself, taking a few more minutes to breathe deep some fresh, cool air before going back inside and draining his glass of wine to give him just a little bit more courage.

~C~

“AJ?” Tony asked, sounding concerned. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I need a favor,” Crowley replied quickly, the hotel coming up soon. 

“Sure thing,” Tony replied in the common dad tone, probably only just leaving off the “kiddo” for Crowley’s sake.

“I need you to watch Warlock. I’m… I’m sorry, I hate to bail on dinner like this, but…” He stopped impatiently at the light. 

“What’s going on?” Tony asked, his concern more evident.

It took far more strength to say the name than Crowley thought it would. The reality of all this, of looking at the hotel and knowing Ezra Fell was inside, waiting for him, was almost too much for his brain to handle. “Ezra. Here. Ezra’s here, and he…, gak.” He stammered. “Called. Me. Lost his mum and… I….”

“Go on, then.” Tony teased as the light changed and Crowley nearly bolted across the street. “Go make amends. You need it.”

“Thanks. If you need anything, if Lock needs me.” He started to say. 

“I will call,” Tony assured. “But as I’m a doctor, I don’t think there isn’t anything I can’t handle except if he only wants _you_.”

“Be back when I’m back,” Crowley replied, looking up the building as he hung up. Five floors up, so damn close.

He entered the hotel, texting Ezra with shaky fingers on the way. The lift, mercifully, was there and waiting, and he ducked in before the doors had a chance to close. Before they shut, he thought he saw Gabriel Haven in the lobby texting someone on his phone.

But… nah… unless….

It hadn’t occurred to him that, while Ezra called him, it didn’t mean that things were magically going to work out in the way Crowley was hoping they would deep down. Just because Ezra had been willing to have him there, to talk with him face to face, didn’t mean a third person wasn’t going to suddenly enter the room, soothe Ezra, k-

 _Nope, don’t go there,_ Crowley demanded of himself, stepping off the lift and using the signs posted in the hallway to make his way to Ezra’s hotel room.

He stood outside, looking at the number on the door, more scared than he was ever before. Even finding out he was going to be a father, the decision to parent Warlock alone, wasn’t as terrifying as lifting his fist and rapping on the door.

There was movement on the other side, the sound of a lock turning, and then the door opening.

Crowley’s heart was in his throat, and seeing Ezra on the other side of the threshold was as much of a punch in the gut as hearing his voice on the other end of a phone call was.

He was still so beautiful. A little rounder and softer than a few years back, his eyes were rimmed red with grief, but he was still the most beautiful man Crowley had ever seen in his life.

Ezra looked him over with a wonderfully wistful smile, his eyes beginning to sparkle in the light. “You’re here.” He whispered. “You’re actually here.”

“Yeah,” Crowley said, feeling his own eyes beginning to sting with unshed tears.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Ezra declared, and the next thing Crowley knew he had his arms full of Ezra, his face pressed into a neck that smelled like home. A pair of arms clinging on to him like he was the only thing keeping Ezra earthbound, and he was squeezing just as tightly.

“I missed you, too.” He said. “I missed you and I’m sorry, so sorry.”

“Me too. Oh, Anthony, I’m so sorry, too” Ezra said, nearly weeping.

They held each other in the doorway for a few more seconds before Ezra sniffed and stepped back. 

“Would you like to come in?” He asked. “I have a bottle of wine I probably shouldn’t be drinking alone.”

“I’d like that.” Crowley smiled stepping in and letting the whole “drinking alone” part sink in. 

Ezra wasn’t here with Gabriel, he wasn’t intending to have anyone else with him.

Crowley shuddered with glee and relief as Ezra collected a second standard hotel tumbler and led him over to the sofa. He poured Crowley a glass, and then the two sat down on the sofa.

For a ridiculous amount of time, they just stared at each other with little grins on their lips. Most people would have probably grown uncomfortable to be looked at for so long, but it seemed Ezra had wanted to drink in his presence as much as Crowley wanted to drink in his. He wanted to drown in it if he could.

“So,” Ezra said after a while. “You said you had so much to tell me.”

“Yeah,” Crowley blinked. Then chuckled. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“You said you were here to see your father.” Ezra offered, then shyly added, “I was under the impression your parents had moved on from here.”

“James and mum did,” Crowley replied. “Dad didn’t.” He smirked as Ezra frowned. “Remember the doctor from A&E?”

Ezra’s eyes darted about. “Yes, he was- no!” He said as it clearly clicked in place.

“Yeah,” Crowley said. “Yeah, turns out I have this whole family. A sister, two brothers.” He listed. “A sorta step mum but I only met her twice and we… it’s not that we don’t get along, but we aren’t terribly fond of one another. She’s hardly around, anyway.”

“That’s wonderful,” Ezra smiled. “How long have you had them in your life?”

“Six years,” Crowley replied. “It was….” He looked at the wine waiting for him on the coffee table. “It was after I sent you the email.”

It was quiet a moment.

“I should have written more,” Ezra said. “I just… I didn’t know what to say. I had sort of thought that maybe… maybe you were just saying it to clear the air, to not have burned bridges as it were.”

Crowley shook his head. “I just didn’t know how to sum up how monumentally stupid I was.” He admitted. “It’s just… Gabriel was telling me all about how you two were going to go on a date, and I just-”

“Hold on.” Ezra interrupted. “Gabriel was telling you… what? Oh, oh that’s right he seemed to think that I had agreed to that. A date, I mean. I had thought he was just talking about ‘hanging about’.” Ezra said, the furrow in his brow begging to be smoothed away.

Crowley kept his hands to himself, however, as something sunk in. “So you and Gabriel aren’t…?”

“Aren’t…? Oh! Oh, _no_.” Ezra said vehemently. “No, I… I can’t say I was ever interested in him like that.”

It was Crowley’s turn to frown. “You know he’s down in the lobby, don’t you?”

Ezra sighed. “I do.” He confessed. “He had apparently attempted to see if I was here but it must have been when I had stepped outside. It’s why I came back in, I didn’t want to miss you somehow. He was texting me while I was waiting for you.”

Crowley nodded. “So… is there… anyone? Like, do you have a partner who couldn’t be here, or?”

Ezra blushed. “No,” he said. “No, I’m… I don’t have anyone.” He reached for his wine glass but didn’t drink from it. “What about you? Is there a partner waiting for you to get back home from your dad’s? Or waiting at your dad’s for you to come back?”

“No, no partner,” Crowley smiled. “But….”

“But,” Ezra said quietly. “You have someone.”

“A son,” Crowley confessed, smiling as Ezra’s eyes went wide. “His name’s Warlock, he just turned one a bit ago.” 

“Oh,” Ezra said, eyebrows going momentarily higher. “My nephew is just over one.” He said. 

“Liza’s a mum?” Crowley asked, smiling wider.

“Yes,” Ezra grinned. “But you have a son, does his… is his mum…?”

“Just me and him. His mum, well, it was a bit of a tricky situation. She didn’t want him, but I did. Raising him on my own.”

“Completely?” Ezra asked.

“Yeah,” he said, reaching in his pocket and taking out his phone, showing Ezra his lock screen which featured a gummy grin of the then birthday boy with his singular cupcake in front of him. “That’s my boy.”

“Oh, Anthony. He’s absolutely precious.” Ezra cooed, taking Crowley’s phone. “He’s just lovely.”

“Yeah,” Crowley agreed. “He’s my world. I… well I opened a shop in London, the Garden.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of that,” Ezra said, surprising Crowley. “My friend Richard is over the moon about the place, talks about it all the time. Drives Oscar completely mad.”

“Oscar? Your ex Oscar?” Crowley asked as he took his phone back.

“We’re good friends again,” Ezra explained. “Actually, I was the best man at his wedding. I’d introduced him and Richard. Richard, in turn, introduced me to my ex, David. He was a teacher as well, though he did maths.”

“You’re a teacher!” Crowley asked, delighted by this turn of events.

“I am,” Ezra said, grinning in turn.

And so it went, the two of them catching one another up as the sun went down, and the bottle of wine was down to dredges. Crowley basked in it, at how easy it was, like nothing ever happened. Ezra’s laugh reminded him of the sun on his skin earlier in the day, but warming him more completely. After a while, casual touches had even wormed their way back in, and Crowley’s fingers were damn near tingly from the feel of Ezra’s skin beneath their tips.

When it was rounding close to midnight, he sighed. “I should be heading back.” He said reluctantly. “Tony’s the sort that will stay up until you’re ‘home’ even if you’re an adult.”

“Alright, my dear,” Ezra said, seeming crestfallen despite the understanding grin. They rose from the sofa, setting the empty tumblers on the coffee table. “It was wonderful seeing you again, after all this time.”

“Yeah, it was.” Crowley agreed, willing his feet to move despite his desperately not wanting to go. “How long will you be in town for?”

Ezra sighed, “I’m due to check out tomorrow, and Eliza and I are going to get the train back to Tadfield.”

Crowley nodded, looking at the door like it was the entry to hell.

“Do you think… maybe we can have breakfast tomorrow?” Crowley asked, hoping he sounded casual and not as desperate as he felt. “You could meet Lock.”

“I would be delighted,” Ezra replied, sounding relieved. “And, maybe… maybe we could do this again, sometime? I, umm, I take Adam to London on weekends. Perhaps… maybe.”

“No, definitely.” Crowley nodded, spinning around to face Ezra. “Definitely, yeah, you, me, the boys, I’d-yeah. Like that.” He swallowed, hand flailing behind him for the doorknob. His hand made contact, and he managed to get it to turn. He opened the door without looking, backing out as to not lose sight of Ezra.

Ezra looked reluctant for him to leave. “Don’t be a stranger.” He said, wringing his hands.

“Angel, you aren’t getting rid of me again,” Crowley warned. 

Ezra beamed, “Oh, good. Well, mind how you go, then. And please let me know when you get back to your father’s safely.”

“I will,” Crowley agreed, deciding to throw caution to the wind and go in for another hug.

He damn near fainted when he felt Ezra’s lips brush his cheek. He may have rushed to return the favor. He may have caught more of Ezra’s lips than he had his cheek. He may not have cared.

He and Ezra stood in one another’s arms, looking all the world like they had no idea what they should be doing.

“Until tomorrow,” Ezra finally managed to say.

“Goodnight, angel.” Crowley nearly whispered, forcing himself away so he could go back to Tony’s, the promise of Ezra in the morning the only thing besides Warlock that allowed him to walk away.

~A~  
  


Ezra was waiting for Anthony in the cafe the next morning, nervous and excited all over again. He’d barely slept, terrified he’d wake up only to discover that the whole thing was just a very pleasant dream. But the two dirty glasses reminded him it wasn’t, and that put quite the spring in his step when he left.

He had his tea and his scone waiting, not wanting to touch it until Anthony was with him. 

He didn’t have to wait long.

Ezra spotted him through the window the moment he came into view, his son on his hip and a bag slung over his shoulder. He opened the door to the cafe with his back, a motion that was fluid, graceful, and clearly well-practiced. It was a bit disappointing to see the dark lenses on his face, but they didn’t stay long. Though Ezra admitted, he was a bit taken aback by the brown eyes beneath them.

He didn’t have time to process them before Anthony moved toward him, a smile pulling at his lips. “Hi,” he said simply.

“Hello,” Ezra greeted, standing as Anthony neared. “And this must be Lock,” he said, turning to the toddler on Anthony’s hip.

“This is him. Say ‘hello’ Lock.” Anthony encouraged in a cooing voice.

“Hi,” the toddler replied automatically, more focused on the toy in his hand, and Ezra grinned.

“Do you mind staying with him a moment while I get some things?” Anthony asked, gesturing to the counter with his head. Ezra was already reaching for the boy before Anthony had finished the sentence but replied all the same.

“I don’t mind at all.” He assured, holding Warlock the same way he would hold Adam, bringing him over to the table he’d chosen, thankful he had the foresight to grab one with a bench.

He set Warlock down, “Hello, Lock.” He said again, this time having the boy look at him. “What’s this you have, then?” He asked, pointing to the toy. “Is this train?”

Warlock looked at the toy then held it up. 

Ezra mocked-gasped. “It _is_ a train, how delightful.” He beamed, getting a gummy grin out of Warlock and feeling a part of his heart get captured in the process. “I ride trains a lot. Do you know what sound a train makes? It goes ‘choo-choo’.” 

“Too-too” Warlock mimicked. 

“Yes, ‘choo choo’,” Ezra said again, and Warlock gave him a little wave of his hands, a sure sign of approval, and Ezra looked up and caught Anthony watching them. He took in Ezra and Warlock with something like want, and hope, and when he realized Ezra had noticed him he gave such a beautiful half-smile that Ezra was sure he’d fallen arse over tea-kettle that much more in love with the man.

One night, and it was like the last six years hadn’t happened. Warlock aside of course.

He felt a little hand get his attention, and he looked back to the boy and gave mock delight when he was presented with the same train he’d been shown just moments before.

Warlock seemed to approve.

“Hey, sunshine.” Gabriel’s voice startled him. He looked up to see his friend looking quite confused. He glanced at Warlock a couple of times before turning to Ezra, seeming to choose to ignore the boy. “How are you?”

“I’m well, Gabriel, thank you. You… stayed overnight?”

“Yeah,” Gabriel said, glancing around the cafe. “I couldn’t reach you last night and didn’t want to try your room again after the first. I figured if you needed me you’d call or text. But, yeah, I grabbed a room. Glad I ran into you, actually, I was going to call and see if you wanted to grab a bite.”

“I’m afraid I already have company this morning,” Ezra replied, glancing at Warlock when the lad put his hand on Ezra’s arm again.

“With who?” Gabriel asked, sounding confused.

Ezra looked at Gabriel, about to reply when he noticed Anthony right behind him.

“With me,” Anthony said, flashing a devilish grin that was full of teeth Gabriel’s way. He then slid into the chair across from Ezra, setting down a cup of coffee and a pastry before grabbing a cup out of the bag on his hip for Warlock. “He’s already eaten,” Anthony explained to Ezra as Warlock reached for the drink. “But he’s a sucker for apple juice. Figure if he goes through that I can always get another one.”

Gabriel hovered awkwardly for a long moment before he plastered on a smile and said, “Well. It’s nice to see you _finally_ decided to be there for Ezra. You could have shown up yesterday, of course-”

“Gabriel, he didn’t know.” Ezra snapped. “We only started speaking again last night, so _please_ , stop.” He took a breath, then added. “I’ll talk to you later in the week. Get home safe, dear fellow.” 

Gabriel reared back as if Ezra had slapped him. After a moment of stunned silence, he nodded, went to the counter, and presumably got something to take back with him.

Ezra sighed, “sorry about him.”

“Don’t be,” Anthony replied. “It’s not your fault he’s always been a bit of a wanker.”

“Anthony,” Ezra scolded, glancing at Warlock who was quite happily sipping from his cup with one hand and smooshing the stuffed train with the other.

“He’s heard me say worse,” Anthony smirked. “Though I must admit, sorta fun having you scolding me again.”

Ezra rolled his eyes affectionately, took a sip of his tea to hide his smile. They chatted aimlessly while they had their food, Warlock stealing a bit of Ezra’s scone, much to Anthony’s dismay but Ezra’s delight.

As the cafe grew steadily busier around them, and Warlock began to fuss, Ezra looked at the time and sighed. 

“I’m afraid I need to go get my bags and head to the station.” He lamented. 

“Yeah, I should probably… Warlock’s going to want a nap.” Anthony said, looking as miserable as Ezra felt.

“Well, how about we arrange to meet up sometime this weekend?” Ezra suggested with a smile. 

Anthony lit up as he got up from his chair, moving to pick up Warlock. “I’d love that.”

Ezra helped him gather their things, and walked with them until he had to turn to head back to the hotel. 

He was just beginning to turn when Anthony turned on his heel and said, “Would it be completely weird to ask you on a date?”

Ezra’s jaw dropped. “Sorry?”

“A date. I mean. We were friends for ten years, and then we weren’t speaking for six, but I mean, I think we covered we were both sorta idiots, me more than you. By far. And, well, I mean… do we have to go through it all again? The being friends first, pretending I don’t have this massive crush on you, and seeing you with other people and hating it.”

Ezra blushed. “I believe you were the one with other _people,_ I dated a single person. And have only had one other boyfriend since then.”

Anthony blushed as well. “Yeah, alright fair point. But still… can we…?”

“I think… I would like that.” Ezra managed to say. “I think I would like that very much.”

“Alright.” Anthony nodded, “Ngk, ‘kay. I’ll… call- _text_ \- whatever, umm… later.”

“Mind how you go, dear,” Ezra said before turning away and practically skipping to the hotel.

~C~

It took far too long for them to be able to schedule a date, a proper date, in which they didn’t have the boys with them. 

Crowley had loved those half-dates, though. Of meeting Ezra and Adam at the train station, and then adventuring with them and Warlock around the city, even as the seasons began to change and the weather grew cooler. He also enjoyed the meet-ups with Richard and Oscar, the latter being just as quick to let go of the grudge he held in Ezra’s honor as he was to hang it over Crowley’s head on first meeting. He loathed when it was time for Ezra and Adam to return to Tadfield, and if he started looking into housing in the area, no one could blame him.

Ezra certainly hadn’t when he happened to be at the flat on a particularly cold day when the boys probably shouldn't have been outside. Crowley had accidentally left his laptop open and on, the browser window displaying a lovely townhouse near some pretty fantastic schools.

“It’s alright, dear.” He placated. “Gabriel bought a house not terribly far from where Eliza and I live. Apparently, he’d done so to be closer to me, though heaven knows why.”

So there it was, the beginning of December, nearly two months after they agreed they would start dating. Warlock was with Tony, at his home, and Ezra had taken the train into London earlier in the afternoon. They’d gone to dinner, and a show, and were currently walking down the street back to Crowley’s flat while. holding hands. 

“I can’t help it if I prefer the funny ones,” Crowley said as they approached the main doors. 

“No, I suppose you can’t, darling,” Ezra said, and Crowley still felt the giddy thrill of having the name bestowed on him. Darling, he fucking loved it. 

They stopped outside the doors, and despite how many times Ezra had already been in his space, Crowley still asked, “would you like to come up? I have a bottle of wine that’s pretty fantastic.”

He was still relieved when Erza smiled, “I would love to.” 

They went up, the flat eerily quiet without Warlock or a sitter watching television, waiting for him to come home. Crowley discarded his jacket, adoring the way he didn’t need to tell Ezra he could do the same or where to put it. Crowley made his way to the kitchen area, grabbing the bottle down from the upper shelves and grabbing the corkscrew.

As he worked the cork out, he watched as Ezra made his way over to the large picture windows, looking out over the city.

“I always knew you’d have a place like this.” He said over his shoulder. “It’s something I’d thought every time I stepped foot here.”

“I believe the dream was that we’d be living in a place like this together.” Crowley retorted without thinking.

“Is that your way of asking me to live with you?” Ezra smirked, arching a brow. “So soon? It’s only our first date, after all.”

Crowley blushed, “bastard,” he mumbled under his breath, turning away to get the wine glasses. He knew Ezra knew he’d flustered him simply by the delighted giggle that came from his living area. 

Crowley poured their glasses and brought them over to where Ezra was still standing. The blonde took his with a quiet thank you, then smiled at Crowley, “Shall we toast, then? To a wonderful first date?”

“And many more to come, I hope,” Crowley said as they tapped their glasses together. He took a sip of wine, watching Ezra do the same with the usual, quiet appreciation he had for fine things. Before Crowley was fully aware of what he was doing, he leaned in and kissed Ezra’s lightly stained lips, pleased when the pleased sound from the blonde sounded much more enthusiastic than it had for the wine.

He held Ezra as best he could with one hand and was rewarded with feeling fingers comb through the hairs at the nape of his neck in return.

“Would you like to stay the night?” Crowley asked as they parted to catch their breaths, only to have his stolen by the softly spoken reply.

“I’d love to.” 

~*~

He said “I love you” for the first time when Ezra had gotten gleeful over a pastry the next morning.

Crowley could recall for the life of him what the pastry was, where they were, or the exact time in the morning. But when he remembered the moment, he remembered the excited little wiggle Ezra had as he looked at the delicacy. He remembered the early morning, winter sun catching the blonde curls just so to make his angel look like a proper one. And he would know that it was at Ezra’s side, which is where he wanted to be for the rest of his life.

It was Ezra who proposed the day they moved in together.

Crowley had planned to buy the house he’d been looking at when James got wind of the fact that Crowley had asked his boyfriend of barely a few months to move in with him. How Crowley never knew, but the man unsurprisingly threatened every sort of hell imaginable to make Crowley back down.

“What the hell is it you want, then?” He’d asked when James had invaded his Mayfair flat. “You want me to give you my inheritance back?”

“I’ll take it back by force if I have to teach you a lesson.” James had said firmly. “Crowley men-”

“Yeah, fine, expect the sum back at the end of the week.” Crowley had said to shut him up.

And he’d done so, of course, but it sort of left him in a bit of a bind.

“We could move in together.” Ezra had said tentatively when Crowley brought it up one date night. 

“You’d want that?” He’d asked, surprised and scared and hopeful.

“Darling, I want the rest of my life with you.”

So, they’d bought the house together. And as they unpacked boxes, and a nearly two-year-old Warlock made a mess of packing peanuts and bubble wrap and empty boxes, Ezra had met Crowley’s eye and said, “marry me.”

The answer, of course, was yes.

  
  



	2. ...Crowley stayed at the cafe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you're going to find with some of these the same sort of things crop up. I really hope that doesn't make them boring.

_Original scene from Chapter 29_

_Crowley was in a cafe waiting for a far-too caffeinated coffee when he glanced down at his son and saw him giving a big, gummy grin at someone. He followed his son’s gaze to a fairly handsome bloke who was waving at Warlock, mouth “hi” over and over until he looked up and saw Crowley watching him with a half-smile._

_“Sorry,” the bloke said. “He’s just so damn cute.”_

_“Thanks, I tend to think so,” Crowley replied, perhaps putting a touch of flirt into it._

_He hadn’t been with a man in a while, and after Harriet, the only person he’d been with was Bea on occasion to take the edge off for them both. But now he had his inheritance, James couldn’t hold the lesser liked parts of his sexuality over his head like a guillotine, so Crowley allowed himself to look. And what’s more, if it was an option, he’d allow himself to flirt and perhaps ask out._

_The man smiled a knowing smile. “My partner and I are going to start looking into adopting after we get married next month.”_

_Damn. Well, no need to be rude._

_“Congratulations. Definitely probably easier parenting with someone else.” Crowley mused, keeping the humor in his tone, at least._

_The man’s eyebrows shot up. “On your own? Really?”_

_“Yeah,” Crowley said as Warlock gurgled. “Worth it, though.”_

_“You know, I mean, I realize this is Soho and all, but my partner and I do have a single friend-”_

He almost said no. He did have to get back to the shop eventually, of course, but he also really liked the idea of a break. Plus, this stranger was so earnest, and he could really use a few more friends than Bea. He’d outgrown the ones he made in school, and now….

Adulthood could be lonely. Adulthood as a single father could be lonelier. And if this bloke and his partner were adopting, maybe luck would happen and they’d get a child close to Warlock’s age. 

“Sure, what the hell, why not.” Crowley grinned as the bloke laughed. He offered his free hand. “AJ.”

“Richard.” The man introduced himself. He collected three drinks, then nodded his head toward the corner of the cafe. “My partner, Oscar, is over there waiting for our friend.”

Crowley nodded, following Richard’s lead, and very nearly dropped his coffee when he’d seen _Oscar_ at the table, head bowed over his phone. He found himself stopping three feet away from the pair of empty chairs, Richard moving around him to take one of them.

“Oscar,” Richard got his attention, and then Ezra’s ex looked up at him as his partner continued, “this is-”

“Anthony,” Oscar said with a bit more bitterness than he felt was warranted. He wasn’t the reason Ezra and he broke up. At least, that wasn’t the story Crowley was told.

Richard looked between the two of them. “Oh… is he… am I missing something?”

“It’s _Anthony,_ ” Oscar repeated, holding Crowley’s eye.

“Hi,” He said, finally getting his brain to function. “I- you- hi.” He swallowed. “H-how are you, Oscar?”

“Doing very well,” He said with only a touch of something like hate in his voice. Otherwise, he sounded perfectly polite. “You’re a dad?” He asked, indicating Warlock.

“Yeah,” he said. “Your, ah, partner says you’re looking to adopt.”

“Eventually. Wedding first.” Oscar replied. He looked about to say something more when he was distracted, turning toward the door. His eyes widened and he seemed almost panicked.

“So sorry dears.” 

Crowley’s breath was knocked out of him because it _couldn’t_ be. He didn’t dare look just yet, wanting to stay in the moment before he was disappointed.

“Train was a little… later… than,” the last word in that voice was said on a gasp, and Crowley took a deep breath before turning to look.

Ezra was there, standing right there not ten feet away from him in the flesh. With a pram.

They stood for far too long just staring at each other, and Crowley genuinely didn’t know if he should smile or run.

“You,” Ezra began and seemed to stop himself. He swallowed. “You have a baby.”

“So do you.” Crowley retorted.

“He’s… not mine, he’s Eliza’s,” Ezra replied.

“Oh. Right.” And then a realization hit him like lightning and he smacked his forehead hard before turning to look at the utter perplexed and painfully intrigued Richard. “Your single friend!” He exclaimed. “You said you have a single friend you wanted me to meet! Ezra’s your single friend.” He then turned back to Ezra who’s eyes were wide and confused, and maybe a bit pleased. “You’re single? How is that possible? I thought you were with Gabriel? Or did that end?”

Ezra blinked, his face scrunching up. “I was never with Gabriel.”

“Amen to that,” Oscar grumbled. 

Crowley, without thinking, turned to Oscar in a moment of solidarity, gesturing as if to say “I know, right.” Oscar, despite his earlier cold reception to him, put his hands up in silent agreement with Crowley.

“Now, hold on a moment,” Ezra said, getting their attention as he focused on Richard. “I never told you anything more about Anthony than his name and our past. How did you know-”

“I didn’t know,” Richard said immediately. “Cute baby drew me in, bloke with cute baby is clearly not straight but hits on me.”

“He hit on you?” Oscar asked.

“Shush, it’s flattering. Anyway, he hits on me, I tell him about my partner, he immediately backs down,” He said this bit pointedly to Oscar who had the grace to look contrite. “And then I mentioned we were meeting my single friend.”

“And you agreed to meet the friend of a stranger?” Ezra asked him with a smirk, and Crowley’s heart did all kinds of fun and acrobatic things in his chest.

If he smiled like an idiot, he couldn’t be blamed. “Thought I might at least get a friend out of it.”

Ezra scoffed and rolled his eyes, smiling. “I suppose I can’t blame you for that.”

Crowley wanted to say something more but his phone rang. Grimacing, he pulled it from his pocket and looked at the caller ID. “It’s… it’s my shop, I- hold on.” He stepped away, answering the phone and growling, “What?”

“We have a bride who wants to talk arrangements,” Bea replied. “So when you’re done….”

“Fine, be there shortly.” He said, hanging up. He turned back to Ezra and his heart broke. “I… I have to go.” He said, wishing desperately he didn’t have to. “I’m needed, and….”

“Oh, yes. Quite right.” Ezra said, and Warlock giggled, his little limbs flailing. Ezra smiled at him before looking back up at Crowley with a sad smile. “Well, it was lovely seeing you again.” 

It sounded like he meant it.

“You too.” He said. “I…,” He took a deep breath. “Can we, maybe, meet up sometime? Catch up?”

His knees nearly gave out at the sight of Ezra’s hopeful eyes and a tentative smile. “I… I would quite like that, yes.” His fingers danced on the handle of the pram as if he wanted to wring his hands. “Do… do you still have the same number?”

“Yeah,” Crowley nodded too quickly. “Yeah, umm. Call. Or text. Anytime. Just… yeah.” He nodded. “It was… _so_ good to see you.” He said, trying hard to both let Ezra know how much he really meant that while hoping he didn’t come across as desperate. 

“It was.” Ezra beamed. “Mind how you go, dear fellow.”

Crowley had to force himself out of the cafe, looking back over his shoulder far more than he should, shocked and pleased every time he saw Ezra watching him as well.

He was out of the cafe when he stopped again, taking a deep breath. 

“Dad’s still in it deep, Lock.” He said, lifting his free hand for Warlock to grab on to his finger. With the little fist was clutching Crowley’s finger, he wiggled it. “Sorta knew, but now I just know.” He sighed, heading to the Garden. “Bea’s gonna kill me if I don’t get there soon.”

~A~

“I don’t know what to do,” Ezra said as the gentleman working the tailors did what he had to for the fitting. “I know what I _want_ to do.”

“Then do it!” Richard encouraged while bouncing Adam on his knee. “He’s ridiculously good looking, a fact you have _never_ mentioned when you told me about him.”

“He’s not that good looking,” Oscar grumbled.

“Oscar, don’t. He’s gorgeous. You know it, I know it, Ezra definitely knows it. Just because you’re maintaining a grudge on behalf of our friend-”

“Our friend who _did_ confess to being a bit in love with him while he was with me.” Oscar retorted.

Ezra grimaced. “Probably more than a bit, dear. I just… didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I figured one of us baring heartache was enough at the time.”

“And it doesn’t matter, now, because you have me,” Richard said before Oscar could comment. “And he’d make a great date for the wedding.”

“He’s not taking Anthony. You are not taking Anthony.” Oscar interjected. Then asked, “Are you?”

“I don’t even know if he’s serious about seeing me again,” Ezra replied. “We did part ways… well it’s been years, and at this point…. I just don’t know. He lives here, he must. Anthony has always been about London, and how am I going to… with helping Liza, and work.”

“You’ll find the time,” Richard assured. “This is your Anthony we’re talking about, here.” He said as he handed Adam to Oscar to fish out his phone.

“He’s not mine, he was never mine.” Ezra lamented quietly. The tailor told him he could change, and he went back to the changing room to replace the nearly finished suit on the hanger and put his old clothes back on. As he did, he caught his reflection in the mirror and sighed. 

He’s always been a bit soft in the middle, around the arms and thighs. He’d never been bothered by it, and at its bare basics, he still wasn’t. But he’d been thinner six years ago, and he remembered well that Anthony went for types that were the same as his own lithe body. 

Well, no use dwelling on that. He put his clothes back on, then stepped back out, ready to retrieve his nephew from his friends. When he returned, Oscar was rolling his eyes as Richard while the latter held up his phone triumphantly.

“Anthony ‘AJ’ Crowley is the owner and manager of the Garden. It’s not far from here, and it’s quite lovely. We’re actually getting our flowers from there.” 

“We are?” Oscar asked.

“Yes, we are.” Richard retorted. “You took care of the cake, I took care of the flowers. I picked the Garden.”

“Oh, right… well, I suppose that makes sense.” Ezra said as he stepped up to Oscar and took back a cooing, babbling Adam. 

“We’re going,” Richard said.

“We are _not_ ,” Ezra said emphatically. “I can’t… I need space to process all this. I need to decide if it will be worth the heartache to find out he’s… still got feelings for his child’s mother. Or, maybe, figures out he’s rather indifferent to me. I can’t.” He shook his head.

“Or you could find out he’s loved you the whole time, too,” Oscar said, much to the surprise of both Ezra and his partner. He sighed. “I watched you and Anthony together a lot while we were a couple. I had always tried to tell myself that you two being as close as you were was just a platonic, brotherly sort of affection. And while I know neither of you ever did anything untoward, I knew he loved you. I knew. And by the way he was looking at you today, he still does. So call him. Don’t be stupid.”

Ezra was stunned still for a moment, only the squirming of his nephew bringing him back to reality when he suddenly realized he needed to get moving if he wanted to do everything he’d set out to do in the city before needing to catch the train home.

~C~

He’d just gotten Warlock settled when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, thankfully on silent.

When Crowley pulled it out to see an unknown number, his heart immediately went into his throat, and a thrill rushed through him. No, it might not be Ezra, but ever since his encounter in the cafe, Crowley had answered every call whether he recognized the number or not, excusing himself from far too many customers to answer far too many spam calls, but he couldn’t risk it.

After taking a steadying breath, he hit the button and brought his phone to his ear. “Crowley.” 

“Oh,” He beamed and maybe did a bit of a hop-in-spot sort of dance at the sound of Ezra’s voice. “Oh, I… well, hello. Yes, hello.”

“Hi,” Crowley replied, practically leaping over to his sofa. “I’m glad you called.”

“Well… I did say I would.” Ezra said. “Though, I feel I must confess I wasn’t sure if I should.”

That had Crowley’s blood run cold. “Why not?”

“Well… the way we left things. I just… I know you sent that email, and I know I replied, but it’s just-”

“I was an idiot.” Crowley interrupted. “About the whole mess.” He went on to explain why he acted out that night in Oxford. “I guess I just…,” He ran a hand over his face. The phone and distance made him brave, the fact that he could talk to Ezra again made him stupid. “I guess I just got quite jealous that you… you chose him over me. When you started dating again, you chose Gabriel.”

“But I didn’t,” Ezra said rather matter-of-factly. “ I chose… well I suppose, in the long run, I chose no one.”

“Whaddya mean?” Crowley frowned.

“Well, there has been one ex in the last five or six years. I’ve actually only split with him officially a few months ago, before Adam was born. His name was David, we dated off and on for a year, nothing serious. But before him, I hadn’t been with anyone since Oscar. Well, one date with Richard, but then I set him up with Oscar, and, well….” He trailed off.

Crowley was still trying to gather his wits.

“Hello?” Ezra asked, making Crowley realize he’d gone a bit too long without saying anything.

“Hi, yeah.” He said, blinking and shaking his head. “You dated one man in six years.”

“…yes,” Ezra said flatly.

“Oh.” Crowley blinked. “Right.”

“Well, it’s just that…. Oh, bother, I suppose I’d have chosen you if I had been given the opportunity.”

“R-really?” Crowley stuttered.

Another brief paused. “Yes, really.” Another pause. “I had thought if you were interested in me in that way, you’d have told me.”

“Well, what the hell did you think the fight outside was about?” Crowley asked, his voice pitching with disbelief.

“I didn’t know!” Ezra half-shouted back. “I had thought, perhaps, your father-”

“He’s not my father.” Crowley interrupted, then smacked himself on the forehead. It was such an automatic response for him to say these days that it slipped out.

“He’s not?” Ezra asked.

“No, but-but that’s not the point. What had James to do with any of this?”

“Well, he moved you from Oxford, then moved you to a flat, and really I was under the impression that being with me in any way wasn’t worth the risk. I thought you were leaving because you’d felt guilty for going behind his back. Next thing I knew, you were telling me you didn’t need me.”

“I did,” Anthony said softly. “I needed you, I did. I just… was hurt and angry and jealous and lashed out. I’d already lost so much of you because of James, and I thought I was losing you to Gabriel, too. I thought… I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I already forgave you,” Ezra said gently. “You don’t need to explain yourself.”

Crowley’s head fell back against the sofa. “I missed you,” Crowley said softly, barely louder than a whisper.

“Oh, Anthony. I’ve missed you, too.” Ezra replied with so much affection it made Crowley’s eyes prickle. “I don’t want to ask if we can start over. I don’t think I could. But I would love to start again, where we left off.”

“As friends,” Crowley said, a bit disappointed.

“Yes,” Ezra said. “At least to start with. I’ve… mum’s ill, you see. I don’t think she’ll see Christmas.”

“Oh, angel, I’m so sorry,” Crowley said, the old name coming easily to his tongue, and Ezra’s breath hitched.

He seemed to need a moment. “Thank you,” he cleared his throat. “So, there is that. I don’t want to begin something I can’t fully commit to. And I live in Tadfield with Eliza and Adam. Do you…?”

“Just me and Lock,” Anthony replied. “His mum, she’s not in the picture. Never will be.”

“Ah, well.” Ezra paused, a bit longer this time.

“You know I can drive to Tadfield, right?” Crowley said after a bit.

“Well, yes,” Ezra replied. “But I would never-”

“I could come see you. Hell, if Lock hadn’t just settled, I’d come see you now. But he was always a bit of a terror when it comes to sleep.”

“I do know what you mean,” Ezra replied. “Adam would have likely caused Eliza a lot of sleepless nights had I not gotten up with him.”

“Still a bit of an insomniac?” Crowley smirked.

“I am,” Ezra replied. “You must need the monitor right up against your ear the way you used to sleep through everything.”

Crowley laughed, but not too loudly (he didn’t want to wake Warlock), and they went from there, talking for hours until Warlock woke for a night feed, and Ezra let him go.

~A~

“Do you think there’s still cake?” Ezra asked Anthony.

Golden, snake-like eyes looked at him with disbelief. “You’re thinking about the cake? Now?”

Ezra pouted. “I’m peckish.” The slyly added, “I did work up a bit of an appetite.”

Crowley grinned, “that you did.” He said, flopping his head back against the pillow, looking up at the ceiling of their hotel room. 

Whether it was because of the wedding they’d attended earlier that night, the way they’d come together like they’d been doing this for years, or the simple fact that it was Anthony beside him, Ezra couldn’t be sure. But he knew he looked as utterly besotted as he felt. There was nothing for it, of course, then to turn Anthony’s head back toward him so he could kiss the man breathless.

It had taken them two weeks of phone calls, of weekends with each other, for them to say sod it all and just begin to date. The dating part was less rushed, though. And it helped that when they did see each other, it was mostly on the days where Ezra had Adam with him anyway, turning their normal dates into a sort of play date for the babies.

It’s also why they’d only just gotten a night alone together now. Ezra had only minor intentions of getting Anthony into bed with the intention of more than sleep, but the romance of the night, the way he looked in a suit, everything had him deciding he was quite ready for it.

When Anthony pulled back he smiled. “You know food requires clothing. Be it room service or sneaking back downstairs. Which, by the way, might be for not if the grooms are already gone.”

Ezra glanced at the time, finding it quite a bit later than he thought. “You have a point. But I _am_ peckish.”

“Room service it is,” Anthony replied. “Or, since clothes are needed regardless, I happen to know a pretty good diner near here. We could go on, have something to eat?”

“Sounds lovely,” Ezra said, kissing him again. And again, and again. “But… maybe it could wait a bit.”

“Oh?” Anthony smirked.

“Quite.” Ezra agreed, allowing himself to be the one pinned down this time.

~*~

“The weather doesn’t seem right,” Ezra said to Anthony just a little over a month later. And it didn’t. It was sunny and bright, warm for September, not at all what it should be on the day one had to say one last farewell to their mother.

Anthony squeezed his hand, rubbing his thumb along Ezra’s. “Really doesn’t.” He agreed. 

The funeral was over, and there hadn’t been a gathering after, so Anthony had brought Ezra and Eliza back to the hotel they’d booked once the Fell home was all packed up.

Chrissy, Anthony’s sister, had offered to babysit both boys so Eliza didn’t have to worry about Adam during the service, and Eliza had likely gone back to relieve her of at least her own son.

Anthony and Ezra had decided to go for a walk, making an interesting looking pair in their funeral black in the middle of the afternoon.

“I’m… I’m so glad I got to say goodbye to her, though.” Anthony said after a beat, and Ezra looked up to see his boyfriend’s eyes as red-rimmed as his own, and on the verge of fresh tears. “I missed her as much as I missed Liza when we stopped talking. Always felt a bit bad that I never… that I never managed to say anything to her in the time between.”

It was Ezra who squeezed Anthony’s hand this time. “She was never cross with you.” He assured. “She didn’t understand what happened, because I could never bring myself to tell her everything. She just knew, better than I did, that it wasn’t either our fault. Or it was both of ours. But she never put the blame solely on you.”

“I know, angel,” Anthony said, stopping him a moment to turn him, putting his forehead to Ezra’s.

They weren’t in anyone’s way, the street they were on quiet and more of an open alleyway than anything. They could have been heading from the hotel to the nearest cafe, to the library Ezra worked out, it would lead them wherever they wanted to go. But it seemed both were happy to stay just where they were, eyes closed, basking in one another’s presence.

“I love you,” Ezra whispered, and while he wasn’t sure if he meant for Anthony to hear it, he knew he did because of the way Anthony’s hand squeezed his own.

“I love you, too.” Anthony’s voice was thick with emotion, and Ezra reached up and held his cheek lightly in his free hand, just to hold him. Anthony turned his head, pressing a kiss to Ezra’s palm.

That simply wouldn’t do, so Ezra shifted his hand to the back of Anthony’s neck and brought their lips together.

“Stay with me tonight?” He asked as they parted. “You and Lock?”

“Anything you need, angel.”

~C~

Crowley was a sound sleeper with the sole exception of Warlock. He was attuned to his son, and had been from day one. So when he woke from a dreamless sleep to the sound of soft whispers and the gentle sucking on a bottle, Crowley was deeply confused. The bed next to him was empty, warm but cooling.

“Your dad,” he could hear when he strained to listen to those whispers. “Said all sorts of silly things about ducks.” 

Crowley turned slowly in the hotel bed to face the sofa, craning his head to see what was happening.

As he expected, Ezra was on the sofa, in his pajamas, and Warlock was on his lap having an -if the sun peeking through the curtains said anything- early morning snack. Warlock was watching Ezra with a grin as he drank, and from the glimpses, he could catch of Ezra’s face, Crowley knew he was smiling as well.

His heart did very funny things, then, like explode and implode at once. Like scream so loud it overrode all brain function that that was his family, right there. His son, and the man he loved, the one he wanted raising his child with him. 

Warlock looked at him then, brought the bottle out of his mouth, and pointed to him. “Dada.” He said.

“Yes, that’s dada,” Ezra said, glancing over and then doing a double-take when he realized Crowley was awake. “Sorry if we woke you.” He said.

“Sorry if _he_ woke _you._ ” Crowley countered, sitting up and getting out of bed.

“Well, I was awake anyway. It seems I forgot my medication either at the house or it’s in Eliza’s bag by accident.” As Crowley came to join them, Ezra added. “He was fussy, so I changed him. Then he… well he said baba, so I assumed that meant bottle.”

“You’d have guessed right,” Crowley said as he kissed his son on the head, then Ezra. “Did Ezra get you all taken care of, then?” Crowley asked, smiling at his boy who beamed back. 

“You can go back to sleep if you’d like, love,” Ezra said. “I can watch him.”

“How about we go get a bite to eat, all of us. Early enough we don’t have to worry about a lot of people. Probably be just us.”

Ezra looked at him oddly, but said, “if you’d like.”

“I would. I mean, we can wait ‘til later. Just thought, you know….”

“It’s fine, dear.” Ezra smiled. “Why don’t you get dressed first, and I’ll stay here with this little man until he’s all done.”

Crowley’s heart did a few more funny things, and this time his brain caught on.

 _I’m going to marry this man_ , he thought. 

~*~  
  


“’ Bout time you showed up.” Eliza greeted Crowley as he came into the flat she shared with Ezra only a little later than he intended. Warlock and Adam instantly smiled and pointed at each other. Crowley put his son down where he toddled over to Adam, the two babies hugging in their own way, then toddling to the toys.

Eliza grinned. “Love and hate that they’re gonna be friends.” She said, then looked at him pointedly. “Or will it be cousins? You here to ask my permission to marry my brother?” 

Crowley stammered. “N-n-not yet. Quite. Right.”

Eliza smirked. “No? Why not? Gabriel moved all the way here just to try and woo him, ‘magine what he mighta done had you not started dating him under Gab’s nose.”

“Yes, because I really snuck behind that wanker’s back.” Crowley rolled his eyes. “And it’s not that I don’t want to marry your brother, I do. Just… not yet.”

“And why not?” Eliza crossed her arms, jutting out her hip.

“Cause there are steps. I wanna… do the steps.” He moved his hand about.

“Steps. Right, so…?”

“I wanna ask him to move in with me.” Crowley half snapped. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a folded, worn piece of paper. He opened it and smoothed it out. “I bought a house. Officially. Today. Not all that far from here, and I… I mean, I’ll be taking him from you, so….”

“I don’t need Ez here with me.” She smirked. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, was always nice never having to really get up with Adam unless he was conked out on his pill, but I can get on just fine. Give me my own room back, too. And, well, as long as you aren’t going out to London I’ll have a pair of ready-to-go babysitters when I decide I want to date again.”

Crowley chuckled nervously. “Yeah, you would.” He scratched the back of his head. “So… you’re okay? With us? Moving in?”

“Well, yeah.” Eliza rolled her eyes. “Just don’t, ya know, walk out on him this time. Cause if you do-”

“Never again,” Crowley swore. 

~A~

“Honey, I’m home!” Anthony called, and Ezra rolled his eyes because the joke was getting a bit old, but he was still fond of it. Crowley had greeted him the same way since they moved in with one another just after the holidays. 

“How was it?” Ezra asked, turning off the stove as he was just finishing dinner when Anthony walked in. 

Before he could get his answer, Warlock came toddling in as fast he could.

“Dad, ad, dad,” He said the whole way to his father, beaming as Anthony bent down and picked him up. 

Once Warlock was on his hip, Anthony gave him a noisy kiss to the babe’s delight, then went to Ezra and did the same. “I gotta pay him.” He replied, smiling despite the less than favorable verdict. “Means the shop I was thinking of opening here is gonna have to wait a few years.”

“I’m sorry, darling.” Ezra apologized, knowing how much Anthony had been dreaming of a second shop. “I suppose it could be far worse.”

“You’re right, it could,” Anthony said as he nuzzled against Warlock a moment. “He could have gotten the shop itself. At least this way I can keep it, not have to worry about his having a hand in it. Good news, though: since I already put through the transfer of funds, he’s outta my life. Lock never needs to know him. Far as he’ll know, Tony’s always been, granddad.”

“Dadadadad.” Warlock said as he looked at Crowley with a big grin.

“As long you’re alright, my love,” Ezra said as he turned back to the stove to give their food a quick stir before serving it. 

“I’d lie and say I couldn’t be better, but I think there is a small part of me that’s sad it came to this. He might not have been my father, and he was a right bastard, but he was my dad for most of my life.” Anthony replied.

“Daddeee!” Warlock said, and Ezra smiled.

“Yes, daddy,” He said as he went to turn back around. “Daddy’s-” He stopped when he caught Anthony’s surprised and almost tearful expression. “What is it? What’s wrong?” He asked, looking at Warlock and finding him facing away from Anthony and toward him. His little hands were outstretched and making a grabby motion.

“Daddeeee.” He repeated, looking right at Ezra, leaning a little more away from Anthony.

“Oh,” Ezra said, struck speechless.

Adam had never had a “dada” phase. There was mum, of course, and “ncle wa” but never once had he said “dad”. 

Warlock, of course, was a bit of the opposite. Except, it wasn’t “ncle wa” it was “Zwa” because of course Anthony had been trying to get Warlock to say Ezra’s name from the moment the boy began to talk. 

This was new. This was, clearly, unexpected even by Anthony. 

And Ezra was so unsure what to do.

“Daddeee up!” Warlock said, flailing his arms with the grabbing motion when neither adult moved.

“Go on,” Anthony said quietly.

“I….” Ezra looked at Warlock, then to Anthony, his hands already moving as to take the boy as he said, “Are you sure?”

Anthony only nodded as Warlock left his arms. He watched as Ezra settled him against his chest, and Ezra rested his cheek against Warlock’s soft hair as he continued his “daddeee.”

The men then looked at each other, and Ezra was so lost as to what to say or do.

“You could be.” Anthony swallowed. “If you want.”

“Could be what?” Ezra asked, his voice refusing to go louder than a whisper.

“Be dad, too. Or, something. Anything. You could, if you want, that is.”

“You… you would be okay with that?” Ezra asked, stroking Warlock’s hair.

Anthony nodded. “I want you to be so much more.”

“Like?”

“My husband.”

Ezra’s breath caught. “Okay.” He said.

“Okay… what?” Anthony asked.

“I… I can be your husband. If you want me to.”

Anthony blinked. “I….” He frowned. “Wait… hold on. Did I just…. Wait a minute.” He grumbled before storming off, making Ezra shake his head.

“What has gotten into him?” Ezra asked Warlock. “I thought there was a moment happening.” 

Warlock merely babbled.

Anthony came storming back in the room a moment later. “I was going to ask properly when the whole mess was over. Like, a down on one knee, fancy dinner, flowers.” He showed Ezra a ring box. “Suppose Lock sorta did it for me, deciding you’re his dad, too.” He opened the box to show a simple wedding band. “Whaddya say, angel?”

Ezra smiled, “Well if Lock wants me around, I suppose I can’t refuse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We *will* get Ezra going to David in the bar from the same chapter, but before that we're going to go down a very different road from a bit earlier on.


	3. ...they never stopped talking

_Original scene from Chapter 21 (2009)_

_He waited._

_And waited._

_He had gone back to his room late, hoping the whole walk back that he would find Anthony on his bed, and they would make up. Talk it out. Something, anything._

He was both filled with relief and shocked to open his dorm door and find Anthony sitting on his bed, arms crossed, glaring.

“I just gotta know one thing.” He asked with his jaw clenched.

Erza’s heart fell. So, no talking it out, no making up. But maybe this way he can rush an apology before Anthony stormed out on him.

“Oh,” He swallowed, closing the door to his room. “Of course. What is it you wanted to know?”

“Why Gabriel?” Anthony asked.

Ezra blinked. “Why Gabriel what?” He asked, tilting his head slightly.

“Why, after all this time, did you choose Gabriel?” He asked, getting off Ezra’s bed and standing beside it, wound tense like a snake prepared to strike.

Ezra took in his best friends’ form and understood he could _not_ let what happened outside of the party happen again. He’d have to be careful, one wrong word, and Anthony would be out the door.

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” He said slowly. “I’m not even sure what Gabriel has to do with all-”

“You’re dating him!” Anthony snapped, throwing his hands out to the side as he seethed.

Ezra straightened his head, his shoulders dropping. “Excuse me! I most certainly am _not!”_ He retorted. 

“No?” Anthony asked, the anger and tension still in his voice mixed in with a wonderful dose of uncertainty. “Then why was he blathering on about you two going on a date tomorrow night? Big fancy restaurant, dressing nice, all that rot.”

“I…” Ezra frowned deeper. He wrecked his brain for what Gabriel had said, trying to sort out the words. “I never agreed to that. I’m quite sure I would have remembered him asking if I wanted to go on a date. He asked to go to dinner-”

“That’s a date,” Anthony said like it was obvious.

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Can’t be,” Ezra replied, shuffling to sit in his computer chair. “Otherwise, I have some serious apologizing to do to Oscar when next I see him.”

“What?” Anthony asked, seeming to forget any of his earlier hostility in order to be so utterly confused.

“Well, considering all the times you and I have gone to dinner.”

“No, we… it’s not… that’s different.” Anthony said, dropping to sit on the end of the bed, close to Ezra.

“How so?” Ezra asked.

“Well, we were….” Anthony trailed off.

Ezra smiled sadly. “Yes. We were, weren’t we? I’ll miss it all terribly.”

“What… are you talking about now?” Anthony asked, the irritation returning a little.

Ezra shrugged. “You’ve outgrown me.” He said plainly, but couldn’t look at Anthony. “At some point along the way, you stopped needing me. Not that you ever have, of course. But I’d like to think that once, maybe…. But it doesn’t matter. It’s goodbye, now isn’t it?” When Anthony just blinked at him, he nodded once. “Then please know that I did, well, maybe not need you, but I certainly wanted you around. That I love you and hope you have an absolutely wonderful life.”

Ezra nodded once more, pleased to have said his bit, and maybe he could live without any regrets.

He waited, looking at his hands, wondering how long Anthony was going to sit there staring at him like he was the biggest idiot, the most sentimental fool, that ever walked the Earth.

“Did you just say you love me?” He asked after a very long time.

Ezra’s heart stopped. 

“Did I?” He asked, his voice a bit higher than normal.

“You did.” Anthony nodded slowly. “You said you wanted me around, and you love me.”

“Oh,” Ezra said. “Suppose I did. Well. You can, umm, choose to ignore that, if you wish. If it makes things… less awkward. I mean, I must have been doing a pretty alright job keeping it under wraps, what with you being surprised just now. That is, umm, well, I suppose it would only make things less awkward if you wanted to stay around. Which, you don’t. You were leaving, after all, and made some pretty-”

Ezra stopped talking when one of Anthony’s long fingers touched his lips, making his breath catch.

“Just so I’m clear,” Anthony said slowly. “When you say you love me, you mean… romantically?”

Ezra tried to talk but found his voice had decided that now would be an excellent time to stop working. So he nodded, shaking like the proverbial leaf. 

Ezra didn’t know what to think when Anthony smiled wide and began to lean toward him. He knew what he was hoping for, but then Anthony stopped short and frowned.

“I can’t do this right now.” He said to himself, shaking his head, withdrawing his finger from Ezra’s lips.

“Do… do what?” Ezra asked.

Anthony sighed. “Kiss you.” He said, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh,” Ezra replied. “Why not?”

Anthony grimaced. “Because not an hour ago I made out with another bloke before he,” Anthony gestured to his lap, and Ezra got the message. “Feels wrong. I don’t want a kiss between us to feel wrong. I don’t want to… not tonight.”

“Oh,” Ezra said, disappointed but understanding, and also completely baffled by how quickly things kept turning around. “Well, I suppose I can’t blame you.” 

Anthony huffed then shook his head. He glanced about the room before turning a despondent grin at Ezra. “I cocked this one up, haven’t I?” He said.

“Whatever do you mean?” Ezra asked gently.

Anthony looked away. “You know, if I’d just stayed home, none of this would have happened.”

“No,” Ezra said, “I suppose it wouldn’t have.”

“Maybe… maybe we should just forget this night ever happened,” Anthony said as he got up, brushing his hands in his hair as he went.

Ezra stood as well. “Oh. I… if you’d like.”

Anthony smiled wistfully. “Goodnight, angel.” He said before moving to the door and leaving. 

Ezra remained standing for a long time before he got himself together and prepared for bed, despite not being tired. It dawned on him that he didn’t know for sure if Anthony had any intention of coming back, be it physically or otherwise. Yes, he may have wanted to kiss Ezra, but it didn’t mean he would be around to try again. He also didn’t say anything in return, meaning for all Ezra knew….

No. Anthony wouldn’t humor him, or pity him, or any other rot. If this was the end, which Ezra was beginning to doubt it was, then Anthony would have walked out the door without having said a word, and without offering a bit of hope. 

Still, Ezra grabbed his phone and painstakingly typed out that he wanted Anthony to let him know when he was back in his flat.

That done, Ezra got under the sheets and picked up his book, reading instead. Fatigue hovered around him but never landed, which meant he was still awake when his phone chimed an hour and a bit later.

_Anthony: Home safe_

_Ezra: Glad to hear. I’ll talk to you later?_

_Anthony: of course_

That simple answer was enough to let Ezra breathe a sigh of relief. Knowing Anthony would be asleep soon, he set his phone down and went back to reading.

~*~  
  


When the sun was up, and the hour in what most people might call passably acceptable, Ezra picked up his phone and made a call. 

“Morning, sunshine!” Gabriel’s voice came through, slightly winded but very excitable. “You looking forward to tonight?”

“Yes, about that,” Ezra began, clearing his throat. “I’ve been informed that you and I may have had our wires crossed.”

“Oh?” Gabriel asked, the sound of water and suction coming through the speaker.

“Yes,” Ezra said. “Gabriel, I’m terribly sorry, but when you asked me last week if I wanted to have dinner with you, I had no idea you meant it as a date.”

“Well, what did you think I meant?” Gabriel asked a bit sharply.

“Honestly? I thought you just meant for the two of us to get together, enjoy one another’s company, but without the romantic intentions.”

“Oh,” Gabriel replied. “Well, then. Do you want to go on a date with me tonight?” He asked, and Ezra could just picture him smiling.

“I’m afraid not,” he replied, and he was sure that smile likely lost a lot of its body. “I’m… I’m sorry, Gabriel, I’m just not interested in you that way. You’re attractive, of course, and I like you, but I’m just not attracted _to_ you.”

He endured a five-minute protest -or maybe it was a rant, possibly even a plea- stemming from Gabriel’s insistence. He’d already made the reservation. And picked out a suit. And why couldn’t Ezra merely give him a chance, maybe he’d find him attractive after a night out together? 

A knock on the door blissfully gave him the excuse to promptly hang up. He hesitated for just a second, fearing that at some point, Gabriel had jogged up to Ezra’s building and got up to his floor and at his door while Ezra wasn’t listening to much else besides his words.

“Angel?” He heard the muffled confusion on the other side, and with great relief, he opened the door to Anthony. He frowned at Ezra, then glanced around the room. “Everything alright?”

“Yes,” Ezra replied, stepping back to let Anthony in. “I thought you might have been Gabriel, I’d just called to cancel our… well, I suppose our date since that’s what he thought it was.” And then reality caught up to him. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you worried about that bloke your father has watching you?”

“Sod him. What’s he going to do? Report that I wasn’t in my flat all day? Oh no, I went out and had a life. Maybe I was home but I slept.”

“I suppose there’s that.” Ezra smiled. “Even so, Anthony, what are you doing _here._ ”

“Well,” Anthony bounced on the balls of his feet. “My initial attempt at surprising you went down like a lead balloon,” he smirked as Ezra snorted. “But, thought maybe I could try again. See if maybe this time I had better results.”

“What did you have in mind, then?” Ezra asked.

Anthony appeared utterly delighted, and he shuffled a backpack off his shoulder plopping it down on Ezra’s desk chair. “I brought the best pastries in London that can be bought at a reasonable hour. Still warm.” He said as he set the paper back down on the desk, the scent of buttery baked goods filling the air. “I did not bring tea or coffee, figured we could get the stuff here on campus. But, I _did_ bring a few movies we could watch, as well as some of my work in case you were too busy for movies. And… that was all I had in mind. Just… time with you.”

“I quite like that,” Ezra replied, resisting the urge to take Anthony in his arms and just hold him. Instead, he said, “Do you mind waiting a moment, in the hallway? I just need to change.”

“Are we feeling modest?” Anthony teased.

Ezra blushed. “Perhaps a bit.”

“I’ll keep my back turned,” Anthony said, turning around to face the door, and Ezra made quick work of switching into something suitable for going to get tea.

Properly attired, he gently touched Anthony’s back to let him know he was ready. When he dropped his hand, he was pleased to find it fall into Anthony’s, their fingers entwining like they had the night before, and they headed outside together.

~C~  
  


When Anthony had gotten back to his flat, the very first thing he did was shower. Never once in his entire life had he felt dirty from a hookup. Not once had he felt the need to remove a person from his body. But realizing he’d only did it because of Gabriel telling him how he’d won Ezra made him feel gross. 

He’d doubled back to Ezra’s dorm the night before when he simply couldn’t stop wondering _why_. Why Gabriel, why now, why not him? As much as he was pissed at Ezra, and himself, he knew he would need answers.

And when he got them, he was relieved. And when he got the truth, hearing Ezra say he loved him, it had sent him into euphoria. At least until he realized he’d had another man’s mouth on his not long before, that his hands had touched and groped someone, not Ezra, that his body had been played with by someone he didn’t know and didn’t care to know.

He would not taint the night any further.

Once he was practically red from the sheer amount of scrubbing involved to wash away the encounter, Anthony found himself at a loss. Because holy hell, Ezra said he loved him and did he say it back? No, because he’s an idiot. He could call him, of course, but ringing up your best mate to say, “by the way, I love you romantically, too” seemed a bit pathetic. So Anthony had gathered up some things in a backpack and headed back out. He had wanted to surprise Ezra, and damn it all, he’d keep trying until he got it right. His reception last night was damn near perfect, it was everything else that hadn’t been.

While his reception this morning had been less than ideal, the rest of the day had been a dream. They’d held hands all the way to the campus cafe, while they waited for their order, and all the way back to Ezra’s room. They’d snuggled on his bed, carrying on as they’d always had but now with an undertone of something wonderful and giddy and new.

Ezra had had work, so they’d gotten their respective things done as quickly as possible.

“When do you need to go back?” Ezra asked at one point.

“As long as I’m back in time for class tomorrow, I don’t rightly care.” Anthony had replied.

“But… what about your father?”

“Fuck him,” Anthony replied, ignoring the thrill of fear that shot through him. 

Ezra didn’t seem too sure of that answer, but he didn’t argue either.

There was a knock on the door near five that had them looking up and then at each other. When it sounded again, Ezra set aside his work and answered it.

“Oh, Gabriel.” He said, and Anthony rolled his eyes all while scared that Ezra’s polite nature would have him go on a blasted date he’d already gone and canceled.

“Hey, sunshine,” Gabriel replied. “So, I know earlier you said… doesn’t matter. I thought maybe we could still eat together, but as pals.” 

“Pals,” Anthony said with a wrinkle of his nose.

Ezra smiled at him over his shoulder.

“If you’d like to join Anthony and I,” Ezra began.

“Anthony’s here?” Gabriel said, and Ezra startled as the door was suddenly pushed open, and Gabriel Haven looked at Anthony as if he’d somehow betrayed him.

Anthony merely gave a little wave with his fingers, not bothering to move from the bed.

“He surprised me again!” Ezra said with an excited grin. “Our night didn’t exactly go well, you see. We got into a terrible argument.”

“Huge,” Anthony nodded.

“And, see, we only just made up before he had to return to London. So he came back this morning so we could talk it out!” Ezra bounced on his feet once, utterly pleased, and Anthony wanted to pull him back to the bed and squeeze, maybe snog him silly if he was up to it. 

“Right,” Gabriel said. “Well, I’m glad you made up, Anthony, but Ezra and I did have plans….”

“No, he canceled those,” Anthony said. “He told me this morning.”

Gabriel clearly couldn’t rebuttal that one.

“Raincheck, then?” He asked Ezra.

“Probably could get together later this week,” Ezra conceded. “And we can have a meal together then. As _pals_.” He emphasized the word with something anyone else would mistake for an angelic grin, but Anthony knew was Ezra being an utter bastard.

It did things.

Gabriel grimaced, nodded, and then turned around and left.

Ezra closed the door and very pointedly locked it.

“You know we’re going to have to leave here to get food ourselves, right?” Anthony pointed out as Ezra moved back to the bed.

“I do, but…” He wrung his fingers. “I did want to talk to you. About last night.”

“Oh?” Anthony said, his smile falling as dread crept in.

“I know you said that you wanted to kiss me after what I said in regards to my feelings for you.” Ezra started. “But, well, we’ve kissed before once already.”

“Yeah, I know,” Anthony replied, the dread already leaving him.

Ezra blinked. “You do?”

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“You… you never mentioned it.”

“Was I… supposed to?” Anthony asked, furrowing his brow. 

“Well, I had thought that if there was ever a time when we would kiss, especially like we had in the kitchen, that you and I would…. Well, that we would discuss it. That we would… I dunno….”

“Ezra, I wasn’t sure you remembered.” Anthony retorted, adding, “and _you_ never mentioned it, either.”

“I wasn’t the one who did the snogging,” Ezra grumbled.

“You kissed me first!” Anthony replied, getting off the bed and going to Ezra who crossed his arms and pouted.

“It was hardly something that counted. Not like what you did in the kitchen.”

“Oh, you mean like this?” Anthony asked, striking quick as a snake, capturing Ezra’s face in his hands and his lips with his own in a flash.

Ezra’s hands went around Anthony’s waist, sliding up his back as Ezra gave into the kiss, smiling against Anthony’s mouth. He returned the smile despite it meaning feeling less of Ezra’s mouth on his own.

When they finally did break apart for air, Ezra stammered, “Y-yes, like that.”

Anthony smiled smugly. “Can I keep doing that? Snog you senseless? Maybe even call you my boyfriend from time to time instead of merely my best mate?”

“I’d like to call you my boyfriend all the time if you’d allow it,” Ezra replied, a bit dazed.

“Suppose I could. But only if I get to do the same,” Anthony replied, placing a peck on Ezra’s lips.

“Call yourself your boyfriend?” Ezra teased, and Anthony snogged him into giggles.

“Love you, you bastard.” Anthony smiled, beamed, delighting in the moment.

“Oh, I love you, too.”

~*~

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” Ezra told him as they laid in his bed that night, the movie playing but thoroughly ignored since they’d both seen it so many times already. Cuddling with intent was new, though. Snuggled under a blanket, pressed together, had been common. But now there were casual touches to be had, kisses to place wherever they could be, the ability to look at one another with open adoration when it had to be so carefully masked before.

“What have you been thinking about?” Anthony asked, shifting his fingers through Ezra’s.

“I may not return here next year.” He said softly. When Anthony frowned, Ezra shrugged. “You mentioned teaching before, and it got me thinking. I can’t make a proper living off academia, not as comfortably as I would like. I’d been contemplating for some time, and even had the application filled out for school back home. My scholarship here is essentially out, and while I do have some savings from working in the library, and around campus, it would never be enough to cover the tuition, housing…. I could get a loan, but I don’t think that’s a route I would like to go down, at least not with the debt an Oxford education would bring.”

Anthony hummed in understanding. “Is teaching something you want to do? Or are you only doing it because I mentioned it?”

Ezra smiled. “I’d like to think I’m honoring mum this way, as well. But… yes. I think teaching English would be something I’d enjoy quite a lot.”

Anthony caressed Ezra’s cheek with his unoccupied hand. “Then I’ll support you. Whatever you want. Not like we’d have been able to be together next school year, anyway. Even if you managed to get into a school in London, my flat….”

“I know, darling,” Ezra said softly.

Anthony shivered. “Think I could get used to you calling me that,” he grinned before kissing Ezra, still mildly shocked that it was something he was now able to do.

~*~

They kept it quiet, for a time. Anthony would sneak to Oxford every chance he got, which wasn’t as often as either of them would have liked. They would whisper their love for each other on video calls, spam one another with it through text messages, and bask in it when they were finally together.

Eventually, though, Anthony must have been a bit too loud about something Ezra related. Because when he answered the unexpected knock on his door, he did so to find a fuming James Crowley on the other side.

“You’re seeing a boy.” He stated with his hands clenched.

“Man, really, at our age,” Anthony replied, crossing his arms.

James shoved his way in, probably so they wouldn’t have the conversation in the hall. Anthony didn’t bother reminding him that part of the appeal for James to have plopped Anthony there was that the walls were thin.

James stood in the middle of the small space, taking deep breaths. “I want you to end it.” He said bluntly.

“Why?” Anthony asked. “What’s it really to you who I date?”

“Because you are a Crowley!” James snapped. “And Crowleys are not fucking fairies! Crowleys are men! Crowleys-”

“Crowleys sound like a bunch of fuckwads, if you ask me,” Anthony replied.

“Watch your mouth, boy.” James snapped.

“No.” Anthony retorted.

“You are going to end-”

“I will do no such thing.” Anthony snapped. 

“Then I’m cutting you off,” James said in an eerily calm manner. “And I’m kicking you out.”

~*~

He finished the school year in his friends’ dorm. But when the term was done, and it was time to head home, Anthony realized for the first time that he no longer really had one.

His mum had told him he should just end things with Ezra, even though she didn’t even know it was Ezra he was seeing. She would not, however, take his side. Not now, not when he was an adult and knew the terms in which his father demanded he keep to in order to remain in his good graces. 

Anthony Crowley metaphorically walked away from them both. Physically he wasn’t able to do much but look despondently at the mobile that would only work for another week. His parents paid the bill, after all.

With nothing else for it, he headed toward his last hope.

He’d walked this route many times in his life, but he’d never been as afraid to do so as he was now. He went up to the door, took a deep breath, and did something he hadn’t done in forever: he knocked.

There was a shuffling sound on the other side, and then the door opened to a very surprised Cynthia Fell.

“Anthony, what…?” She asked, looking at the two bags at his sides, then to his face.

“I don’t have anywhere else to go.” He admitted. “I know it’s… I’m really sorry….”

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him as best she could considering their height difference and the bags in his hands. 

“You are _always_ welcome here.” She said with a catch in her voice. “Ezra told me you two are a couple now, and I was so hoping when I saw you again it would be in much happier circumstances.” She stepped back and cupped his face. “We’ll get you sorted, alright?”

“I don’t have any money,” he told her, shaking his head in her grasp. “I can’t pay you rent.”

She gently patted his cheek in a facsimile of a slap. “I’ll have none of that, now.” She smiled and stepped back, holding the door open for Anthony while he came in, even though the door didn’t budge during their conversation. She closed it behind them. 

“Go put your stuff in Ezra’s room.” She directed. “His train won’t get in for a couple hours.” She frowned. “Though you came from London, didn’t you? Eliza should be home soon.”

“I saw her at the station,” he told Cynthia as he started to head to the hall. “She and Deirdre were getting lunch or something before heading home.” 

At Cynthia’s hum of understanding, he went down the hall to Ezra’s room, put his bags down, and then collapsed on the bed. He buried his face in his hands and thanked someone that his boyfriend’s mother was more of a mum to him than his own ever was.

~A~

“Mum, I’m home.” Ezra called as he came in, toeing off his shoes. When he looked down, he noted a very familiar pair of fake snakeskin shoes already there. He smirked, wondering how many times Anthony would attempt to surprise him now that they were dating.

Heading into the kitchen, he stopped short at the sight before him. It wasn’t the wonderful cheeky grin he hoped for, but a different Anthony nursing a cup of tea with Ezra’s mum. His hair was laying flat, a sight normally not seen outside of sleepovers or video chats before bed. He looked tired, and disheveled, the weight of the world dragging him down.

“What’s going on?” He asked, moving to Anthony’s side, putting his hand on his shoulder and not in the least surprised to feel his love’s head press against his side.

His mum smiled sadly, “Sit down, love. Anthony’s got something he needs to tell you.”

~*~

“I don’t want you to have to cover for me,” Anthony protested as he and Ezra were in his (correction, _their_ ) room that evening. After cleaning up after dinner they ventured down the hall to put Anthony’s things away and began the first steps of getting his life sorted.

Step one was a resume, which Anthony had pointed out was almost pointless because his phone was only good for another week. At least until Ezra said he’d pay Anthony’s bill.

“I know you don’t, Anthony, but it’s not like you have very many options here.” Ezra retorted as he put the last of Anthony’s clothes in the closet. It was only a bit full, his own wardrobe being minimal simply because he didn’t feel the need for more. They’d divided the drawers already, and Anthony had placed the potted ivy Ezra had given back when their friendship was still new near the window. It was the only plant of Anthony’s that came with him, the rest having been at the house he was no longer welcome in.

Anthony sighed, running his hand through his hair as he sat in the desk chair. “I shouldn’t have to rely on you. I should have, I dunno, set up a separate account and funneled money.”

“Yes, dear, that’s exactly what you should have done,” Ezra smirked.

“Well, what else should I have done?” Anthony asked, exasperated. “’ Oh, no, don’t get a job. We’ll make sure you don’t have to worry about money.’ Of course, there was a little asterisk there. A clause written in super fine print: so long as you aren’t gay.”

“You aren’t gay,” Ezra commented. 

“It’s not the point,” Anthony argued, trying not to chuckle when Ezra giggled. There was a knock on the bedroom door, which Anthony got up to answer while Ezra got himself under control.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Cynthia said nervously. “But there’s a gentleman here to speak to Anthony.”

Ezra and he exchanged looks, and then they followed Cynthia down the hall to the kitchen where a familiar man sat at the kitchen table.

“You’re Anthony’s doctor from a few years ago,” Ezra said as he looked upon the face of a man so very similar in likeness to his love.

The Doctor shifted in his seat, but his eyes kept falling on Anthony. “Erica didn’t know where you were, but she said this was the best place to start looking. Honestly, I didn’t think she’d ever actually toss out her own kid.”

“In fairness to her, _she_ wasn’t the one who threw me out, she just did nothing to stop it.” Anthony replied. He moved carefully to the table, and Ezra joined him, his mum shortly after. He covered Anthony’s hand, and Anthony smiled gratefully at him. “So… I guess this is the part you tell me you’re really my dad.” Anthony said to the doctor.

He took a deep breath. “Yeah.” The man said. “And I hate to come to you now with this, given everything you’ve been through, but I didn’t have any other immediate options.” The Doctor tapped against the table. “I have three other kids, all from my wife who isn’t exactly around a lot. My youngest, your brother, is in need of a transplant.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Cynthia said, and Ezra nodded in agreement with his mother.

“Thank you,” the Doctor said sincerely. He looked at Anthony. “It’s a long shot. You’re only his half brother, his brother and sister weren’t a match, but you might be.”

“How can I be if you’re not?” Anthony asked.

“It’s in the blood typing,” the doctor explained. “Terry doesn’t share my blood type, but your mums do, so there’s a chance, maybe.”

Anthony nodded. “I… how old?”

“He’s eight.” The Doctor replied.

“Shit,” Anthony said, pulling his hand away from Ezra’s a moment as he leaned back in his chair. He giggled mirthlessly, rubbing at his face a moment before. “Oh,” he groaned. “Yep.” He looked around the dining room, hand falling back to Ezra’s and gripping tight.

“If he’s a match, and Anthony goes through with helping Terry, how long will he be in the hospital for?” Ezra asked.

“A week,” The Doctor replied. “There would be recovery time, he wouldn’t be able to work.”

Anthony laughed bitterly. “Not going to help my situation much, that.” He said to Ezra. “Can’t get a job, can’t even job hunt, if I’m laid up in bed.”

“If you’re a match to Terry, I will compensate you, however, I can.” The doctor said. 

“How kind.” Anthony retorted sarcastically.

The doctor bowed his head and nodded. “I get it.” He said. “I do, I get that you’re… you don’t owe me, or your brother, anything. You didn’t even know you _had_ a brother. But it wasn’t like I had a chance to know you.”

“Why not?” Anthony asked. “We met before.”

“Your mother told me to let it go, act professional,” He retorted. “I didn’t even know for sure you were mine until I saw you that day. She warned me. Seventeen years, I wondered.”

“Would you want to know him now?” Cynthia asked, then quickly turned to Anthony. “Not that you aren’t going to be welcome here otherwise. I told you earlier this was home now, and I meant it.” She turned back to the doctor. “But would you want that now?”

Anthony’s father’s eyes widened a fraction. “If… if Anthony wants to. I know it’s… he’s all grown up now, and… it’s up to you.” He said to his son.

Anthony looked at him long and hard. “I’m dating Ezra. He’s my boyfriend. Will that be a problem for you in the long run?”

The doctor quirked his eyebrow in a very Anthony-like manner. “No.” He replied. “I thought you two were dating back then, but Erica quickly corrected me on that. Guess she wasn’t entirely right, though, was she? Her saying you two were only friends.” He said with a smirk.

Anthony snorted. “No, she was right back then.” He then looked to Ezra, seeming to be searching for something. Ezra smiled, squeezed his hand, hoping he found the answer he was looking for. 

Anthony nodded, then turned to his father. “What do I need to do?”

~C~

His scar still pulled after a long day, which was what Anthony had just gotten home from. Still, despite the pain in his abdomen, he put away the groceries he’d bought before making his way to his and Ezra’s room for a change of clothes. He wanted to make dinner for the night, something he’d gotten pretty good at with Cynthia and Ezra’s help, but he also didn’t want to even think about starting it without a shower and a quick rest.

His eyes itched from the contact lenses he was still getting used to. His boss was actually pretty alright with him wearing sunglasses to work, seeing as how during the summer most of it was outside, but now that the cooler months were setting in, a lot of Anthony’s work at the nursery was moving indoors. He didn’t want to risk getting fired from customer complaints, so now he added the colored lenses to his routine.

He smelled a bit, too. Ezra once commented that the earthy smell that clung to him while working with the plants had actually been rather pleasant, but all Anthony could pick up on was the sweat and dirt. 

Anthony opened the door, peeling off his shirt over his head, and he yelped at finding Ezra inside already watching him with a smirk.

Hand over his rapidly beating heart, shirt somewhere on the floor behind him, he glared at Ezra who had the audacity to laugh at him. “What are you doing home!?” Anthony demanded, his voice far too high for it to be his, yet here they were.

“I don’t have as many classes today,” Ezra said between giggles. “I walked home, thought I’d do a bit of studying.” He stood from the chair then went to Anthony, gently pulling the hand clutching Anthony’s chest away before taking the ginger in his arms, breathing deep. “How was your day, darling?”

“Not bad,” Anthony replied as he buried his face in Ezra’s neck. “When’s your mum gonna be home?”

“Not for a bit,” Ezra replied, sounding like he was frowning. “She’s in meetings until close to tea time.”

Anthony grinned like a shark, pulling back to look at Ezra. “Wanna shower with me?”

Ezra’s mouth may have twisted into a scowl, but his eyes were glimmering with intrigue. 

“It’s the middle of the afternoon.”

“And I’m going to need help with my back,” Anthony added. “And maybe a few other places.”

“You fiend,” Ezra said with absolutely no maliciousness to it. He stepped back, playfully swatting at Anthony’s chest. The touch was too lingering to be effective in any way. “Go get the water ready, I’ll bring our clothes.”

~*~

Dried and stretched out on the bed to help his scars feel a bit better, Anthony pressed his head to Ezra's thigh, regretting that he agreed it was a good idea for them to get dressed again after their lengthy shower. He already missed Ezra’s skin, something he hadn’t gotten quite enough of. But if there was one thing Anthony could respect, it was the simple fact that Cynthia would probably rather not have to worry about walking in on her son and his partner doing anything beyond a snuggle and a few kisses. She would probably also much rather never have to worry about the amount of clothing they’d be wearing. It was never stated as a rule, but it was one he and Ezra followed even now that they didn’t have to keep the door open a crack. Well, mostly followed.

“Dad wanted us to go to his place for dinner this weekend if you’re free,” Anthony told Ezra as he snaked his arm around the front of Ezra’s waist, just against his stomach.

Ezra’s hand held his in place, the leg Anthony wasn’t leaning against coming up to prop up the book Ezra was reading. 

“I am,” Ezra replied, then glanced down at Anthony. “I take it you’re warming up to him?”

Anthony shrugged, “He’s not a phobic asshole, and he’s not threatening to hold anything over my head until I become someone he wants me to be, so he’s already better than my last dad.” He smirked for a moment. “I’m … still struggling a bit. He wasn’t there. He didn’t come forward when he met me before. It took my brother being sick for him to seek me out. I’ve been an adult for six years, and at any point, he could have come forward, could have tried to get to know me, but he didn’t. But I think I get _why_ he didn’t.”

“And why is that?” Ezra asked.

“Because as far as he could tell, my life was alright. Who knows what mum told him, it’s possible he thought James was going to just give me life on a silver platter.” He shrugged. “I think I get why he did it, but it doesn’t mean I understand it. If we ever have kids, I’d want them to know that they are always wanted.”

Ezra stiffened beside him, and Anthony thought through what he said with dawning horror. He shot up, looking at Ezra with wide eyes. 

“Not-not that I’m assuming anything…. I mean, we-you might not want… any of that… with me.”

Ezra slowly looked at Anthony, his face unreadable.

“Don’t be stupid.” He said simply. “I’ve loved you forever. Of course, I want a future with you. I just… I suppose I never considered children.”

“Do you not like them?” Anthony asked curiously.

“I like them well enough,” Ezra conceded. “I just suppose I hadn’t thought of myself as a father.”

“Okay,” Anthony said simply. “So kids… not off the table for us. If there is an 'us'. Down the line, I mean.”

Ezra grinned. “We’ve been dating for maybe five months. Might be a bit soon to talk about that sort of thing. Especially as we’re living in my bedroom at my mother’s house.”

“Yeah, suppose.” Anthony agreed. “But… you do know I want that, yeah? You, me, rest of our lives.”

Ezra blushed. “I didn’t, but it’s a want we both share.”

**2010**

Ezra hadn’t known when, exactly, Anthony had stopped getting a haircut, but the results now were actually quite lovely. Long hair suited him. But then, everything suited him. It was pulled back in a messy bun at the moment as they’d just finished moving boxes into a small flat just a couple of months after their one year anniversary, almost a full year since Anthony had moved into the Fells. 

Small, of course, was an understatement. It was essentially a room with an ensuite, and a kitchen area tucked in the corner. But it was near the nursery Anthony worked at, and not terribly far from the school Ezra would begin teaching at in the Fall. Plus, it was _theirs_. And as much as they loved his mum, Ezra was sure Anthony was just as glad for the privacy their own place offered.

“Angel, do you know what box the linens are in? Wanna make the bed so I can possibly have a nap before we do anymore unpacking.” Anthony said as he rummaged, either not seeing or purposely ignoring the clearly marked box that said _linens_ not far from him.

“A nap, you say?” Ezra asked coyly, checking that the flat door was closed and locked so no one who was helping earlier could suddenly come back in. “Well, if that’s all you’re interested in.”

Anthony chuckled, “It’s the middle of the afternoon.” He said as he knelt down, having spotted the linen box on his own.

“And?” Ezra asked, smirking.

“And, your mum-” Anthony stopped, head whipping up in realization. He looked around the flat, with its many boxes to still be unpacked, and the furniture from Ezra’s old room and an old love seat from the basement Eliza hadn’t wanted when she moved to Tadfield. He then turned to Ezra. “We’re by ourselves here.” He said as if he’d only just realized this. “No one else. No one else will come in. No one will knock, and if they do, we don’t have to answer.” He stood back up. “There’s no neighbors purposely listening… holy shit.” He said, causing Ezra to giggle.

They unpacked in the evening, with pizza that could be better and a cheap bottle of wine with no proper glasses, and Ezra cherished every single second of it.

~*~

“Tony’s willing to help me start my own business,” Anthony said from the sofa as Ezra graded at the desk.

“That’s wonderful, dear.” He replied. “Deciding to put your degree to use?”

“You know I’ve been toying with the idea since school,” Anthony said over his shoulder, and Ezra nodded. “It’s just… when James tossed me out, sorta thought that was over. Now, between what I’ve got saved, what Tony’s willing to front, I might be able to swing it.”

Ezra frowned. “I’ve been thinking, too.” He said, abandoning his marking and moving to join Anthony on the sofa. He plopped down, took Anthony’s hands in his. “You wanted to do a horticulture course. I was going to suggest you go back to school.”

“Angel-” Anthony started, but Ezra hushed him.

“If you genuinely don’t have the desire, I won’t say another word on the subject. But I make enough that I could support us both while you do. It would mean having very little in way of luxury spending, but if it meant you getting to learn more of what you love-”

“You’d do that?” Anthony asked. “You’d support us both so I could go back to school?”

Ezra smiled lovingly. “Of course I would.”

**2011**

It had been a shitty year.

There was nothing else for it. As Anthony held a heartbroken Ezra to his shoulder and barely kept it together himself, saying even in his mind that it had been a shitty year was a massive understatement.

They’d almost broken up. Twice.

Oscar made a grand return in Ezra’s life, and while he had always said when he was planning to do things with his ex, it still left Anthony unsettled. After all, he could never join them, as there was always work to do, either with school or with actual work to try and help pay the bills. It might not have bothered him as much if it was, say, Gabriel Haven who he now understood never stood a chance, but this was Oscar. Oscar who had been Ezra’s first everything, Oscar who had wanted to marry Ezra. Oscar, who was still too nice to hate, and handsome, and everything Anthony wanted to be but couldn’t. They’d come to blows on that in April. A massive, yelling mess that had Ezra storming out and not returning for over a day.

Anthony had, at first, seethed. He had been so certain he’d known where Ezra had gone and was bordering on hating him for it when Oscar called _him_ to say he hadn’t heard a word from Ezra, and that he’d missed their lunch. After that, Anthony had panicked, and when he called Eliza he’d never been more thankful to be called so many unflattering names in his entire life.

He’d gone to Tadfield, begged Ezra to come home, apologized profusely, and nearly had his knees give way when Ezra forgave him, returning home with him. 

It was as Anthony’s year-long course had ended when they came to blows again. He’d still wanted to open that shop, and now armed with more knowledge than what he was gaining with the nursery, he’d adjusted his business plan and could see it being more profitable in a shorter time. It was perfect.

Ezra, however, wasn’t so sure. Now they both had student debts, and while Ezra’s was well underway to be paid off, Anthony’s was only beginning. Their savings hadn’t grown much since Anthony was only working part-time, and while Ezra had lined up summer work, he didn’t like the idea of them taking a financial risk like that so soon.

They didn’t talk for almost a week. Ezra slept on the couch when he slept at all. The entire flat felt oppressive, and if he was that worried about money and whatnot, Anthony was more than willing (in the moment) to make sure he didn’t have to.

He’d started packing his bags, but never finished when Ezra came home at the end of that long, frosty week with a bottle of good wine, a still only sub-par pizza, and an apology ready on his lips. When he’d noticed the bags, he merely gave a defeated, teary-eyed nod, and commented on how he’d deserve it if Anthony left.

They cried, and talked, properly talked, and in the end, they both had an understanding of where the other was coming from. Anthony wanted his freedom, to call his shots and do something for himself. Ezra had explained his fear of not being able to support them both if things didn’t work out. So they agreed it would still happen but would wait a year even with Tony’s support to save a bit more, to have a bigger buffer.

It had been somewhat smooth sailing from there. At least until Cynthia broke it to them and Eliza that she’d been diagnosed with cancer.

**2012**

It had been a big debate in the first few months of the year, whether or not the shop should go ahead. Neither Anthony nor Ezra wanted to leave Cynthia as she went through her treatments, but it was becoming obvious that Anthony’s dreams likely wouldn’t take root anywhere in their hometown.

Eventually, Cynthia caught their whispered debates and scolded them both for putting their lives on hold for her. 

So in March they found a lot next to a Hendrick’s in Tadfield, parked the old, second-hand Bentley (brought up to safety standards which greatly lessened its value), and dreamed.

“I’m not entirely sure about this,” Ezra said. “I’ve barely had my job for a year, the commute alone-”

“I’d make the commute,” Anthony assured. “We won’t have to move if you don’t want to.”

“Well, that would be right down my colleague Gloria’s alley,” Ezra smirked as they turned to each other. “One whiff that you aren’t around and she’ll be setting that Richard bloke on me again.”

“Introduce him to Oscar.” Anthony retorted. “You said Richard was as bookish as you both when you talked to him. Oscar’s been seeming a bit lonely lately, so why not?”

“Are you just saying that because you don’t want Oscar around as much?” Ezra’s smirk grew.

“No, saying that ‘cause I like Oscar, and he needs to be happy. Hell, we’re happy. Most of the time.”

“Most of the time?” Ezra blustered.

Anthony merely turned and smiled at him. “Yes,” he replied. “I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you, and I _am_ happy with you. I want you forever, it’s just… sometimes you leave teacups about. And you never rinse the wine glasses.”

“You snore and always have. And your hair is _everywhere_ ,” Ezra retorted, and after a moment they burst into giggles.

“Fuck, angel, we sound like an old married couple. Only been together three years.”

“Yes, but we’ve _known_ each other for thirteen.”

“Has it been that long?”

“Afraid so,” Ezra replied. After a while of staring at the empty space, he added, “Perhaps… maybe we could… be a bit of an old married couple. Not-not that we can get actually married, but….”

“Are you… saying you want to make this legal?” Anthony asked, looking at him uncertainly. “You want to be civil partners?”

“Well, if I’m completely honest, I would like you to be my husband. But since we can’t-”

“Yes,” Anthony said. “Yeah, let’s do it. Civil partners.”

Ezra blinked. “What, you mean like _today?”_

“Why not today? What is it, just signing some papers?” He took Ezra’s hand in his. “I love you, you love me, we both know we want forever. Give me one proper reason why we shouldn’t just do it.”

Ezra considered it. “Well…. I always thought there would be cake.”

~*~ 

Two weeks and one day later, there was cake. And a ceremony, though it was small. 

And a few days after that, Anthony legally changed his last name to Fell. They were always more a family to him than the Crowleys ever were.

**2013**

The shop was thriving. A year and a half after it opened, and it had gone well into the black. Ezra had found teaching work in Tadfield, which allowed him and Anthony to move closer to the shop.

They’d bought a house. A fairly decent sized house where Cynthia could have stayed if she wanted to, but she stubbornly refused, wanting to give her children their own space even though remission was tentative at best, and she would be more on her own now than she was during treatments.

She did, however, grace them with their presence at Christmas, seeing as how Anthony and Ezra could host her and Eliza far easier than if she hosted them at the old Fell house.

Their house had been teasingly and affectionately dubbed the ‘new Fell house’. 

The neighbors were a bit confused when they’d first moved in. Two men with the same last name who looked absolutely nothing alike had made a few think they were cousins at first. Thankfully, they never had any hostile neighbors, but a few less open-minded ones gave them and their house funny looks from time to time. It wasn’t that they were opposed to the relationship, Tadfield was actually a pretty open-minded community on the whole, but Anthony having changed his name made those few uncomfortable.

But those were very few, and most of them had openly welcomed the new Fells, and were quite friendly to them. Especially those who came to realize that Anthony was the owner of the new garden shop, and wanted tips on how to maintain the plants’ gorgeous looks once they got them home.

It wasn’t much different when the holidays came about, and people began putting up their trees. Except, of course, all the help Anthony could off in regards to real Christmas trees was to get them in the stands straight.

“I’d have thought you’d have decorated more,” Cynthia commented with a teasing smile as she nibbled on some dried fruit from a tray Ezra laid out earlier.

“Couldn’t decide what to put up besides a tree,” Anthony commented before he popped in a mouthful of nuts, sprawled on the dining chair like he didn’t have limbs. He claimed it felt nice on his back after a long day. Ezra was convinced he’d been hit in the head and forgot how to sit properly.

Tapping his wooden spoon against the pot, he lowered the temperature on the sauce, then turned to join his mother and his husband at the table.

“He was too invested in decorating the shop.” Ezra teased in turn. 

“Was not!” Anthony argued. “’S my shop-”

“Our shop.”

“-and I can decorate it how I want.”

“Yes, dear.” Ezra teased, getting a chuckle out of Cynthia as they heard the front door open.

“Oh, god, what’s that smell?” Eliza asked from the entryway. 

“Hello to you, too,” Ezra called back. He smiled when Eliza first entered the kitchen then stopped when he noticed she’d been serious in her inquiry.

She took a couple of sniffs, following whatever she was smelling toward the stove. She sniffed around it, then opened the oven just a moment before promptly closing it, covering her mouth. She took a deep breath, then another.

“Right.” She said after a moment, composing herself before dropping her hand to her stomach.

“What is wrong with you?” Ezra asked her.

“Oh, right.” She said, clearing her throat. She turned to face them, throwing her hands out to the sides. “Happy Christmas, I’m pregnant!”

After a beat, Anthony declared, “You hag!”

Ezra palmed his face, groaning.

“What’s your problem?” Eliza asked.

Anthony sputtered as Ezra lowered his hands and placed one on Anthony’s. 

“That’s what we were gonna say!” The ginger declared.

Eliza arched a brow. “You’re pregnant, are you?”

“Well, no….” Anthony replied. “We’re on the list for adoptions. They accepted our application, we just need to be chosen.”

**2014**

They met their daughter a few months later, being quite surprised when they were called and informed the parents previously chosen had withdrawn. She was a beautiful thing, and they’d fallen in love with her instantly.

They hadn’t named her before taking her home, which the agency assured was quite alright, and more common than people would imagine. 

So as they cuddled her in their own bed, her bassinet not terribly far but terribly unused at this point, Anthony and Ezra pondered what to name her.

“We could call her Ophelia,” Ezra suggested, brushing his thumb against the baby’s soft cheek.

“Really? From one of the gloomy ones.” Anthony groaned.

“You could call her Lia if you like,” Ezra said in such a gentle voice, his eyes so full of love for their little girl, Anthony couldn’t deny him anything. It was just so much of what he always wanted, this bit of family bliss with Ezra. Except…

“Ophelia Cynthia Fell sounds weird.”

Ezra looked at him in wonder, “You… you want to give her mum’s name?”

Anthony shrugged. “Why not. She took me in when she didn’t have to, she was there for me when I needed her. And….”

“Quite right.” Ezra agreed solemnly, and Anthony kissed his temple. He hadn’t meant to make the mood melancholy, but the reality was Cynthia probably was going to be facing another battle with cancer soon, and the outlook was less positive than before.

“Rosalind,” Anthony suggested. “Rosalind Cynthia Fell.”

“That’s beautiful,” Ezra replied. “Nearly as beautiful as her. I think that’s it.”

Anthony turned his husband’s head and kissed him, so filled with happiness he didn’t know what else to do with it.

**2018**

“They aren’t allowed to be starting nursery.” Eliza pouted, crossing her arms as she stood beside Ezra, the two of them watching their children introduce themselves to other children and seeming to already be making friends.

“I agree.” Ezra lamented. He then looked at her from the corner of his eye. “How did Gavin take it?”

Eliza shrugged. “He laughed at me the whole way here, which I hated but if he’d been the one crying about Adam growing up, I’d have laughed, too.” She said as she thumbed the ring on her left ring finger.

Ezra was not at all surprised when Eliza and Gavin got engaged only a few months after they started dating, about a year after they met. Eliza had always been a bit quick to fall into what she thought was love, but the moment she realized Gavin was different, she held on with both hands and never let go.

She’d confessed, shortly after meeting him, that seeing he and Anthony together had always made her a bit envious. And maybe a little worried that she’d never find someone she could call her best friend as much as her lover.

But she’d found him one day in Anthony’s shop when she’d been trying to reach a succulent on a shelf above her head, and Gavin had spotted her and quickly moved to help her out. The rest, as one would say, is history.

“How did Anthony take it?” Eliza asked with a smirk.

Ezra snorted. “He’s wearing his sunglasses and _not_ because he forgot his lenses. I had to drive, Eliza. He was absolutely no good.”

Eliza threw her head back and laughed, glancing over her shoulder. 

“Oh, they’re back, bless them.” She said, and Ezra turned to see his husband and (future) brother-in-law returning with takeaway cups.

“Wedding planning after this, then?” He asked his sister.

“I think so.” She said. Then on a sigh, said, “Oh we should probably go. ‘Magine if mum and dad stood outside out school all day when we first started.”

“Dad probably did.” Ezra said as they turned to meet their partners, and let their children branch out on their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bit hard for the end bit because, of course, if Anthony never goes to work for the Dowlings, then Warlock doesn't happen. And in case you're curious, I don't think Harriet would necessarily have a secret baby with someone else. She and Crowley were the perfect mix of lonely and friendly, the same age and all, so I think it would be pretty unreasonable for the same, exact situation to happen again.


	4. ...Ezra checked on David

_Original scene from Chapter 29_

_“Of course I’m on my way home,” Ezra said to Eliza over the phone as he headed toward the lobby._

_“It’s late. And aren’t you drunk?” Eliza asked curiously._

_“Do I sound drunk?” He countered, exasperated. He glanced in the bar as he passed and saw David sitting alone, nursing a drink. For a moment, he almost went to him, but what good would that do? No, if David had wanted his company, he either would have stayed at the reception, or he would have asked Ezra to join him. Aside from that, there was a jacket on the chair to his left, a glass of something at the spot. Perhaps he’d met someone?_

Still, no harm in checking, right?

“Hold on, dear, I think I’m going to go check on David.”

“He was _there?”_ Eliza asked.

“Yes. I just want to make sure he’s alright.” Ezra said as he glanced about for oncoming people and headed to the bar.

“Well, if he decides he wants company, be available. You’re supposed to get drunk and take someone up to a hotel room, not hop a train back to the flat you share with your sister and her infant.”

“I’ll bear that in mind,” Ezra replied before ringing off. He pocketed his mobile and went up to David, resting his hand on the back of David’s chair as he stood in front of the one with the jacket over the back. “I thought I’d check in before I left.” He said, partly startling David.

The man laughed as he turned in his chair to face Ezra.

“I’m good, promise. Not-well I _am_ drinking away my sorrow but I’m not drunk, don’t really intend on getting there, either.”

“Well, that’s good at least.”

“Yeah, been talking to a bloke the last little while,” David added.

“Oh,” Ezra said, pulling his hand off the back of David’s chair. “Well, then I really best not stick around.” He grinned.

“Nah, nothing like that. Not my type. He’s one of us, though. One of the ‘lost their loves’ sorta fellow.” David said, glancing to his left, then doing a double-take. “AJ, you alright?”

Ezra frowned and looked where David was, and found himself collapsing in the empty chair.

In AJ’s chair.

In _Anthony’s_ chair.

Ezra looked between the fine jacket beneath his arm and the stupefied man standing about ten feet away from the bar. Ezra’s hand was on Anthony’s jacket, he was ten feet away from Anthony. From….

“AJ?” He questioned, finding it was the only thing he could get out of his mouth.

Anthony’s mouth moved and he very slowly inched closer. “You don’t like it?” He asked.

Ezra let out a slightly crazed sounding chuckle. “I didn’t say that.” He swallowed. “I….” 

“I….” AJ stammered. “I… have to go.” He said as if he wasn’t sure. “My mum… she’s babysitting.”

“Babysitting?” Ezra repeated, his mind not able to comprehend the sheer amount of changes to his world view of the ginger man.

“Yeah,” AJ said as he moved toward Ezra. Close, so close he could smell AJ’s cologne, breathe it’s heady scent, while AJ retrieved his jacket from beneath Ezra’s arm. “She got paged, so… I… I gotta go.” He sounded so disappointed.

“Right,” Ezra said. “Right, well, you shouldn’t keep her, then.” 

AJ stared at him, so many different emotions in his face, in those eyes that should be something other than brown. Ezra probably looked about the same as he watched AJ slip on his jacket.

“It was good to see you again.” He said to Ezra, the same emotions Ezra could see heard plain in the tones of his voice.

“You, too.” He said, hoping AJ knew that was true.

AJ hesitated to turn away, then turned sharply toward David without looking at him. “Good to meet you, Dave.” He said, turning and heading out of the bar before David could reply. 

Ezra watched him go, his heart heavy with regret. Once AJ turned the corner, he turned away, spotting his drink out of the corner of his eye. He picked it up, swallowing back the remainder of what turned out to be scotch. He felt the burn in his throat and relished it.

“If you don’t get off your ass and follow him out the door, right now,” David threatened in a kind way that made Ezra snap his gaze to him. 

David just smiled.

“That was him, wasn’t it? Your guy, the one who got away?”

“What would be the point? He has a child, probably married.” Ezra lamented.

“Single dad,” David shrugged. “I’ve been talking to him for the better part of an hour. I can tell you he’s a single dad, mum’s not in their life, owns a shop here in the city, and very recently was dumped by a bloke who wanted to give it another go with his wife.” David gestured to the door. “Now you’re caught up, go after him.”

Ezra looked at the entrance to the bar. “It’s been six years.” He said.

“And if you don’t go after him, it will be a lot longer.”

“He wouldn’t want me to.” Ezra shook his head.

“Ezra,” David snapped. “Go after him!”

He wanted to argue but found he didn’t have it in him. 

“Fine,” Ezra said as he got up and left, moving slowly at first before he realized the head start AJ had on him. He moved through the lobby swiftly, not seeing a sign of him anywhere, then burst out onto the street and looked around. 

But it was of no use, he’d already gone. 

Sighing, Ezra headed to the stairs and slumped down, putting his face in his hands. 

Six years, six years of wishing for a chance to have Anthony - _AJ_ \- back, and he let it go for no reason other than he feared he wouldn’t be wanted. Never even got the chance to find out. He really buggered this one up.

“A-Ezra.”

Ezra’s head snapped up in the direction of the voice, and his eyebrows went up to his hairline when he’d seen the man walking back toward him with purpose. And maybe a bit of aggression. Ezra’s heart sank to his feet, but he stood up anyway. He turned to face his once-best friend, ready for whatever thing was about to be said.

“I want your number,” AJ said.

“W-what?” Ezra blinked.

“Your number. I want it if you’ll let me have it.”

“Oh,” Ezra said, his mouth twitching in a small smile. “Oh, yes, absolutely.” Then he frowned. “Weren’t you meant to be heading back to your flat?”

“Yeah,” AJ said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I got down to the end of the street and realized there was no fucking way I could leave things like this. I… I tried to get in touch with you again after the whole email bit, but your address expired.”

“Why didn’t you call?” Ezra asked.

“Lost my phone,” AJ replied, blushing. “I got some news, and, well, sorta dropped it then kicked in a lake, kept the number, just….”

“Really?” Ezra asked.

“Yeah,” AJ pulled one hand out of his pockets to scratch at the back of his neck. “Was sorta… weird.”

“Is that when you found out you were meant to be a father?” Ezra asked.

Crowley stiffened. “No. No, Lock’s only just over a year. Ummm….” He looked over his shoulder.

“I can walk with you.” Ezra proposed. “We can… catch up a bit on the way.”

AJ nodded, and Ezra hesitantly stepped toward him, smiling nervously. “So, Lock?” He started, knowing most parents liked talking about their children, and away they went.

~C~

They talked the whole walk back to the flat. And in that time, Crowley had decided to keep to himself that he hadn’t, in fact, walked back to get Ezra’s number. He walked back because he’d forgotten he brought his car. He wasn’t feeling any effects, his second drink having not even been finished after he engaged David in conversation. But when he did remember his vehicle and made his way back to the hotel, he’d seen Ezra slump down on the stairs in defeat after looking around briefly, and hope flared in Crowley’s chest.

Maybe Ezra had missed him just as much.

He’d never been more thankful for his brain to have stopped functioning in his life.

But now the building was looming, and they’d barely covered anything of the past six years. And he still hadn’t gotten Ezra’s number again.

“Umm,” He said as he stopped at the end of the walkway, ignoring the vibrating in his pocket that was likely his mum wondering where the hell he was. “Did you… I know this might be weird, and you probably need to head home yourself, but… did you want to come up for a bit?”

Ezra smiled shyly. “I would love to.” He said, wringing his hands. 

Crowley nodded, then tilted his head toward the front doors, and lead Ezra into the building.

“Feels a bit like going to your childhood home for the first time,” Ezra commented as they crossed the lobby to the lift. “It’s so….”

“Yeah,” Crowley agreed as the doors opened. They stepped on. “It was close to the shop I’d bought before I found out Lock was on the way. I was just going to live in the back room there, but that was no place for a baby.” He explained. “Mum helped me find this one.” 

The lift doors opened to his floor, and he led Ezra down the hall to the flat. He barely had the door open before Erica was flying for it.

“I did say emergency, didn’t I?” She said as she passed him. Crowley was sure if he hadn’t been holding the door she’d have slammed it on the way out.

He stuck his head out in the corridor. “It’s for a bloody consult, and you’re the one who offered to sit for me despite being on call!” He closed the door, then looked at Ezra who arched a brow at him. Crowley shrugged. “She offered. I had dad lined up but she insisted.”

“I suppose she can’t blame you, then.”

“No,” Crowley said, looking around the flat. 

It was relatively clean, aside from an empty bottle still on the counter and a blanket with toys still scattered on it left out. Ezra spotted that and smiled.

“Adam has that same bird,” Ezra remarked, pointing at a stuffy of Warlocks that crinkled when he grabbed at it. “Eliza swears it's a peacock, but I can’t be sure.”

“Adam?” Crowley repeated as he moved to the kitchen to put the bottle in the dishwasher.

“Ah, yes. Eliza’s a mum. She’s got a little one herself, also just over one. I live with her to help out.”

“Dad not in the picture?” Crowley asked as he turned to the wine rack situated above the fridge and searched for a decent red in hopes of enticing Ezra to stay longer.

“No. She won’t say what the story was, and will change the subject when asked.” Ezra’s voice was growing closer, and Crowley could sense him around the kitchen island.

“Do you two -er- three live far from here?” Crowley asked as he pulled a bottle down and set it on said island, Ezra indeed being on the other side of it.

Ezra blushed. “One could say. We live in Tadfield. I was actually only in town for the-”

“Wedding?” Crowley guessed. When Ezra frowned he added, “David told me he was there for a wedding. You two seemed to know each other.” He explained as he turned to grab some wine glasses.

Ezra chuckled. “Yes, I suppose we could say we know each other. We dated off and on for a while.”

Crowley stiffened with wine glasses in hand as the pieces fell into place. He spun on his heel and faced Ezra. 

“You’re the ridiculously perfect ex!” He exclaimed, much to Ezra’s amused confusion.

“I’m the what?”

“David. He was saying he was at the wedding where his ridiculously perfect ex was the best man to _his_ ex and the man David pined for.”

“Oh dear,” Ezra smiled. “Doesn’t sound any less dramatic the more it's said. Yes, I was Oscar’s best man. He thought it fitting seeing as how I was the one who introduced him to Richard.”

“Oscar? Really” Crowley asked as he fished out a corkscrew and opened the bottle. “I’d have guessed Gabriel.”

“Why ever would you have done that?” Ezra asked as Crowley poured.

Crowley shrugged, handing the first glass to Ezra before he poured his own. “You two dated in Uni.”

“We did not!” Ezra said as if the very thought offended him. 

Crowley righted the bottle and set it on the counter, turning to Ezra in confusion. “No. You did.” He replied. “Gabriel wouldn’t stop going on that night about how you and he were going to have a great, romantic dinner, that he had this whole, perfect date planned.”

Ezra rolled his eyes before taking a sip of his wine. “Yes, I suppose he did. But I can assure you, I’d never agreed to a date with him. We’d only ever been friends in my books, never a chance for more.”

Crowley nodded slowly, a sinking feeling filling his chest. “I… I fought with you that night because… I thought….”

Ezra blinked. “You fought with me because you thought I had a date with Gabriel? I can’t possibly understand why, it’s hardly like you were lacking choices.”

“Yeah, but I wanted you,” Crowley grumbled, immediately regretting it when he realized he’d grumbled out loud.

Ezra’s eyes widened and he blushed nearly as red as the wine. “Oh,” He said, his lips curling inward a moment. “Oh, well… that’s… I mean… really?

“Of course, really. I wouldn’t just say that.” Crowley snapped.

“AJ, I didn’t mean to be-”

“Please don’t call me that.” He interrupted, causing Ezra to snap his mouth shut. “Sounds weird coming from you.”

“Oh,” Ezra replied. “So… Anthony?” He asked, and Crowley nodded, his shoulders relaxing without him having ever realized they’d gone stiff. Ezra grinned. “I didn’t mean to imply you _would_ just say it for the sake of it. But, well, I was never… your type.”

“’My type’, what the bloody hell do you mean ‘my type’?” Crowley half snapped. “You’re beautiful. Hell of a lot smarter than I am. Kind, caring, really are sort of an angel. Or, maybe an angelic bastard.” He smirked. “At least you were.”

Ezra looked down at his body. “Yes, I suppose the years haven’t treated me well.” 

“I didn’t mean that!” Crowley rushed to say. “No, you’re, you, beautiful. Still. Glorious. Lovely. Just… bastard. Were one… probably still are.” He said as he realized Ezra was smirking and trying to hide it behind his wine glass. “My type was you. Everyone else as a placeholder.”

Ezra peeked up at him. “Even your son’s mother?”

Crowley waved a hand. “Wasn’t anything like that. Lock was an accident. She and I, we were just friends. Friends who did something monumentally stupid.”

Ezra nodded. “I can’t say I know what that’s like. I think the most irresponsible thing I’d done was kiss some strangers when Eliza and I were in the Greek isles.”

“Oh?” Crowley asked, smirking. “Do tell.”

The hours ticked on. Jackets and ties were discarded in favor of being more comfortable. The wine bottle was emptied, bit by bit and the two of them rehashed as much as they could of the time they’d lost with each other, pausing only a moment when Warlock woke up in need of a change, and a bottle to settle him back.

“He’s beautiful, Anthony.” Ezra cooed, looking at Warlock with adoring eyes.

Warlock stared back while he sucked on the bottle while sitting in his father’s lap.

“I think so,” Crowley said, brushing back some of Warlock’s fine, downy hair to place a kiss on his temple. “Best decision I ever made, having him. She was going to put him up for adoption but I just… I couldn’t. He’s my boy, and if I could have had a father who loved me unconditionally right from the start.”

“Your birth father really does sound wonderful,” Ezra said. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to find him sooner.” Then after a beat, added, “or get to know him when you had first met.”

“Yeah, don’t know if he’d have been able to get to know me then anyway,” Crowley said as Warlock started to doze. Crowley took the bottle, then scooped his boy up, bringing him back to his bedroom. After tucking Warlock back in with a couple more kisses, he went back out to the living room to find Ezra watching him over the back of the sofa.

It made him and his heart stop, the absolute perfection of the moment taken out of contrast, placed in a snapshot away from reality. Warlock in his crib asleep, and Ezra looking at him adoringly as if it wasn’t Crowley’s norm. As if maybe they’d been raising him together. As if this was just their every night.

“I always knew you’d make a wonderful father,” Ezra said as Crowley managed to start walking again. “You always were so very caring.”

“Shut up,” Crowley grumbled as he came back to the couch. “You were always the caring one.”

Ezra smiled wistfully, then glanced at the clock with a sigh. “It’s really quite late. If I don’t go now, I won’t get the train back.”

“You could stay,” Crowley said quickly. “If you like.” He added before making to reach for his wine glass and finding it empty.

Ezra looked at his lap, fiddling his fingers. “I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not an imposition. At all.” Crowley assured. Ezra chewed his lip, and Crowley’s eyes locked on to it. “I want you to stay.” He said, watching the lip come free of Ezra’s teeth. “I don’t want you to leave at all, but I know you will eventually. I just… I want you to stay, please.”

He didn’t mean to beg, but there it was. Rounding near one in the morning, and he was begging Ezra Fell to never leave him again by begging him to stay in his flat because saying the former would be far too desperate, and the latter was his best hope.

“I want to stay, too,” Ezra admitted, smiling shyly. 

Crowley, in his elation, did something completely stupid: he kissed Ezra.

~A~

Ezra woke after only having gotten a couple of hours of sleep. For a moment, he didn’t know where he was or why he was naked, and then a soft snore cut through the silence. He knew that particular snore fairly intimately despite not having heard it for almost seven years, but it was enough to remind him this was real.

He turned his head and looked at Anthony, sound asleep beside him, equally unclothed and his hair an absolute mess. He was one of the most beautiful things Ezra had ever seen, and he was loathed to leave him.

But he had to.

The trains would have started up again, and he would need to get back home. Even if he wanted to stick around, he couldn’t very well walk around London in his suit from the wedding, rumpled as it likely was. He’d barely fit one leg in two of Anthony’s trouser legs, let alone hope to fit into one of Anthony’s shirts, so there was no hope of borrowing something else. He just had to go back home.

Getting out of bed as carefully as he could. Ezra redressed in the bits of clothing that happened to be in the bedroom. When he’d accomplished that much, he leaned carefully over Anthony and placed a kiss softly on his cheek. His heart did funny things when Anthony grinned in his sleep.

Ezra left very quietly, gathering and putting on the rest of his clothes, though he pocketed his tie instead of putting it on. Ensuring he still had his keys, wallet, and mobile, he left Anthony’s flat, testing the knob to make sure it was locked, and then headed for the trains.

He caught the first one out to Tadfield, finding a spot by a window where he could look out at the passing scenery and think of the wonderful night he’d had.

It occurred to him a few minutes into the trip that Anthony had asked for his number and he’d never gotten around to give it to him. For a brief moment, Ezra was flooded with panic. Then recalled Anthony having told him how he kept the number he’d always had, along with some somewhat humorous anecdotes about sorting through the numbers he didn’t know while perhaps a touch high on morphine.

Taking out his mobile, Ezra brought up the little Astrix contact, immediately changed it to Anthony, and sent him a message. 

_Ezra: I do hope I didn’t wake you when I left. You looked so peaceful, and I’m sure you’d appreciate the rest, given how there’s no one else to get up with Lock with you. It also occurred to me once I was on the train that I never did give you my number. Now you have it, and I do hope to see you again. If not, I’m glad we parted ways under much better circumstances than the last._

Putting his phone away, he closed his eyes and rested his head back against the seat. Ezra never slept on the train, but at least he could rest in the meantime.

~*~

He walked in the flat at nearly six-thirty in the morning and was only partly surprised by Eliza’s being awake, smirking at him like the cat who caught the canary.

“Well look who’s doing the walk of shame.” She teased. “Glad you decided to do the whole wedding thing properly after all. So, tell me, did David feel better after you and he spent the night together?”

“I didn’t spend the night with David,” Ezra corrected, toeing off his shoes and trying not to smile too much.

“Oh, a stranger, how unlike you.” Eliza rested her chin on one of her hands, the other circling the mug of tea. 

“Not a stranger, either.” He replied as he headed for the cupboard to retrieve his angel wing mug. Eliza didn’t say anything as he poured himself a cup of tea, then moved to join her at the table. She was frowning thoughtfully.

“You said Gabriel wasn’t invited.” She commented, and if Ezra had taken a sip of his tea, he would have spat it out.

“It most certainly was _not_ Gabriel.” He said. Before she could make any more guesses or assumptions, he confessed, “it was Anthony.”

At first, Eliza’s frown deepened. Then, slowly, her face relaxed as her jaw began to drop and her eyes began to widen.

“Anthony… Crowley?” She asked in disbelief.

Ezra smiled. And blushed. And had to clear his throat as he suddenly recalled moments from the night before. “Yes.” He said. “A sort of serendipitous reunion.” And then he began to tell her everything. Well, almost everything, there were some bits that she didn’t need to know. 

“Well,” Eliza smirked, “I would say you have yourself a man.”

“I have myself a complication,” Ezra replied as he finished his tea. “Much as I want Anthony as ‘my man’, I’ve no idea if he would actually want more from this than a one-night stand and possibly our friendship renewed.”

“Well a friendship is more than I tend to get from a one-night stand, so you’re already ahead of most.”

Ezra rolled his eyes. “I’m going for a shower.”

“Feeling dirty are we?” She teased.

“No, I feel like I haven’t showered properly since yesterday.”

It was about a half-hour later, as he was making pancakes for the three of them, that his phone rang. He picked it up, smiling at the name before answering.

“Good morning,” He said, and if he sounded a little flirtatious, what harm would it do? Eliza was in the next room with her son and certainly wouldn’t see or hear.

“Morning, yourself,” Anthony replied with a smirk in his voice. In the background, Ezra could hear Warlock babbling away, something that sounded a little like “eggs” mixed in there. “I was a bit worried when I woke up this morning and found you gone. Didn’t know if I’d get to see or talk to you again. Though, you did bring up a good point. Was a hell of a way to part ways if we had.” 

“I do hope that wasn’t the last time we see each other,” Ezra said as he took the most recent batch off the griddle and began the next. “I don’t know if it was said, or said clearly last night, but I did miss you terribly.”

“I missed you, too, angel,” Anthony replied, and Ezra closed his eyes, happily basking in the nickname again. “Do you think we could make plans for next weekend? I know you said you usually have your nephew with you.”

“Adam, yes. It’s typically when I give Eliza time to herself.”

“Then you, me, Adam, and Lock can do fun things together. Boys can play, we can talk. We can take them to different things around the city.”

“Sounds lovely,” Ezra replied. “I would be delighted. And, maybe, if you want to chat throughout the week, we can do that, too?’

“Definitely. Lots of… chatting. Texts, calls, all of it.” Anthony replied, and Ezra did a bit of a wiggle in sheer glee at the prospect.

~C~

“I gotta ask,” Crowley asked as from where he laid beneath Ezra on his sofa, “what are we?”

Ezra combed his hand through Crowley’s hair, and Crowley might have purred a bit.

“Would you like a philosophical answer or a literal?” Ezra teased, giving the strands the slightest tugs.

“I want the answer that tells me what my chances are of taking you out on a date, or if we’re just messing around when it's nap time.” Crowley managed to say, which was a pretty great feat in his opinion, given how very little brainpower he had at the moment. 

Regrettably, though, Ezra backed off.

On the other side of the sofa, Ezra sighed, running a hand over his hair. “I want to say your chances are high. But with mum… I won’t be in the proper mind frame.”

“Hey,” Crowley said, scooting across the couch, cupping Ezra’s cheek, getting him to look at him. “I don’t mean to put any pressure on you. And I’m not asking for anything, I just… I want to know. I want to know where we stand.”

Ezra blinked. “Is there… someone else, or…?”

“No!” Crowley half-shouted. “No, there’s no one else, I’m not even interested in someone else. I just want to know if this is more for you. If you even want more.”

Ezra smiled warmly. “If I’m to be honest, I want as much as you’re willing to give me.”

“So, everything, then?” Crowley smirked.

Ezra giggled. “If you’d like.”

~*~

“Crowley,” He answered the phone a few weeks later.

“Hello, my dear.” Ezra’s voice came through the line sounding so utterly lost that Crowley’s heart broke.

“She’s gone, isn’t she?” He asked softly.

“I’m afraid so.”

~A~

He couldn’t imagine what his life might have been like if he hadn’t had Anthony’s hand to hold during the funeral. It had been something that stuck with him, how Anthony had been there for him at his father’s when they hadn’t been friends for very long. And here they had been again, months after reuniting, sitting beside one another while Ezra gave his last farewell to his mother, Anthony at his side and consoling him.

“I can’t… I don’t even know how to begin.” Ezra said when the service was over, while Deirdre was with Eliza.

“You don’t have to say anything, angel,” Anthony replied, swiping an errant tear away from Ezra’s cheek with his free hand. “I’m here.”

“Is that Anthony Crowley?” Gabriel asked, sounding what one might call chummy.

Ezra turned to his other friend, not letting go of Anthony’s hand for anything. “Thank you for coming, Gabriel.”

“Of course, sunshine.” He said, giving Ezra’s arm a squeeze. “I’m here for whatever you need.”

“Thank you, my dear fellow, but I’m fine,” Ezra assured. 

Gabriel didn’t seem sure but nodded once. “Alright. Just, give me a shout, I’ll stick around town until tomorrow.”

~*~

“Is he still calling?” Anthony asked as he stepped out of the bathroom, drying his hair, Ezra’s phone vibrating on the nightstand.

“It would appear so,” Ezra said with a sigh, picking up the phone and answering. “Hello, Gabriel, how are you?”

“I’m good. Just, you know, checking in. Seeing if you wanted company.”

“No, thank you. I have Anthony here with me. We were just getting ready to go to bed.” 

“Again,” Crowley mumbled, and Ezra picked up a pillow and threw it at him, causing Anthony to giggle and Ezra trying not to follow.

“He’s… he’s there. In your room. With you.”

“Yes,” Ezra said slowly, and then realization caught up to him. “Oh, you … you didn’t know. We’ve been together for a bit, now.”

As he said this, Anthony looked at him in surprise. Which was confusing.

“You have?” Gabriel asked, his voice cracking.

“Yes. Umm, We’ll talk later, alright. Night, ol’ chap.” He rang off and tossed the phone aside. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“We’ve been together for a bit?” Anthony asked, his voice going higher with every word.

Ezra panicked. “Oh. Oh are we… have I misread things somehow? I thought, with our conversation a few weeks ago….”

“I… wasn’t sure you meant that… I thought you wanted to wait.”

“Oh. So you’ve been seeing….”

“No!” Anthony shouted. “No! I haven’t, I’ve been waiting. Only did anything with you since… you. After David and the whole wedding… thing.”

“Oh,” Ezra said, partly giggling in relief. “Oh, that’s good. To hear, I mean. Well, then. Yes, if you're amiable, I would very much like us to be together. Officially.”

Anthony grinned like he’d won the lottery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is so very similar to the one where Crowley stayed at the cafe, I decided to really highlight these key differences in how their story would play out.  
> The next one is one I think a lot of people will be interested in, given that so many of you seem very fond of Eliza (thank you for that). As to when it goes up, I'm not sure. One of these what-ifs is becoming a massive ball of angst and it's a bit difficult for me to write (please remember every single one of these have happy endings. All of them). So I might not post Friday, but soon!


	5. ...Eliza never died

“So we’re surrounded by ambulances,” Eliza began to tell the story to Anathema, Newton, and Gabriel as they’d gathered at the pub on a Friday night.

Ezra would have much preferred to be back at Eliza’s flat watching Adam for the evening, but she absolutely insisted that he be there. She had Marjorie watch Adam, which wasn’t entirely unusual, but only was in this particular case because she’d had Marjorie lined up since the beginning of the week.

He figured that maybe Eliza just wanted him there because she wanted her people with her to celebrate. And since Deirdre moved across the pond last year, she was down one, so perhaps she had merely wanted Ezra to fill the void.

Gavin shared a look with him, one he imagined they’d be sharing for the rest of their lives that said they both knew she was going to make it sound much more dramatic than it was. But Ezra knew Gavin wasn’t annoyed in the least, that her flair for the dramatic was part of what he loved about Eliza.

And it was her flair for it that had the others listening with rapt attention, and even Ezra couldn’t help but be pulled in despite already having heard the tale.

“First responders, flashing lights.” Eliza continued, her good hand gesturing about. “People all around us, car’s a wreck, we’re bloody lucky to walk away with what we did, and he looks at me and just blurts out ‘marry me’. Then, despite his broken leg, actually tried to look for the ring in the dark, when it was very clearly long tossed.”

“I didn’t try that hard,” Gavin insisted. “I patted down myself, and the area around me.”

“You screamed for your mum when you attempted to turn,” Eliza smirked.

“A broken leg will make you do that,” Gavin replied with a barely suppressed grin.

“So how did you get the ring, then?” Anathema asked, gesturing to the piece of jewelry hanging from a necklace around Eliza’s neck. Her left arm was in a cast, and there was no way it would fit on her finger now even if the plaster hadn’t covered so much of her hand. 

“One of the first responders found it,” Gavin replied. “Thankfully _after_ I had ‘blurted it out’, otherwise that would have been one more thing gone wrong.”

Ezra took a sip of his wine, washing away the heaviness that tried to weigh down his happy heart. 

It was May, after all, the hated month. He thought he’d been doing so well getting over…. Well, he thought he was doing well, but Eliza’s engagement had put in contrast how utterly lonely and alone he was. 

He glanced at Gabriel out of the corner of his eye, seeing how he smiled and chuckled at Eliza’s retelling of her’s and Gavin’s harrowing misadventure to the Scottish highlands and how it ended up with an A&E trip and discussing the future while waiting to get their bones set.

Gabriel was, overall, a good man. He was, in his own way, in love with Ezra and had been for a very long time. Ezra already knew they worked well together physically, even if Gabriel had been far more virginal than Ezra (much to the blonde’s surprise). Perhaps, maybe, thirty-five was a bit too long to wait to give him a chance.

No, no, he was being desperate. Ezra did this when he was getting desperate, look at Gabriel and try to see him as something he simply couldn’t. Rose-colored glasses would only get him so far, and he wasn’t so old yet that the possibility of remaining alone was so concrete.

So Ezra took a drink of his wine, focusing briefly on the sounds of the pub - the modern music at a comfortable volume, the hum of chatter, the tinkling of the bell above the door- and then turned his attention to Eliza.

She was playing with her necklace with her good hand and chewing her bottom lip with a slight smile tugging at the corners. Her eyes were firmly on the door.

“Oh, that’s AJ!” Anathema said, waving at someone, and Ezra turned to see who the infamous AJ was.

All of a sudden it was like the entire world went silent except for the sound of his pounding heart. Vaguely, he was aware he stumbled off his stool, and that Gavin had asked if he was alright, but he could barely breathe let alone talk.

Anthony looked about the room quickly, and then his eyes ( _brown!? No, that wasn’t right_ ) fell on Ezra. 

Aside from his eyes, he’d changed only in that he’d grown out his hair, which looked rather good on him. Not a single other thing was different: not his lithe form, not the tattoo at his temple, not even his sense of style.

Ezra drank him up, found himself hesitantly inching closer.

Anthony’s eyes narrowed. “Ezra?” He asked as if he really wasn’t sure he was seeing him right, he looked behind Ezra, and his eyebrows shot high before he turned his direction toward where Anathema was sitting. “You never said your friend was Eliza!”

The world came back to him in a rush. The noise of the pub, the fact that they weren’t entirely alone, it all came crashing back, and Ezra took a deep breath before turning to Anathema who looked completely beside herself.

“I didn’t know you knew each other!” Anathema defended, looking between her boss and Eliza. “I talk about you two all the time to one another.”

“Liz! You said her name was Liz! Not Eliza, and definitely not Eliza Fell.” Anthony accused. Well, AJ, he supposed. That’s what Anathema had called him. 

It also suddenly occurred to him that Anthon- _AJ_ \- hadn’t said a thing to him. Or about him. He looked at him, then past him, and that was it.

The indifference was like a knife to the heart.

“I… I think I need some air, will excuse me.” He said hastily to the table over his shoulder.

“Ez!” Eliza snapped.

“Eliza.” He snapped back, staring down at his sister. “Not now, _please_.” He said, starting to move for the door when he realized he’d have to pass AJ on the way. He pulled up his courage from somewhere deep inside, pushed aside the pain, and stopped beside his once best friend. He forced himself to look into those unnatural brown eyes for only a quick moment. “I’m glad to know you’ve done very well for yourself. And I’m sorry you weren’t aware I was… it was so lovely seeing you again.” He managed to shoot a quick smile up in AJ’s general direction and then headed out the pub door. 

He took a deep breath when he passed through the door, and found himself shaking far too much to even contemplate making his way back to his flat. He made it around the corner of the building and leaned against the wall, deciding he would stay there until he could either settle enough to walk home or work up enough courage to be in Anth- _AJ_ ’s- presence knowing he would remain at an untouchable distance.

Walking home was likely going to be the thing.

  
  


~C~

Crowley remained stunned for a moment, then took in the crowd before him. There was only one man who he didn’t know, and he looked completely and utterly baffled. Newton and Anathema seemed to sense that there was something clearly missing from the picture. Gabriel - fucking _Gabriel Haven_ \- had this smug little smirk on his face that Crowley wanted to punch.

Eliza was positively frustrated. 

“I can’t believe him.” She said, gesturing at the door with the hand that wasn’t in a cast. 

“What’s going on?” The stranger asked, glancing around at everyone, and looking suspiciously at Crowley.

Eliza gestured wildly at Crowley, which didn’t exactly take the suspicion away. “He and Ezra were in love with each other as kids, stopped speaking to each other about ten years ago, and now my idiot brother has run away from him.”

“You _knew_!” Anathema accused Eliza. “Why didn’t you say something when I showed you AJ’s picture?”

“Because I wanted to see the looks on their stupid faces when they saw each other again, and I figured you’d give Anthony the heads up.” Eliza countered.

“Well, it seems that probably would have been the better thing to do,” Anathema said.

“Oh, you think?” Gabriel - _fucking Gabriel-_ said in a condescending way.

“Oh shut it, Gabby, you wouldn’t have allowed them to be in the same room if you knew what was about to happen.” Eliza snapped, and Gabriel blushed.

“And for good reason,” He said as though he somehow had the higher ground. “I’m going to check on Ezra, see if he’s alright” Gabriel started to get up but the stranger got up and held up his hand.

“No,” He said firmly, “No, _I_ will go check on him. Neutral party who doesn’t know anything about any of this.” The stranger said as he reached behind his chair for crutches. “Eliza and Anathema are far too defensive, Newt looks like he’s about to wet himself, and you’re far too smug right now to do anything good.”

“Don’t,” Crowley quickly said, causing the man to pause. “Don’t get up, mate. Just… I’ll go. I’ll go… and maybe just… go.” Crowley said turning around and heading out the door and ignoring the bickering going on behind him.

The air outside was just comfortable enough not to be cold, which was a relief after those short few minutes in the pub. Crowley tugged at his collar, worked the buttons of his henley loose to help suppress the stifling feeling.

He hadn’t known what to do when his eyes fell on Ezra inside. His brain did that wonderful thing where it derailed completely, and it was spotting Eliza smiling like the cat who caught the canary, and giving him a little wave with the fingers from her cast that tipped him off it was probably a setup. He still wasn’t sure Anathema didn’t know anything, but he supposed her surprise was genuine enough.

Anathema, who if only she’d just used proper names, would have found herself a much more willing participant in this scheme. Hell, he would have been begging her from the onset to please, _please_ set him up with her friend’s gay brother who was an absolute sweetheart because Crowley knew he was. Fuck it all, Ezra Fell was an angel.

Oh, but Ezra was still as lovely as he remembered. Ten years and the man barely changed. Crowley was sure on closer inspection he’d probably notice the subtle signs of aging like the start of wrinkles around Ezra’s beautiful blue eyes, or maybe whiter or silver strands in those fluffy curls. 

And for a moment, Ezra had seemed happy to see him. He wasn’t sure what changed, what made the man walk out. But there were those few seconds where Ezra wouldn’t meet his eye but said some nice things that made Crowley hope that one day they could talk again.

He realized, quite suddenly, that there was still a chance one day could be that day, as he wasn’t sure if Ezra had actually gone home or just stepped out a moment. After taking a breath to center himself, Crowley glanced around, hoping to see Ezra lurking in the shadows. At his initial sweep with his eyes, he couldn’t spot him, but the second caught sight of a beige coat sleeve and tan pant leg peeking out from the corner of the building. 

Crowley made sure his steps could be heard, putting in an extra click to his shoes while he headed to where Ezra was hiding.

The blond man still startled when Crowley rounded the corner and looked away when Crowley leaned against the edge of the building.

“I _am_ sorry that you didn’t know I would be here,” Ezra said to the ground. “I can’t make Eliza leave, it’s essentially her gathering, but I can go, maybe relieve Marjorie-”

“Who’s the bloke?” Crowley asked, and Ezra finally looked at him, frowning a moment,

“Oh, that would be Gavin.” He replied, his face relaxing. “He’s her fiance, they met about two years ago. At your shop, actually.”

“I think I’ve seen him around,” Crowley commented. “He looks familiar.”

Ezra gave a quick smile, then turned away as he nodded.

“Is my being here that upsetting?” Crowley asked, wishing he hadn’t because fucking hell, what would he do if the answer was yes?

“No,” Ezra replied immediately, looking back at him, his eyes darting all around Crowley’s face as if drinking him in. “No, I just… I thought you would have rather never seen me again. And, I suppose… well I had hoped if we had ever crossed paths again, you’d be happy to see me.”

“I _am_ ,” Crowley said emphatically. “I am… _so_ happy to see you, you have no idea. I…,” He swallowed. “I missed you. So damn much.”

Ezra smiled sadly. “I’ve missed you, too.” He said, looking away again. 

The distance and the silence between them ate away at Crowley as he searched for something, anything that would hack away at it.

He didn’t want this, he didn’t want this awkward, silted encounter when it was so painfully obvious to him that any traction he made at getting over Ezra was barely anything at all and he was right back to feeling as deep in it as he ever was.

“So, you and Gabriel are still… chummy.” He said, wishing to someone, anyone, that the world would open up and swallow him whole for bringing up the catalyst of their separation.

To his surprise, Ezra snorted. “Yes, much to his dismay.” After a moment, he said, “I hear you have a son.”

Crowley shouldn’t have been surprised, yet he still sort of was. He supposed Anathema had talked about them, but he’d have never guessed she’d have spoken about them to the point that Ezra would remember.

“Yeah, Lock’s gonna be five in August,” Crowley replied.

“Adam, too. Eliza’s son,” Ezra clarified. 

They stood for a long moment, the awkwardness less so at least, to some degree. 

Crowley just kept looking him over, taking in every detail, trying to reconcile the moment as reality.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” He asked, getting Ezra’s attention again. “Go somewhere… _anywhere_ else and just… talk? Catch up? Get to know each other again? God or someone knows that if we stay here Anathema and Liza are just going to be watching us the whole bloody time, and I really don’t need those two hovering about.”

Ezra took a deep breath, and Crowley braced himself for rejection. 

“I would like that.” Ezra nodded, and Crowley beamed just as he had when they were thirteen and Ezra agreed to go back to his house.

~A~

“I actually work at the secondary right down the road,” Ezra said after he and AJ had their beverages and found a seat in the relatively quiet cafe. 

He’d made the suggestion, knowing from very late nights at the school that hardly anyone was ever there after eight o’clock, and that it would give them relative privacy. It also meant that if things went south, Ezra had a known bus route back to his flat.

AJ frowned at him over his coffee cup, then his expression lit with understanding. “You work with Newt. Who always called you Mr. Fell.” He said, shaking his head as it was just one more connection that made sense. Ezra had already figured this AJ was the same one Newton had gone on about.

“Yes, he’s a nice boy, if not a bit awkward.” Ezra conceded. “I took pity on him shortly after he moved here, and encouraged him to come out and socialize. I hadn’t expected him to take such a shine to Anathema.”

“Did you know they…?”

“Oh yes. He was quite… I wouldn’t say distraught, but he was certainly not completely pleased by the idea. Bit of a fish out of water when it came to her.”

There was a lull in the conversation, one which they both used to take a sip of their drinks.

“I’m so glad to know you got your nursery up and running,” Ezra said, breaking the silence, grinning a bit when AJ looked over. “I know it was what you were really planning on in those final years.”

“Wasn’t without challenges,” AJ replied. “Warlock, he was a bit of a surprise. His mum wasn’t able or wanted to keep him, and I couldn’t let him go so single fatherhood. I ended up using a large part of what I had saved from working as a gardener to get us a flat and supplies and things.”

“I understand you started in London.”

“You know an awful lot about me for having not known it was me,” AJ smirked.

Ezra blushed. “Anathema tells me things, you know. She said her boss worked out of the London shop as well. I know Oscar and Richard frequent it enough.”

“Oscar… as in?” AJ’s brows drew together.

“Yes,” Ezra nodded once. “We became friends again when I moved back home with mum to go to school, to get my teaching certificate. I actually introduced him to Richard, his husband. It’s… a bit convoluted actually. I’d gone on a date with the fellow, and while we hit it off in a friendly way, there was no attraction.”

“So you introduced him to the man who asked you to marry him?” AJ asked incredulously.

“Indeed,” Ezra replied proudly. “He introduced me to a lovely chap named David. We had dated for a time, but it never became more than a sort of casual thing. Well, casual for me, anyway.”

“How long ago was that?” AJ asked.

“Oh, before Adam was born,” Ezra replied. “I hadn’t seen anyone after that.” He replied, pointedly not thinking of that one time with Gabriel.

“So… you haven’t dated in nearly five years?” AJ asked, his eyebrows steadily climbing higher.

Ezra rolled his cup in his hands. “I suppose not.”

“Sorry,” AJ said immediately. “It’s just… you’re Anathema’s friend’s single brother. You’re the bloke she’s been trying to get me to meet for three years, and I… can’t fathom how you’re single.”

Ezra frowned, looking up to meet AJ’s gaze. “I’m sorry?”

AJ stammered. “Angel, you’re-” He stopped short, the color draining from his face. “Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve. Sorry.”

“It’s alright, AJ,” Ezra assured, instinctively reaching across the table to cover his hand. “I don’t mind if you still call me that. It’s actually quite nice to hear after all this time.”

AJ looked at Ezra’s hand covering his, his chest heaving a bit. Slowly, he turned his palm over, giving Ezra all the time in the world to pull away, then half held his hand on the tabletop. 

Ezra’s heart fluttered, his eyes prickling at the sight. He’d had dreams about this. Wonderfully painful dreams of moments just like this where he could have what he’d lost. He never thought they’d ever become reality.

“Don’t… don’t call me that,” AJ said. “I… it sounds wrong coming from you.”

“Alright… Anthony.” Ezra said, feeling as much as hearing Anthony’s sigh of relief, as though everything was going back to rights.

It did taste better on his tongue, and it made the man across from him feel so much less of a stranger. He hadn’t even realized that that was part of the reason this had been so difficult. 

“So, why the name change, then?” Ezra asked, and basked in the sly smile that was given to him.

“Have I got a story for you,” Anthony replied, leaning across the table as he began to spin it.

Ezra had no idea how long they spoke after that. The pauses that had filled their earlier reunion were brought down to nothing longer than the length it took for them to have a drink of their beverage. They spoke about Anthony’s second family, and how he came to know them. Of his work as a gardener (though he seemed hesitant to say too much about it). He told Ezra about his son, and how he was the best decision he’d ever made. Ezra, in turn, told him about his mum (to which Anthony seemed devastated over), more of Richard and David, of his job teaching English and how he didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as he did.

It was when their cups were empty and they were contemplating getting refills that Ezra’s phone rang.

“It’s Eliza.” He said, bringing the phone to his ear. “Yes, dear sister.”

“Oh, you’re alive. Did Anthony find you?” She asked.

“Umm, yes, we’re with each other now, actually.” He said, wishing that was true in every sense. Anthony grinned, pointed at the cups, then headed to the counter. “I’m sorry we didn’t return.” Ezra apologized, not meaning a single word of it.

“I didn’t interrupt a good snog, did I?” Eliza asked, sounding equally hopeful she had and dreading the truth.

Ezra rolled his eyes. “No, you scheming devil. We simply went to talk somewhere without yours and Anathema’s meddling.”

“Is he alright?” Ezra heard Gabriel ask in the back.

“Yes, he’s fine. Knew he would be. You’re the one who tore off to run around the block to look for him.” Eliza replied, and Ezra could hear the eye roll she’d have given Gabriel. “He’s with Anthony. They’re talking and apparently not snogging or shagging each other’s brains out.”

“Liza,” He chided at the same time as Gavin did on the other end, Anathema laughing in the background.

“You don’t know, Gav. You didn’t live it. The pining. The longing looks.”

“Alright, enough out of you.” Ezra half snapped in a fluster. 

Eliza giggled, sounding a bit tipsy. “Alright, fine, yes. Go talk it out. Love you.”

“Love you, too. My best to everyone.” He said as he rang off just as Anthony returned.

“Making sure you didn’t disappear?” He asked as he slid in the chair across from Ezra. 

“Yes, among other things.” He replied. “Apparently Gabriel went out in search for me.”

“I bet he did,” Anthony grumbled. He looked at his cup, seeming ashamed. “I’m sorry, for how I acted all those years ago.”

“You already apologized.” Ezra reminded.

“Yeah, but I still shouldn’t have lashed out.”

“We were both at fault in that regard. And if anything, I should have tried harder to get you to talk to me again.”

“I don’t know if I would have listened. Not until I wrote that email, and by then it was too late.”

“My dear, I forgave you then, and I still forgive you now. Can we put it behind us?” Ezra asked, taking Anthony’s hand again.

“Yeah,” He said, nodding. “Yeah, we can.”

~C~

Warlock was playing on the equipment in the park, burning off some of the energy he saved up during the week. Crowley had taken a pause in the unpacking as the day was nice, and it wasn’t like he was going to get anything done anyway. His head was too far up in the clouds for that, thinking of Ezra. 

He’d dropped him off at his flat when the cafe closed, and as tempted as he was to go upstairs with him, he hadn’t wanted to risk doing something stupid. Plus, Tony had been nice enough to go to the house to watch Warlock, giving Crowley a break from it all to go meet the friends Anathema had been pestering him about for years.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t imagine what _might_ have happened if he had been child-free if he had gone upstairs. Was it bad to want to snog someone absolutely senseless after not speaking for ten years? Well, if it was, it was just one more thing to add to the long list of things Crowley had done that was deemed wrong.

He was in the middle of a fantastic daydream of kitchen counters, being braced against them when a blonde boy ran past him toward the playground. The boy seemed to make a beeline for Warlock, and Crowley braced himself for what might be a rejection, but after what looked like a brief conversation, Warlock lit up, and the boys started a game together.

A moment later, a takeaway cup was placed in front of him. He looked up and felt like a flustered teenager all over again at the sight of Ezra smiling above him.

“We don’t speak or see each other for ten years, and now we’re running into each other everywhere.” He said as he took a seat beside Crowley, and Crowley was infinitely pleased that Ezra didn’t ask permission first.

“Not complaining.” He said.

“Nor I,” Ezra replied as he brought his own takeaway cup to his lips. “I was actually planning on calling you later, to see if maybe you’d like to grab lunch together sometime this week. Or, if you’d like, I could invite you and Warlock over for dinner some evening.”

Crowley might have swooned a little. “Lunch, yeah. Definitely… definitely lunch. Maybe… dinner too. Or something. Was that Liza’s boy, then?” He asked, pointing at the boys playing together.

“Yes, that was Adam. I’ve taken him off her hands every Saturday since he was born.” He smiled sadly. “I’ve a feeling that will change soon. Gavin’s asked if he could spend some of the weekends just him and Adam so he could get to know him better.”

“I can’t _wait_ to get to know the bloke that caused Eliza to settle down,” Crowley commented.

“He’s a wonderful man, one I’m pleased will be my brother.” He said, that wistful tone still lingering in his voice.

“You’re just sad to lose your nephew.” Crowley guessed.

Ezra glanced at him. “Perhaps a bit, yes. I guess I’m just not looking forward to being more lonely than I’m used to.”

“Not going to happen,” Crowley said with certainty. “Back in each other’s lives, now. Can’t get rid of me.”

“Oh?” Ezra asked, a smirk growing wider. He opened his mouth, hesitated, then said. “I would say, ‘what if I don’t want you around’, but frankly my dear, I’m quite done with lying to myself.”

“So I take it you’ll let me buy you lunch from time to time? Maybe… invite you over to my place. Still can’t cook worth a damn, but I can order us some takeaway. Might not be the same as time with Adam, but…” he shrugged. “Won’t be lonely.”

“No, I suppose I won’t be.” Ezra conceded. “And it’s infinitely better than the alternative.”

“Which is?” Crowley asked.

“Gabriel,” Ezra replied, and Crowley made a noise of agreement. “I…” Ezra glanced at the playground. “I did a really awful thing four years ago, just after mum passed. And it’s sort of haunted me since.”

Crowley blinked. “Oh, I’m going to regret asking this. Alright, what did you do?”

~A~

“The tartan!” Anthony exclaimed when they stepped into Ezra’s flat a few weeks later.

It was a Friday night, of course. They’d just come from a pub outing with the others. Eliza had had Marjorie watch Adam again, and this time Anthony’s father had kept Warlock at his overnight. 

It meant that their previously new normal of meeting up in the park by unspoken agreement wasn’t going to happen in the morning. Gavin was going to have his first real day of bonding with his future step-son, and Anthony wasn’t expected to pick up Warlock until sometime afternoon.

So they’d gone back to Ezra’s for a nightcap, the two usually spending any non-park time together at the Crowley residence. It was also the first time Anthony had actually been inside.

“It is a bit much, but tartan _is_ stylish.” Ezra defended with a cheeky grin. “And between you and I, Eliza wanted none of it when mum passed. She has, I believe, a throw with the family print, but that was the extent of.” Ezra explained as he headed into the small kitchen and pulled out a bottle of red from the upper cabinet.

He opened the bottle to let it breathe, shedding his jacket and then deftly rolling up his sleeves to the elbow. 

“What is that?” Anthony asked as he crossed the room, approached Ezra, and took his left arm in those long-fingered hands. Before Ezra could ask what Anthony meant, the man pushed Ezra’s sleeve up a bit more, revealing the Fell family crest inked in his skin.

“Ah,” Ezra said in understanding. “This was my… second? Perhaps third tattoo, I can’t recall. Eliza has one just like it on the back of her neck, but her hair and clothes tend to hide it. Perhaps another reason she didn’t feel the need for the mass amount of tartan.”

“Second or third?” Anthony asked as he ran his fingers over the tattoo on Ezra’s arm. He was either oblivious or purposely ignoring the way it made Ezra shiver as he continued, “How many do you have?”

“Including the one we got together? I have four.”

“Includ- you still have it?” Anthony asked in wonder.

Ezra frowned. “Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?”

Anthony blushed. “I’d have thought… I’d have thought you’d have gotten it removed, or covered up.”

“No, my dear,” Ezra replied gently. “As much as it hurt when we stopped speaking I could have never… no. I still have it. Do… do you not have it?”

“I do. It’s there, I could… I could never part with it.” Anthony swallowed. “But four?”

“I’m sure you have more,” Ezra smirked.

“I mean… yea. I do. But, you? Really? Where are they?” Anthony asked, eyes darting over Ezra as if he could see through his clothes.

“A few more intimate places,” Ezra replied.

Anthony’s eyes widened. “Oh _really?”_ He drawled. “And where would one find these intimate tattoos, then?”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” 

“Oh, don’t tempt me, angel. I’d have you strip me here and now if it meant I got to do the same to you.” Anthony replied, and he seemed to realize only a second later what he’d said.

Ezra’s eyes fell to his lips. “How little would you think of me if I’d told you I’d want that?”

Anthony’s hands came to land on Ezra’s waist, and he quietly said. “I wouldn’t. Think less of you, that is. Let alone little, I….” He swallowed. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Please,” Ezra said without thinking, closing his eyes and leaning in until Anthony’s lips met his. 

It wasn’t like their first kiss all those years ago. It wasn’t heavy and rushed, it didn’t feel like Anthony was trying to devour him. It was more like Anthony was trying to savor him, and Ezra relished in it.

“We’ve done this before,” He said softly against Anthony’s lips when he pulled away only a fraction. “In a kitchen.”

“I remember.” He replied.

“I always thought you didn’t,” Ezra whispered. “You never mentioned it. You never….”

“Neither did you.” 

“I was afraid to ruin what we had. Afraid… well I suppose what I was afraid of happened anyway.”

“Yeah,” Anthony said, giving Ezra another light kiss. “Was what I was afraid of happening, too.”

He put his hands in Anthony’s hair, holding him in place, looking into Anthony’s strange and wonderful eyes.

“Will it happen again? Will I wake up tomorrow, or some other and never see you again?” Ezra asked with a tremor in his voice.

“I…” Anthony started and stopped. “I want to say ‘only if it’s what you want’, but I don’t think I can promise that. I missed you too much. I have you with me again. We can… I want more, but we can stay friends if you’d like.”

“Oh,” Ezra smiled. “Oh, I very much want more with you, as well.”

And then, with a happy chuckle on his lips, Anthony kissed him again.

~C~

“What do you mean you’re moving in together?” Gabriel asked as November bled into December, and the Friday night pub gatherings continued.

Crowley arched a brow, as Ezra took a deep breath, summoning his vast amount of patience. 

Before he could respond, however, Eliza pipped up.

“Well, you see Gabriel, when two people love each other very much.” She started to explain, keeping the air of utter seriousness before Gavin threw his head back and guffawed, effectively ruining the moment. She brought her lips into her mouth to bite down a smile and very nearly managed.

“It means,” Ezra said, some of that vast patience waning a little, “that Anthony and I would like to take the next step in our relationship, which would be to live together.”

“You don’t even know him!” Gabriel countered, sounding more like he was whining than anything.

“Umm, excuse me,” Crowley said, rearing back in his indignation. “I’ve known him a hell of a lot longer than you have.”

“You were gone for ten years, you don’t know anything.” Gabriel retorted.

“Oh, Gabby, Gabby, the things you only _wish_ you knew that Anthony does,” Eliza said with a smirk. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gabriel asked her.

“Liza,” Gavin warned, though it wasn’t heeded.

“I mean, my dear, sweet, naive little man, that you had a single night with my brother four years ago. Anthony’s had almost every night since-”

“Eliza, will you please stop,” Ezra asked with a heavy sigh. He then looked to Gabriel. “Anthony, despite our separation, remains my best friend.”

“I’m your best friend!” Gabriel protested.

“No. If anyone was my best friend in Anthony’s absence, it was Eliza. Perhaps Oscar. But that aside, he’s my best friend, and I happen to love him as much as he loves me.” He paused then huffed, and Crowley knew by the look they shared what Ezra wanted to say. So, he gave him a nod and smirked in anticipation. Ezra took a breath. “And besides, we’re only moving in together now because I asked him to marry me and he said yes. Seemed a bit silly not sharing a space at this point.”

“You absolute ass!” Eliza exclaimed with a smile before squealing in delight and hopping off the stool to hug her brother before she came and threw her arms around Anthony. “Oh, you two absolute bastards! No getting married before Gav and I, you hear me?”

“Congrats, man,” Gavin said as he got off his stool still to give Ezra a hug as well and then shake Crowley’s hand.

“Better find a house soon, mate. She’s getting impatient.” Crowley said to Gavin as quietly as possible.

Gavin winked at him. “There might be something special under the Christmas tree.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could have gone on longer. But full disclaimer, the next one is MASSIVE (20 000 words). It ate at my soul in a way I really can't describe and took me far, far too long to get out. The bright side is my writing partner in crime (gbMs) told me it didn't feel as long as it is.  
> It's... probably the most angsty thing I have written. At least in the last decade. BUT all of these have a happy ending, so there's that.  
> Until next time.


	6. ...Ezra kissed Anthony at midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we will call this angst with a happy ending.  
> It's a fic in it's own right, and AU on the AU. It could have gone on, I could have added more, but here we are.

_Original scene from chapter 14_

  
  


_2003_

_“I c-can’t believe,” Ezra frowned. “Can’t believe he went back to Edinburgh.”_

_It was New Year’s Eve, and he was drunk._

_He and Anthony were currently on the back porch of Ezra’s home, Dr. Crowley having known where her son was and what he was likely going to do. Also, probably thankful that he was going to be out of the Crowley residence while they threw their annual new year party._

_There were one and a half-empty bottles of wine on the table with them because technically they could drink that if they wished, and since neither of them had wine often, even with meals, they were in their cups quite wonderfully. They were also sitting awfully close, the excuse being to drown out the festivities inside (which they escaped in the first place)._

_Anthony leaned his head all the back and looking up at the night sky. “Can see so many stars. Loved camping out here, seeing the stars.”_

_“Why don’t you take ‘stronomy, then?” Ezra frowned more. “Seems more fun than business.”_

_“Gotta take business.” Anthony grumbled while still looking up. “Dad won’t pay for school ‘less I do.”_

_“E’s probably not even your dad,” Ezra grumbled, then became awash with melancholy. “Miss my dad.”_

_Anthony cooed, or something like it, then dropped his arm heavily around Ezra’s shoulders, pulling his head down on his shoulder. Ezra thought he felt something pressed into his curls, but he was rather drunk, and it was probably just Anthony’s chin of nose brushing against him a moment._

_“Think this is is why he didn’t stay home?” Ezra asked, feeling Anthony’s arm shift around him when he tapped Anthony’s hand._

_“Nah,” Anthony replied confidently. “Asked him ‘bout the project. Was something… didn’t understand it, but he was really excited. ‘Sides, couldn’t help but hear how much he was gonna miss ya when you were sayin’ bye.”_

_Ezra hummed, taking another sip of wine, keeping the feeling of his head being all woozy going. It actually wasn’t a bad feeling, all things considered._

_“’E asked me out again,” Ezra said, shifting to try and see Anthony. “Said no.”_

_“Why?” Anthony asked rather quickly._

_Ezra shrugged. “Not ready.” He replied. “Don’t know what I’m waitin’ for. A-levels are done soon, just… not ready. How’d you know you were ready?”_

_Anthony’s mouth twisted about in some odd ways, some even stranger sounds coming out, making Ezra grin._

_“Didn’t see point in waitin’,” Anthony said before taking a rather large gulp of his wine. “Wanted to know what it was ‘bout.”_

_“Do you regret it?” Ezra asked, furrowing his brow._

_“No,” Anthony replied thoughtfully. “Sorta wish it went better, but don’t regret it. Do regret Sarah a bit.”_

_“She was nice.” Ezra countered._

_“Was. Too nice.”_

_“I’m nice.”_

_“You can be a right bastard, angel.”_

_Ezra went to argue, then realized Anthony was probably right on some level._

_“Yes, dear,” He said instead, relishing the giggle that came from Anthony, pressed up against him._

_“No, she,” Anthony said, taking another drink. “She was, she was just so… ya know? And, she shoulda had better than me. Like you! You deserve better than me!” Anthony exclaimed._

_Ezra lifted his head. “Oh, do fuck off.” He scowled, and Anthony threw his head back and laughed, hard and loud. It made it very hard to maintain the scowl. He poked Anthony in the ribs, though he could never land the same place twice, so it was more like a very ineffective tickle. “Adore you, you idiot. Deserve better. Tell you who does, ‘s you.”_

_“Adore you, too,” Anthony said as he hauled Ezra back to him, this time with both arms._

_Ezra had missed when Anthony had put his cup down, and not wanting to be the only one holding a drink, he set his down, too. He wrapped his arms around Anthony in an awkward embrace neither of them seemed to end despite being uncomfortable._

_Sometime later, somewhere in the distance, fireworks started going off. Anthony turned his wrist, presumably to see his watch._

_“Hey! ‘S midnight! Happy new year!” Anthony threw his arms out to the side as he twisted in his seat to look at Ezra._

_“Happy new year!” Ezra replied, and then they went back in for another hug, laughing. When the laughter began to die down, Ezra placed a quick peck to Anthony’s cheek, surprised to realize he felt a peck on his cheek at the same time, or at least a second later. Both of them stiffened before slowly drawing back to look at one another._

There was confusion, and hope, and a little longing in Anthony’s face that Ezra felt too.

So he very tentatively leaned forward and pecked Anthony’s lips. Just that small, brief contact was like lightning, stealing his breath and making his heart stutter. It was so much better than the kiss he had with Oscar, even if that one was much longer.

“Angel,” Anthony breathed against his lips, making a shiver run down Ezra’s spine before the back door opened.

Eliza, Deirdre, and the rest of their ever-changing click stumbled out, shouting, “Happy new year.”

Angled as they were, Ezra couldn’t blame his sister and her pose for barging out because they likely wouldn’t have seen anything. He could hate her a little, though, because Anthony turned away from him so quickly to greet them, getting to his feet, opening his arms, and accepting Eliza into them. 

There was an over-loud air kiss at each other’s cheeks, followed by giggles, and many of the other girls moving to do the same, only Dierdre and his own sister bothering with him. Not that he was offended, but he was a bit jealous.

And drunk. He was drunk and kissed his best friend, and oh… this was bad. This was very, very bad.

Unless….

When he peeked over at Anthony, he may have been hugging one of the girls, but he was looking at Ezra. And when she left and someone else took her place, he was still looking at Ezra.

“Bloody hell, ’s freezing out ‘ere,” Eliza said suddenly. “Right, back inside. Let these idiots freeze their dicks off.”

“Language,” Ezra grumbled, only to have Eliza stick her tongue out at him while the others laughed, stumbling back inside. When they were back in the house, he looked at Anthony (who Ezra wasn’t sure had ever taken his eyes off him) and started to get up. “Should probably,” he said, pausing when the world swayed a little. “Probably head back inside, too. ‘S cold, and we’re… we’re drunk.”

They were drunk. He had to remember that, an excuse if needed. Drunk, and lonely, and….

Anthony was still staring at him. 

“Overstepped, didn’t I?” Ezra managed to get out in only a partial slur. 

Anthony shook his head.

Ezra frowned. “Then why…?”

“I’m gonna kiss you,” Anthony replied. “You… you get close to me again, ‘m gonna kiss you.”

“We’re drunk.” Ezra reiterated. “Probably should… sober. Talk when sober. ‘Mon, let’s go.”

He went to Anthony, grabbed his hand, and brought him inside. 

Anthony didn’t try to kiss him.

He was far more disappointed than he should have been.

**2004**

~C~

Ezra had brought them to his room, which Anthony had been quite pleased about because Eliza was fantastic, and Deirdre was nice, but their friends were shit. He was pretty certain one of them tried to grope his arse, but he couldn’t be sure, being drunk and all.

Now, though, he was sober. Or, at least, pretty sober. Sober enough.

Enough to know he’d been lying on Ezra’s bed, in the dark for two hours not pretending to sleep, but also not sure what to say or do. 

He wanted to roll over, turn Ezra’s face, and kiss the life out of him. He wanted to snog him into the bed. He wanted to share another barely-there kiss and have it steal his breath and soul in one go.

He also didn’t want to ruin this wonderful thing that they had, didn’t want to be the one to ruin their friendship.

So he remained still, on his back, one hand on his stomach, the other behind his head, and Ezra so close to him he could feel the warmth of him against his side.

“Are you awake?” Ezra’s voice startled him, and Anthony turned to see his friend’s eyes open. 

“Yeah.” He replied, his voice a bit scratchy.

Ezra turned his head, looking at Anthony with sad eyes. “I apologize for earlier.”

Anthony’s blood ran cold. “You don’t have to, angel.”

“We were drunk,” Ezra said, eyes darting to a spot by Anthony’s head. “And I shouldn’t have….”

When Ezra didn’t continue speaking and didn’t look at him again, Anthony asked, “Do you regret it?”

Ezra’s eyes snapped to him, and his mouth moved, but no sound came out.

Anthony had known Ezra for going on five years now, he knew his best friend like the back of his hand. He knew the look Ezra got when he knew he should say one thing, but really meant the opposite. It’s partly how Anthony managed to convince him to not push himself away when Freddie was around. It was how he could convince Ezra to stay out a little longer than he intended (knowing, of course, that Cynthia wouldn’t mind). 

It was how he knew, right then, that Ezra didn’t regret kissing him one bit but was trying to say yes. 

So Anthony turned on his side, cupped Ezra’s face with the hand that had been resting on his stomach, and slowly leaned in toward him. He watched Ezra every second of the whole thing, seeing his breath hitch before his breathing grew heavy. He noticed Ezra didn’t look panicked but was scared. He felt Ezra tilt his head slightly toward him as Anthony closed the distance and pressed a feather-light kiss to Ezra’s lips.

It was exactly like it had been outside, just less cold. 

He placed another one, just a little longer this time, just a bit firmer. And then another.

Ezra’s hand touched Anthony’s wrist, and he paused, waiting, not wanting to push. But then Ezra kissed him just as light yet firm as Anthony had been doing, so he reciprocated.

 _Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit_ , Anthony chanted in his mind as the not-quite-snog continued. 

When Anthony felt tempted to deepen the kiss, he pulled back, resting his head on Ezra’s shoulder and willing his body and breathing to calm down.

Ezra exhaled, like a huff but without annoyance, and Anthony fisted the hair on the back of his own head and pulled.

“Oh… my,” Ezra said breathlessly, and Anthony blew out a long, slow breath.

“I should apologize, but I don’t wanna.” He said against Ezra’s shoulder.

“Please don’t,” Ezra said. “I should be the one to apologize.”

“Why,” Anthony asked, collecting himself enough to look up at Ezra.

He gave a sad grin, “Because I’m terrified.” Ezra confessed. “And despite how _wonderful_ that was… I’m still not ready. Not… assuming, of course, that this isn’t….”

“It’s not,” Anthony said. “I’ve… I’ve fancied on you for… a couple years now.”

Ezra’s eyes widened. “A-a couple years?” He stuttered.

“Yeah.” Anthony blushed.

“Oh,” Ezra said. “So… it wasn’t just me, then.”

Hope punched Anthony in the gut. “Y-you like me, too?”

Ezra bowed his head. “Bit more than like you, I think.” He said so softly Anthony almost didn’t hear him. He smiled like an absolute idiot, even when Ezra met his gaze again still sad and apologetic. “I’m sorry. I just don’t… I don’t want… I mean, if we start something and I-”

“Angel,” Anthony interrupted. “I’ll wait.”

Ezra blinked. “No, no I can’t. I can’t let you do that.”

“Let me?” Anthony smirked.

“You… while I do believe you when you say you’ve fancied me, I also know you’ve been very… active. Dating wise. I don’t want to be the reason you withhold from something you want.” Ezra explained.

“You’re what I want,” Anthony replied without hesitation. “I just didn’t think you’d go for someone like me.”

“Like you?” Ezra said in disbelief. “You’re… you’re so beyond me. In so many ways. It’s me that I didn’t think you would ‘go for’ as you say.”

“Shut up,” Anthony smirked, making Ezra smile.

Then Ezra looked worried again. “Can we be friends? Knowing what we know now? Can you still be my friend knowing I’m not….”

“Ezra, this doesn’t change anything for me except now I know I’m not an idiot for being so gone on you. Keep myself to myself, still be your best friend. Nothing will change, not if you don’t want it to.”

Ezra nodded. “Okay.” He said, letting go of Anthony’s wrist and pulling him toward his body, half holding him, half hugging him like they’d done many times before. Anthony pillowed his head on Ezra’s chest, and nuzzled just slightly, hoping this slight deviation was alright. A hand went to his hair and played with his locks, so he took that as a good sign, closed his eyes, and drifted off.

  
  


~A~

“Fuck sake, they’re loud,” Anthony grumbled as a loud, long, shrill wave of laughter carried down the hall and through the infinitesimal crack in Ezra’s bedroom door. “How does your mum sleep through that? Or do anything!?”

“She has a very good set of headphones,” Ezra replied without looking up from the draft of his essay. He was going to type it out at the library either before or after his shift the next day.

“Must be the best damn headphones on the market for her to be able to drown them out,” Anthony grumbled, and Ezra could hear the bed creak behind him as Anthony more than likely stretched out.

“They are,” Ezra said, looking at Anthony over his shoulder from where he was at his desk. Anthony was, indeed, stretched out on what was unofficially his side of the bed. “Eliza and I went in on them together for Christmas.”

“What reason have you to buy your mum noise-canceling headphones? We aren’t that loud,” Anthony said, and then tensed, blushing a little.

He understood why, of course. Since January there was hardly a weekend that passed in which Anthony hadn’t slept over. But not once had the events of the new year passed again. At least, not the parts in which… well, there may have been sharing a bed, there may have been cuddles, but there were no more kisses. 

Ezra hadn’t been sure how to feel about that. On one hand, he sort of loved Anthony all the more for respecting his boundaries. On the other, he wondered if he’d missed something in the last five months. If maybe Anthony had been seeing someone who didn’t attend their school and didn’t tell him about it. He couldn’t blame him, not really. Ezra said he wasn’t ready, and while Anthony said he would wait he wasn’t used to being without, not since Fredrick.

“I went in on them with Eliza because I love my mother, and if one of us doesn’t have to listen to Eliza and her entourage, I would rather it be her. Especially given how brazen some of them can be.” He replied. As he turned back to his work he added, “I’m almost done, I promise.”

“’S alright, take your time,” Anthony said behind him. “Might go get something to nibble. Maybe snag a cider or something since your mum said we could.”

“If there are any left,” Ezra remarked. “They’re at least a two-cider loud at the moment.”

“Right, off I go, then,” Anthony said, the bed shifting from his weight, and then his fingers were lingering over Ezra’s back, just below his neck, causing a shiver to sip its way down Ezra’s spine.

He doubted Anthony noticed, and before Ezra knew it, Anthony had slipped out the door, the sounds from the living room getting louder. 

Ezra’s eyes nearly drifted shut from the residual pleasure before he heard Eliza’s voice drift down over the noise they called music.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“Getting us a drink before you get them all,” Anthony’s voice countered, and Ezra smiled.

“Well you better hurry, ‘cause the good ones will be gone, soon.”

“You and I have very different ideas of what the good ones are,” Anthony retorted.

“Good, you and Ez can have the gross ones,” Eliza replied, and Ezra snapped out of it. 

He glanced down at his work, concentrating on finishing the last of his work, only momentarily distracted by someone darting into the loo across the hall. The moment he wrote the last sentence, he tossed his pencil down and darted out of the bedroom.

And promptly ran into Clara, one of Eliza’s newer friends, but someone he’d seen around the school before.

“Oh, sorry.” She chuckled, backing up a bit. 

Ezra waited a moment, expecting Clara to go back down the hall as she glanced that way.

“Can I ask you something?” She asked, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You’re Anthony’s best mate, yeah?”

“Y-yes.” Ezra stuttered.

“Is he seeing someone?” She asked, and Ezra paled. 

“Umm… no. Not to my knowledge.” 

He could have said _“he’s waiting on me”_ but he didn’t. He could have told Clara Anthony _was_ seeing someone, but he didn’t because that would be lying and he simply couldn’t. Especially if it turned out that Anthony hadn’t wanted to wait anymore, but he also hadn’t exactly found someone else.

Clara smiled and practically skipped down the hall, and Ezra had regrets in an instant. He took a minute to get himself together before heading down the hall to the kitchen. 

Eliza was in the living room with her friends except for Clara, but they were all rather quiet. That’s when Ezra heard it.

“Been thinking you and I could go out sometime,” Clara asked Anthony in a very flirtatious tone.

“I’m seeing someone,” Anthony replied without missing a beat, and Ezra’s heart fell.

“Ezra said you weren’t.” Clara countered.

“’Cause technically we’re not together,” Anthony replied. 

“Well, yeah,” Clara said as if it was something obvious and not a more confusing (though hopeful) statement. “Course you’re not with _him._ ”

There was a lengthy pause. “You… you do realize I spend all my time with him, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I see you around the school together,” Clara said, and Ezra looked to Eliza to see his sister smirking back at him.

“Yeah, but… okay, you know I also like blokes, right?” Anthony said.

“Uh-huh.”

“And… I spend _all_ my time with him.” Anthony emphasized. 

At this point, Eliza was giggling behind her hand, Dierdre was blushing and hiding her face, and the other girls seemed to be experiencing secondhand embarrassment.

“What,” Clara chuckled. “Are you trying to say you’re savin’ yourself for Ezra?”

“And if I am?”

“Oh, you can do much better than him.” 

“I am right here, you know,” Ezra said indignantly, startling everyone listening, even Eliza, and had Clara jump back a good couple of feet from Anthony. Ezra, having called himself out, went to the kitchen door where Clara had just emerged, and saw a flustered but smiling Anthony in the doorway. 

“My hero,” Anthony teased.

“Oh hush,” Ezra said as he grabbed the bag of crisps that was pinched in the same hand as two of the four cider bottles Anthony had been carrying. “I just didn’t want to be insulted in my own home. Bad enough I have to put up with it at school.”

“Oh,” One of the girls - Diane, if Ezra remembered- spoke up. “No one says anything bad about you anymore, believe me. Not after what you did to Freddie last year.”

“Oh, that’s right, Ezra was the one who did that, wasn’t he?” Another one of the girls pointed out. “Freddie keeps trying to tell people it was a ball to the face, but a quarter of the school saw it happen, and those who didn’t had heard about it quick enough he didn’t stand a hope of changing the story.”

“Yea, well,” Ezra said, and when he realized people were looking at him, he made as he had after punching Fredrick, turned around, and headed back down the hall. 

He heard Anthony hurrying behind him.

Once they were back behind the nearly closed door, Anthony gave a soft laugh. “Right, well, that was a thing.” He said before setting down the cider.

Ezra looked down at the crisp bag in his hand, only now realizing that Anthony had grabbed his favorite. He smiled briefly at that, at one more little thing, before he set the bag down on the desk beside the cider. 

“Are you really….” He started, then lost his nerve.

“Am I really what, angel?” Anthony asked casually, picking up a bottle of the cider and twisting off the cap with ease.

Ezra could only see about half of it, not daring to look too directly at Anthony while he twisted his fingers about nervously.

“Are you really… well, not saving yourself. That’s… that’s an odd term, really, when you consider the sort of connotations that go with it. But… are you not… are you-” He stopped when he felt Anthony’s hand on his cheek, darting his eyes up to meet Anthony’s.

“Yes.” He said. “I said I would, and I will. However long you need.”

It terrified and thrilled him. The young man he was so painfully in love with was waiting for him to catch up. To be brave and take a chance that they could be something more. 

It could go utterly, terribly wrong.

It could go wonderfully, beautifully right.

“I… I don’t need more time.” Ezra said. “Just patience.”

Anthony’s eyes widened. “I can do patient.” At Ezra’s skeptical look he said, “I can do patient with you.”

“Alright,” Ezra said as he placed his hand over Anthony’s. “And… if I’m not what… if you change your mind….”

“I….” Anthony started and stopped. He looked at his feet with a frown. “If something happens, you’re still my best friend. Can’t imagine what’ll stop that being the case.”

“Alright,” Ezra said. Then taking a breath, he moved his hand from Anthony’s hand to his cheek, holding him still while he leaned in and placed a very gentle kiss on the very still man’s lips. It lasted only seconds, and when he pulled back he said, “I would very much like to go on a date with you, if I may.”

“Yeah,” Anthony replied. “Yeah, you, yeah.”

~C~

Anthony had been dreaming of the perfect first date for Ezra and him since long before he knew it would even be possible to _have_ a first date with Ezra. It changed and reshaped over time, but the bare bones always remained the same. 

As soon as said first date was possible, he did two things: asked Cynthia for special permission to possibly stay out past curfew, and actually go to his own home after school to borrow the only car he was allowed access to. 

Anthony liked to drive, and when Ezra was working and he didn’t quite feel like hanging about in the library, he often went for a drive around town. Before he would, on occasion, drive around with whomever he was seeing as a lame excuse for a date that always seemed to pass as one. He would not do that with Ezra. He wouldn’t simply cruise around and then find a good spot to park and snog. No, Anthony had plans.

While Ezra worked his shift at the library on a Friday night, Anthony gathered everything they would need and stashed it in the boot. There was an urge to make sure everything about himself was perfect that he had to tamp down, both because Ezra had seen him at his worst and still liked him, and because a shift at the library wasn’t something someone walked away from in a perfect state.

Pulling into the library lot, Anthony parked, then hurried into the building as if he were merely going to meet Ezra for the end of his shift and walk home with him like he’d done plenty since January. He smoothed the sides of his hair as he walked in the building, ruffling the longer strands on top, and headed for where he knew Ezra was likely to be working.

He stopped short when he entered the section and found Oscar sitting at a table watching Ezra work with a love-struck grin. Anthony glanced at Ezra who (per usual) didn’t seem to notice his audience.

For some reason Anthony couldn’t explain, he felt a bit guilty for going up to Ezra with Oscar watching. He made sure to wave at the bloke when he noticed him come in and wasn’t sure what to make of the grin and wave Oscar gave him in return. He went to Ezra cautiously, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and prepared to have his plans ground to dust.

“Hey, angel.” Anthony greeted him quietly.

Ezra smiled at him, finishing shelving the books he had in his hands without really looking at them.

“Hello,” Ezra replied as happily as a quiet voice could allow. “I was expecting you a little earlier.”

“I had to go get a few things from my house first.” Anthony shrugged. “I didn’t know Oscar was back.”

“Yes, he came back this afternoon, apparently,” Ezra replied, brushing his hands together. 

“Ah,” Anthony said, not sure what else to add. He looked at the shelves next to them, the titles barely registering as his eyes scanned them.

“Are you alright, darling?” Ezra asked

“Yeah, just nervous.” He admitted. 

“Whatever for?” Ezra asked, checking his watch.

Anthony took a deep breath. “For the plans I made for us.” He said. “Unless you made some with Oscar, and then-”

“Oh,” Ezra’s eyes brightened. “Oh, no, I hadn’t really had all that much time to talk to him this evening. I must go clock out, and then I was going to take a moment to say hello. Is… is that alright?”

“Yeah,” Anthony said quickly, “yeah, there’s no rush. Should I just…?” He asked, gesturing vaguely in Oscar’s direction. 

“Of course,” Ezra said, giving his arm a squeeze and quick caress before heading to the back, gesturing to Oscar that he would be back.

Anthony watched Ezra go as he drifted to the table and plopped down in a chair that was thankfully out just enough to catch him.

“You two are dating now,” Oscar stated, and Anthony snapped his head in the other man’s direction. Oscar was grinning, though it wasn’t an entirely happy grin.

“Umm… sorta,” Anthony replied. “We’re… we haven’t… ummm…. I’ve been waiting, see. Since January. And last week, he, umm, well, he said he was ready. So… tonight.”

“Good luck,” Oscar replied genuinely. “If I must lose my chance with him, I’m glad I lost it to you and not someone like that ex of yours he punched last year.”

Anthony gave a bit of a hysterical laugh. “Really?” he asked.

“Really,” Oscar nodded, and a moment later, Ezra reentered the room. As the blonde came over, Oscar smiled at him. “I won’t keep you.” He interrupted Ezra before he had a chance to speak. “But how about sometime next week the three of us can grab a bite and catch up before one of your shifts.”

Ezra blinked. “Oh… if that’s what you’d like.”

“I would,” Oscar replied with a single nod. “Now go on, have fun.” 

Ezra nodded in confusion, bidding Oscar goodnight as he left the library with his hand in Anthony’s.

When they were outside the building, he asked, “I wonder what he could have meant by that?”

“Ah,” Anthony replied, tugging Ezra toward the lot instead of down the walkway as they would normally go. “Well, see, he figured us out.”

“Did he?” Ezra asked, a touch skeptical.

“He had,” Anthony assured. “I wouldn’t have told him, figured you would when you were ready, but like I said. Anyway, we aren’t going right back to yours.”

“Anthony, mum-”

“Knows. I asked she was okay with it.” He said as he led Ezra to the simple black car, pulling out the keys and unlocking with a button and that annoying little chirp sound.

Ezra’s eyes went wide. “What, exactly, is going on?”

Anthony took a deep breath. “Our first date.”

“In a car?”

“We need the car to get to the date.”

“Anthony, I know you think me naive, but-”

“It’s not like that, I promise.” He swore, moving to the passenger door and opening it for Ezra. “Get in the car, angel. Promise, no funny business.”

Ezra pursed his lips but went with it, placing his messenger bag in the backseat before climbing in and pointedly buckling up. 

Anthony rolled his eyes and went around to the driver’s side.

“It was one time.” He said as he put the key in the ignition. 

“One time is one too many.” Ezra retorted.

“I didn’t hit them, they didn’t hit me, we were all fine.”

“Just promise me you won’t drive like a mad man.” Ezra practically begged.

“Just pick the music, you won’t even notice the driving.” Anthony retorted as he started the engine, and grinned.

~*~  
  


“I noticed the driving,” Ezra said as they got out of the car, Anthony went to the boot to get the stuff out. 

“It wasn’t that bad,” Anthony grumbled as he pulled out a canvas picnic basket with an old blanket tossed over the top to hide its contents.

“You nearly missed a stop sign. Twice.” Ezra countered as Anthony closed the boot and moved to join him. 

“I couldn’t see them.” Anthony protested as he took Ezra’s hand in his and led them to the entrance of the botanical gardens. He could feel his palms getting sweaty, which was just awful, but there wasn’t anything for it. 

He didn’t fumble with the tickets he’d bought earlier in the week, at least, handing them to the person at the counter with a confidence he didn’t really have.

This was nothing like any of his other first dates. This was nothing like any of his other dates, regardless of the number. He led Ezra through the entry, the twilight of the night making the lights placed around the gardens glow in a lovely sort of way that set a romantic atmosphere. Once in a while, there was a display set up using fairy lights and the sculpted plants to create a scene one could only see at night.

Ezra seemed to delight in it, which was a great first step in Anthony’s mind. He brought them deeper in the garden, passing very few couples and even fewer families along the way.

“This is wonderful,” Ezra said. “But I’m not sure….”

“There’s a light show on the water, only happening this month,” Anthony explained. “I remember mum used to take me here when I was a kid for it but hadn’t for… a long time.”

“Yes, I remember seeing the advertisements for it,” Ezra said as Anthony brought him over to an empty spot by the water, a few trees and bushes between them and the family and another couple on either side of them.

Anthony took out the blanket and laid it on the ground. Or, he attempted to. Ezra had to help him with the second attempt, and it still wasn’t straight, but it would do. 

They got down on it, and then Anthony began to unpack the rest of the basket.

“I’ve got to drive, so it’s fizzy drink for us.” He said as he took out the two bottles he had inside. “And I know it’s not much, just a grocery tray of nibbles, some fruits, and whatnot, but….”

“Anthony,” Ezra asked, getting him to look up from the contents of the basket. He was smiling his wonderful, doe-eyed smile that was seen so rarely, and Anthony felt a bit stupid at having it directed at him. “It’s perfect.”

“Ah, well.” He rubbed at the back of his head. “Good.”

Ezra scooted much closer, kissing Anthony briefly before he pressed their foreheads together. Anthony let out a pleased little hum, thrilled to his core, and was more so when Ezra shifted so they were snuggled together. They nibbled, chatting about things, anything, and nothing. And when the light show started, Anthony watched it from the corner of his eye, more content with seeing it reflected in Ezra’s eyes, and it was perfect.

~*~

They’d gotten back to the Fells just after midnight. 

Anthony had dropped the car back off at his parents' place, noting that neither of them was home to have ever known it was gone. He and Ezra then walked back to his house, Anthony’s overnight bag slung over his shoulder.

They’d gone through the usual routine of getting ready for bed as they had for the last five years of sleepovers, and then they climbed into Ezra’s bed with the door still open the appropriate amount and turned off the lights.

“Thank you for this evening,” Ezra said in a soft voice. “It was lovely, and I rather enjoyed it.”

“Thanks for coming out with me,” Anthony replied with a slight grin. “Hope your first date was everything you wanted it to be?”

“And more so,” Ezra said, leaning over and kissing Anthony on the cheek.

They stared at one another for a long moment, and Anthony sighed. “This is weird.” He said.

“Oh, thank _god_ it’s not just me!” Ezra replied and then they burst into giggles that they tried really hard to keep quiet.

~A~

The weirdness, thankfully, passed. 

It took a few dates for them to realize they either had to have it end before they went to sleep, or have them on nights when Anthony hadn’t any intention of sleeping over. Much easier to do over the summer months, when school was no longer a factor.

And much to Ezra’s greatest pleasure, Anthony had the patience for him. He never pushed, he never even _suggested_ moving things beyond snogging on occasion. He worried, at first, that maybe Anthony wasn’t as interested in him as he’d thought, but… well, there were just some things that couldn’t be hidden, and when Eliza happened to hog the bathroom one night, Anthony very suddenly couldn’t disappear for a few minutes.

Which made Ezra appreciate his waiting all the more.

Their first time had been a bit of a disaster in the very best way. Anthony may have had the experience, but he might as well have been a virgin himself for all the good it did him.

They had waited until university, waited until they were settled and they’d figured out how to live away from home. Ezra’s roommate didn’t actually live on campus, and while Anthony had a dorm of his own he was almost never there. Instead, they mostly lived together in Ezra’s. 

Becoming more intimate was inevitable, though perhaps not as quickly or enthusiastically as many their age seemed to be. He did like to believe that there was far more love in the act between them. They could laugh with one another as they fumbled through it, he wasn’t as embarrassed by anything like he thought he would be because Anthony wouldn’t let him be.

And when Anthony had blurted, “Oh fuck, I love you,” for the first time, well… Ezra may have giggled, but at least he said it back at the moment.

And again afterward as they cuddled together, souls absolutely filled it with love and contentment.

So, really, it was inevitable that it would all go to pot.

**2005**

The start of it happened just after the new year when James Crowley decided he didn’t like Anthony going to Oxford. Never mind that an Oxford education carried weight, never mind that he was doing very well academically. Anthony didn’t come back with a girlfriend, didn’t have an interest in finding one, hadn’t had one in over a year. He also heard that his son had been seen around town over the Christmas holidays with a boy. One who happened to attend the same university and one who he happened to know was very, very gay.

Anthony would be starting school in September in London. A bit of a tighter leash, in which he’d be housed in a flat where his neighbors were his father’s boot-lickers. 

It didn’t stop them.

Not at first. 

But James found a way. Anthony shouldn’t have expected anything less.

“You’ll need a job.” He told his son one morning during the Christmas hols.

“Why?” Anthony asked.

“Well… you’ll want to eat, won’t you?” James said in a matter-of-fact way. “I’ll pay your rent, of course, but I believe your allowance should be cut off. No more being able to access your account to buy the nancy a ticket to see you in London.”

Anthony kept his mouth shut because that was _exactly_ what he’d been doing. 

No, he couldn’t have Ezra over to the flat, but he _could_ go out on the town with him. And Ezra could stay at Eliza’s place if they felt going back to Anthony’s was a bit risky. They didn’t do it often, Ezra had gotten a job around the campus library to help his meager savings, to have a little bit of extra spending money. Mostly, Anthony went to see him, but even those weren’t all that frequent.

“Right, so, I’m supposed to study full time, and get a job,” Anthony said, and while he knew it was possible, he didn’t really love the idea. 

“It will build character, something you seem in desperate need of these days,” James grumbled. “Be convenient, really. Your mother and I aren’t planning on staying here now that you’re out of school. I have an eye on a townhouse in London. Small thing, only a couple bedrooms.”

Anthony furrowed his brow. “Wait so… you’re moving… while I’m away at school.”

“Not like it will affect you any, you can’t exactly just leave a flat for two or three months. Nor can you really leave a job like that.”

Anthony blinked. “You expect me to stay there.”

“I expect you to stay where I know you’ll be seen, heard. I’d keep you with us but there’s a bit of shame in having my grown-ass son still live with us.” James countered with a snarl. 

“And what exactly happens if I don’t heel?” Anthony asked because he knew. He knew that if James Crowley had thought this much through to get his way, he’d have covered his basis.

“Your education is no longer funded, you will find yourself homeless and penniless, and if you even _think_ about crawling to that… fairy, I will see to it that he will never finish at that school, which will ensure he won’t get far in life. I’ve heard that his late father was an Oxford alumnus. Be a pity if he’d disgraced his father’s memory.”

Anthony called his bluff. 

He called it wrong.

**2006**

“I had the most unsettling conversation with someone in admissions this morning.” Ezra had told him when they were in his room, despite them having the house to themselves. 

Anthony frowned. “Unsettling how?” He asked.

“Well,” Ezra said, taking a deep breath. “They said that someone challenged my scholarship status. That perhaps I hadn’t been entirely truthful in my application, and, well, it had left me quite rattled. As far as I can tell, everything was-”

“Wait… when did… when did they say this…?”

“I’ve no idea, to be honest, love,” Ezra replied as he sat beside him on the bed. “I hadn’t thought to even ask. Why?”

Anthony buried his face in his hands. “I think I know.” 

~A~

Anthony had gone with him to Oxford, but only because he had a day longer on holiday than Ezra. What’s more, Ezra bought the train ticket, ensuring Anthony’s father wouldn’t see the purchase.

He wanted to say it was a pleasant trip. He wanted to say they smiled and laughed, cuddled and held hands the whole way there.

But they didn’t. They sat solemnly, quietly, trying to figure out a way they could get around this all.

Neither had come up with anything by the time they were back in Ezra’s dorm, where the door was locked and they sat one on the bed, one on the computer chair, clinging to the fraying strings of their relationship.

“One of us has to give up what we want,” Anthony said what they both were thinking, what neither of them wanted to admit. “I tell dad where he can shove it, I lose my education. I lose my inheritance. I have to start from scratch, and I … don’t have any real work experience. I won’t even have a place to live.”

“And if I wanted to help you, I would have to leave school, too. Which means I would have to pay back my scholarship.”

“I can’t make you do that,” Anthony said mournfully. “Not… this is your dream. This is what you wanted.”

“I also want you,” Ezra replied quietly. “But… it would look terrible, really, my leaving and….”

“You might even have trouble getting a loan if you ever tried to go back. And I have a feeling that even if we _do_ manage to keep you in school, he’ll still keep coming after you. I don’t know who he knows in admissions, but he already proved it’s someone important.”

“Because of the call I got.” Ezra nodded. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. “It’s likely he can’t _really_ do anything, I don’t believe he has as much power as he thinks.”

“But what’s it going to do to you, to your reputation around here, if the admins keep getting calls about you. And what’s next? You’ll be suspected of cheating, of-of pilfering books from the library. Fuck sake, he calls enough times, and they will watch to see how many cupcakes you get when you go to the cafe!”

“You keep putting this focus on me, but what about you?”

“I don’t give a damn about me,” Anthony retorted sharply.

“But I do!” Ezra snapped back. They stared at each other in silence for a long while before he continued. “We… say we don’t back down, and you lose everything. Your chance to do something wonderful, and are stuck working a job you hate for the rest of your life, what then? You’ll hate me.”

“I could never hate you,” Anthony replied gently. “But… you _would_ resent me if you lost your chance to graduate from here. I don’t even want to know what your mum would think, you tossing all this aside for a boy.”

Ezra sighed, “I want to say she would understand I did it for love, but no. Mum would always wonder at that, be more than a bit disappointed. She never compromised on what she wanted for anyone.”

Anthony scrubbed at his face while Ezra leaned back in the chair, desperately hoping for some divine intervention that would lead them away from the road they were heading toward.

“We call each other,” Anthony said. “We can. And… we can… we can video chat like we have been. And… maybe… I’ll try and save enough money to come see you.”

“How are you going to get enough time off to see me when you’re studying _and_ working?” Ezra asked. “You’ll need the weekend hours to cover your bills, your groceries.”

“I don’t need to eat that much,” Anthony argued weakly, not that it would have made a difference. They both knew, deep down, visiting one another would be a luxury neither of them could properly afford.

“You could come see me,” Anthony said softly. “When you can.”

“I barely had the time to see you when you came to me, how on earth am I going to find the time to see you?” Ezra asked as his throat began to tighten. “Going to London was a luxury.”

“So how is this going to work if we never see each other?” Anthony asked softly.

“I… I don’t believe it will.” Ezra replied, his lip trembling. “We could try, of course, we could try. But….”

“But how much are we willing to risk?” Anthony finished for him. 

“I want to say everything,” Ezra replied as his eyes began to blur. “I want to say I would give up everything for you. Because I love you, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Anthony said, sliding off the bed to his knees and walking over to Ezra on them. He took Ezra’s hands in his. “I love you and I don’t want to do this, I don’t.” He broke first, sobbing in Ezra’s lap. And Ezra followed close behind, bending over Anthony and letting his heartbreak with his.

At some point, they got up. At some point, they started kissing. At some point, there was more.

As they dressed in the early hours of the morning, they set rules.

“We wait,” Anthony said. “No… no big conversations until we’re both ready.”

“But we will check-in, once a week, touch base.” Ezra agreed, reminding him of one of their earlier agreed-upon plans. “We will not lose touch with one another. We were friends before… we… we can be friends again.”

“I said we would be. When we started this I swore whatever happens,” Anthony said vehemently.

“And… and now we’re in… we’ve come to that.” Ezra nodded once.

“We date,” Anthony said, and Ezra’s heart twisted at that, even if it was him that said _Anthony_ should see other people. “ _We_ date, angel. I don’t… I don’t want… don’t wait for me.”

“You did. Wait for me.” Ezra reminded.

“That was different,” Anthony replied softly. “I knew there would be a point in which you would be ready. This… we don’t know…” He huffed. “We’ll be twenty-five in five years. That’s… I’m supposed to get my inheritance then. If in five years, we’re both… we could….”

“Five years.” Ezra nodded, though he may as well have said five thousand for how long it felt in that moment. 

Both finally dressed, they stood in the small room, taking one another in.

“I could just stay here forever,” Anthony said. “Find a way to stop time. I leave here and… and that’s it.”

Ezra gave a wobbly smile before closing the distance between them, cupping Anthony’s face, and kissing him one last time. Anthony pressed his forehead to Ezra’s, keeping him close to the last minute, something Ezra could appreciate.

“Mind how you go, da-… mind how you go, my dear.” He said, stepping back.

“Bye, angel,” Anthony said, he turned and headed for the door, opening it, taking one last look at Ezra, before he shut it.

Ezra waited until he couldn’t hear the footsteps in the dorm corridor before he allowed himself to break down once more.

~*~ 

There had been one more inquiry after school resumed, but with his head held high, Ezra promised the administration it really was some sort of mistake, and that they can check everything again and find everything in order.

A clerical error, they’d said. It wasn’t _him_ that there was an issue with but another student. A transposed number, something that could have happened to anyone. And would he please forgive them and the misunderstanding?

He also hadn’t heard from Anthony in three weeks.

~C~

“I’m sorry,” Anthony said feebly after the fifth week.

“I suppose I can forgive you,” Ezra retorted over the phone. Had to be on the phone, Anthony wasn’t ready to look at him yet. 

About a week after the worst day of his life, his father had come to check on him. He’d been informed by the lackey of the year that he could hear Anthony sobbing through the walls, so he took that as a sign he’d ended things.

“Could be a man about it at least,” James had said as he looked around the flat he rented for Anthony with disdain. “Plenty of women out there more than willing to fuck a man who had his heart broken, though how you get a broken heart from someone like that...”

“Right.” Anthony had said, too tired, too wrung out, to even put in the effort of pretending to be interested or caring. “I have a job interview in an hour, what do you want?”

“To inform you that as long as you two keep your distance, I’ll back off. You might also want to know that while I’m still paying what’s needed, they’re all going to be in your name. You fuck off back to that … _him_ again, and you’re going to start finding yourself in a shit swamp.”

“It’s always going to be about money for you, isn’t it?” Anthony had asked.

“Makes the world go round. And believe me, boy, you don’t want to be on the lower end of things.”

He learned that fairly quickly.

Anthony was lucky he got the job, but working as a barista didn’t pay as much as he’d like, especially part time, and there was no aid to come before his first paycheck. He’d been working and studying on cheap food, barely able to let the ramen noodles stretch until he got his first paycheck. He was tired all the time, more than he’d ever been in his life, and he wasn’t sure he could talk to Ezra without losing his damn mind.

He waited another two weeks after that mostly because he was terrified, but decided to bite the bullet and call his best friend after splurging on a bottle of terribly cheap spirits and taking just enough hits from it to give him a bit of courage.

The rest was for after the phone call.

“How’ve you been?” Anthony asked, instantly hating himself.

“Wretched,” Ezra replied. “But… I think you were right about what your father. So… wretched though I am, things could be worse in a very different way.”

“Good. Good.” Anthony said, subtly taking another drink. “How’s… yeah.”

“It’s alright.” Ezra said, “I’m… I’m not sure what to say either.”

 _I love you, I miss you, I need you, this is horrible, I hate the man, I hate that he did this, I hate that he_ could _do this._

They stayed on the line in silence for another few minutes.

“I’m not ready yet,” Anthony whispered.

“I’m not either, apparently,” Ezra replied softly as well.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, angel.”

“Bye, my dear.”

**2007**

“So Bea, I told you about Bea, haven’t I?” Anthony asked, and Ezra grinned as he filled out the application for another scholarship, hopefully, to cover what he needed to finish a masters. 

“You have.” He nodded even though Anthony couldn’t see him. It had been over a year, and neither could bring themselves to video chat with one another just yet. They’d only just gotten to the point a couple of months ago where they could actually talk like they had before they started seeing each other. It was slow and painful, and in many ways, it was like Ezra was dragging himself through sludge, but he felt these conversations were hard-earned. 

“Bea decided they didn’t really like Ligar calling them ‘her’ even as a joke. So, bucket of compost water was placed over the door….”

“You thought of that, I know you did,” Ezra smirked.

“I did,” Anthony replied, and he could just picture that chin lift, that smug grin. “But Bea was the one who set it up over the door in just such a way, and made sure that there would be a video to be replayed anytime the bastard tried to say they weren’t a … they.”

Ezra giggled. “I think I would like them very much.”

Anthony fell silent. “I don’t know if you would.”

“Whatever do you mean? They sound like an absolute delight.”

“Don’t let Bea hear you say that,” Anthony warned. “’Delight’. I think they’d have an aneurysm.”

“Well,” Ezra said, the giggles coming in again in a slight wave that petered off. “I suppose my dated linguistics may not be for everyone.”

“That’s… not it,” Anthony said, and Ezra stilled. He knew what was coming before it was even said, he knew, but it still stung like hell when Anthony said, “We’re sleeping together.”

Ezra closed his eyes, trying to remind himself to breathe. That it had been more than a year, and most would have expected this to have happened a long time ago. Ezra certainly had to some degree, Anthony had always been more licentious than he was.

It didn’t make it any easier.

“Ezra?” Anthony said, and Ezra took another deep breath.

“I certainly can’t fault them for their excellent taste, now can I?” Ezra replied with only a slight shake to his voice and his very best forced grin. 

“I’m sorry,” Anthony said. 

“Whatever for?” Ezra said. “It’s hardly like… you don’t have anything to be sorry about, my dear.”

“It’s just sex.”

“You don’t have to justify anything to me, Anthony,” Ezra said much more firmly this time. 

There was a pause. “Did you end up going out with Oscar?’

“No,” Ezra replied. “I wasn’t ready.”

“Angel,” Anthony started.

“No, don’t. Please.” Ezra cut him off.

Anthony huffed. “You know… it’s almost like….”

“Almost like what?” Ezra asked, application forgotten, pen set aside.

“Like… you aren’t even trying.” He replied softly.

“Well, what do you expect from me?” Ezra retorted. “I wasn’t exactly coveted before you, and I’ve not exactly grown in appeal. Not to mention Oscar is a friend, a _good_ friend. The last time I took a chance on turning a friendship into something more, I practically lost my best friend.” He’d become more impassioned as he went, and Ezra had to take a moment to reign himself in. “I still don’t have you back, not the way it was. I can’t… I’m not ready.”

“I’m sorry,” Anthony said. “I shouldn’t have pushed. I just… I don’t want you to be lonely.”

“Well, I was lonely before I met you, it’s something I do know how to be.” He countered. And then to soften things, added, “I have Gabriel, he and I… we do things. Get tea or dinner. Study together sometimes. He’s also inquired if I wanted to, perhaps, see each other romantically but I’ve also declined him. I’m just… not ready. So please, don’t.”

“Alright, angel.” Anthony conceded, and then changed the topic to something that happened at the cafe he worked at earlier in the week.

And Ezra listened, he did. He even engaged Anthony from time to time. But the whole time, in the back of his mind, he could feel something slip away from him.

It wasn’t until he got off the phone that he realized what slipped away was hope. Hope that, when the five years were over, he and Anthony would somehow fall back into one another’s arms like nothing at all had happened.

He went on a date the following week with a bloke from one of his literature classes. It wasn’t horrible, but he had no interest in a second date. It was, at least, a start.

**2008**

“I don’t know if you and I would have worked out,” Oscar mused as he took a sip of his beer, and Ezra ran his finger around the rim of his wine glass.

“Thank you for that,” He smirked at his friend, and Oscar chuckled.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way, just… well, look. You’re still going to be in Oxford for, what? A few years yet.”

“I plan on getting my doctorate, yes.” Ezra nodded. “Though between you and I, I’m beginning to wonder if that would be the way to go.”

“Oh?” Oscar arched a brow, taking another drink.

Ezra raised the glass to his lips, taking a drink. “I’ve asked around, and it’s come to my attention that academia _could_ pay well if I’m lucky. Otherwise… I would probably end up teaching. Which makes me wonder if maybe I should just go on and do that anyway.” 

Oscar tilted his head from side to side, looking pensive. “Possibly.” He nodded. “It’s entirely possible that, yes, you could be wasting a bunch of money. You aren’t able to apply…?”

“No, afraid not,” Ezra said. “I’m most definitely at my limit for scholarships at this point, which would mean a loan.”

After a moment, Oscar asked, “What does Anthony think?”

“When he’s available for comment, it’s mostly ‘I say do what you want’.” Ezra replied. “Most times these days, he’s barely awake when we talk.”

“Is he still seeing…?”

“Honestly, I don’t even know anymore.” Ezra sighed. “He… Bea is the only one I know he sees on a strictly casual basis between relationships, which he seems to go through like candy.”

“No blokes?” Oscar asked.

“No,” Ezra shook his head. “Or if there are, he’s not told me. Which… I can understand why he wouldn’t.” He took another drink of his wine. “I’m still in love with him, how pathetic is that? Two years, it’s been two years since we split up, and I still… pine.”

Oscar shrugged. “I pined for you for a few years, I don’t think I’m the best judge of how long someone should take to get over someone. And we never even dated.”

“I suppose we could have,” Ezra said, sucking up a bit of courage. “We still could.”.

“Did I not say we would never have worked out?” Oscar asked with a laugh.

“But how could we know if we don’t try?” Ezra teased.

“It could be that I live here, in Edinburgh,” Oscar replied with a smile before gesturing to Ezra’s wine. “How many of those have you had again?”

Ezra smacked his friend’s arm playfully while Oscar laughed.

When he settled, Oscar took another drink and said, “I’m willing to try if you are.”

Ezra blinked. “Really?” 

Oscar shrugged. “I may still, on occasion, pine.” He grinned. “And how long has it been since you’ve been on a date. A proper date where you know the person before you go out, and are actually trying to see if you’d work romantically? When there is actually a possibility of something more than a handshake at the end of the evening?”

Ezra thought about that.

“Anthony,” He replied. “I haven’t been on a date like that since my last one with Anthony.” 

~C~

“You weren’t around last night,” Anthony said as he moved around his tiny kitchen, hair tied back in a bun, attempting to make something more substantial than ramen. Spaghetti couldn’t be that much harder, and despite keeping his meals to something cheap, takeaway was getting very old, very fast, and the end of the day sandwiches and things from the cafe couldn’t be his only vaguely healthy options.

Start small, that’s what Bea had said when he told them his plan. Spaghetti and a jar of sauce.

And if he called his best mate while cooking it to make sure he could ask someone who wouldn’t tease him over stupid questions, so be it. He was just really glad Ezra answered.

“Ah, yes… that,” Ezra said, his voice sounding strange and pitchy. “As it happens… I was… preoccupied.”

“New book?” Anthony asked, smiling.

“No. I was. With Oscar.” Ezra said hesitantly as Anthony began to shake the noodles into the boiling water.

“Oh? What did you two chat about, then?”

“…. Well, if I’m honest, there wasn’t a whole lot of chatting going on.”

Anthony flinched, about three-quarters of the box’s contents sliding into the pot because of it.

“Not… a lot… are you saying… you… two…?”

“I…” Ezra huffed. “Yes. We’ve been attempting dating, and all that tends to go with that.”

Anthony didn’t know what to say. He certainly didn’t like the idea, of course, because he still loved Ezra. But Ezra wasn’t his, he hadn’t been for pushing three years, now. And it was hardly like Anthony had lived a chaste life since then. The difference was, none of them meant anything. 

Oscar might mean something.

“So… h-h-how’s it going?” he asked as he stared at the small mountain of noodles slowly sinking into the pot.

“Well,” Ezra started. “It’s not terrible.”

Anthony barked a laugh, “raving review, right there.”

“Well it’s not terrible,” Ezra replied indignantly. “I just can’t say… It’s all rather lovely, of course. The dates are lovely, he is lovely, everything is just-”

“Lovely?” Anthony guessed as he took a spatula and attempted to either sink the noodles further or break them in half. It might not have been the right utensil, but it was what he grabbed and it wasn’t like this experiment in cooking was off to a good start anyway.

Ezra sighed. “I’m not sure I should talk about this with you.”

That told Anthony everything he needed to know to both feel terribly relieved and utterly heartsick. He understood. Everything could be lovely, he could date all sorts of wonderful people, but they weren’t Ezra.

“How’d Gabriel take it?” Anthony switched gears, knowing that this would lighten the mood.

“He seems to be alright with my decision, though it surprises me immensely. I’d have thought he’d be much more put out by my agreeing to date someone else. Mind, I’ve known Oscar for quite some time, almost as long as I’ve known you.”

“I bet he still returned to his room, cried in his pillow.” Anthony grinned.

“Oh, do stop, you fiend.” Ezra chided in what Anthony still thought of as a loving tone. It might have been. “How’s school, are you still sneaking your horticulture class?”

And so it went, the topics into safer territory while Anthony cooked and ate his food if that’s what he could call it.

**2009**

AJ blinked his eyes open, his mouth a little funny feeling, and the world around him was fuzzy. The steady beat near his head reminded him that he was in the hospital, which would also explain while he felt gutted. Well, not gutted, just missing a bit of internal organ, likely had a nice, long incision on his abdomen.

He took a deep breath through his nose, then a rustling got his attention.

If the heart monitor went a bit wonky, it was because the machine was faulty, not because he laid his eyes upon Ezra Fell for the first time in literal years.

AJ smiled. “Hi,” He said groggily.

“Hello,” Ezra grinned back. “You’ve grown out your hair.”

“You’d have known that if you got Facebook.”

“Never.” Ezra smiled wider, a warm fondness AJ missed terribly directed right at him. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore,” AJ replied. “But… good. I think I feel good.”

“I met your father, your proper father, while you were still asleep. He remembered me from all those years ago, which surprised me.”

“You’re hard to forget.” AJ retorted without thinking, but only partly regretting it. “How’s Oscar?”

“Well, thank you. He’s around, actually. I’m not sure if you remember his friend, Violet, but she’s doing her residency here. He popped down to say hello, grab a tea with her since we were here.”

“Can’t believe you actually showed up,” AJ replied, attempting to sit up. Ezra immediately went to help him, wince in sympathy along with him. 

“How could I not?” Ezra asked. “James certainly won’t be around to see, and you went through a major surgery to help your brother who you don’t even know. Least I could do was be there for you. You’re still my best friend, after all.”

Hearing it was like a balm, and it soothed AJ immensely. 

He was glad, on one hand, that Ezra had moved on. Not happy by any means, he didn’t think he could ever truly be happy for him being with someone else. But AJ still feared that he would move on from him in every way. If he gripped Ezra’s helping hand a little tighter than needed, it was only because he was glad it was still there at all.

“Did he ramble about ducks this time?” Oscar asked as he came into the room with a bunch of balloons, and AJ was happy enough to see him.

“Never live that down, will I?” AJ asked as Ezra let go of him.

“Never,” Oscar said as he sat on the foot of the bed, setting the balloons down beside him. “How are you handling it? This whole other family bit?”

“It’s weird,” AJ confessed as Ezra handed him a cup of water. He took a slow sip, giving Ezra a grin in thanks. “Mum hasn’t been around at all like she’s pissed that I did it. She’s telling dad - James - whatever, that I needed something else removed, like my gallbladder. That way he’s not too pissed when he needs to foot my bill for a few weeks while I recover.”

“You’re still… associating with him, then,” Ezra asked, and AJ glanced at him nervously. 

“Mum wants me to.” He said honestly. “Mostly, I think, because of the trust. She contributed enough to it that she feels I owe her to see it through, wait until I get it, then cut ties with him.”

Ezra nodded slowly, his slight smile never reaching his eyes. 

“How’s Liza?” AJ asked. “She get the job?”

“Yes!” Ezra lit up, sitting back down in the chair beside the bed. “She’ll start as soon as she graduates. Mum’s actually with her now, helping her find a flat in Tadfield.”

“I’m glad. Gonna miss running into her in pubs and clubs and whatnot.” AJ said with a sad grin. 

“She said you got her out of a few spots here and there.” Ezra noted, “which I thank you for.”

AJ shrugged, “she helped me, too.”

There was a knock, and AJ looked around Oscar to see Tony in the doorway. “I hate to cut this all short, but visiting hours are going to be wrapping up soon.”

“Oh,” Ezra said mournfully. “Well, I suppose it is getting to be that time. I have to get back to Oxford, too, unfortunately.”

AJ’s heart sank, but he nodded in understanding. Ezra’s hands took one of his, and held it firm, getting his attention. 

“It was so lovely seeing you again, my dear. Let’s try not to wait so long in between next time. I may not recognize you.”

AJ smirked, nostrils flaring. “Will do, angel.”

There was an urge, like muscle memory, to tilt his head up for a kiss. And it moved, a fraction, but he stopped. And perhaps without realizing it, Ezra had leaned in just a bit. He hesitated a moment, then pressed his forehead to AJ’s for a second.

“Take care, Anthony,” Oscar said, giving his leg a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t be a stranger,” AJ replied, watching them leave the room.

Ezra stopped in the doorway and looked at Tony. “Please take care of him.” He said softly.

“Will do,” Tony replied.

Ezra looked at AJ one last time over his shoulder with a grin and a little wave, then left.

~A~

Ezra couldn’t help but think seeing Anthony was an awful idea. Not because he regretted it, but because Ezra found himself feeling everything he had buried and locked away seeping out into his soul.

Anthony was beautiful, not that Ezra had forgotten, but seeing him in the flesh, not through photos or his memories, only proved that those had paled in comparison. Doubly so with that ginger hair spread over the hospital bed pillow. Seeing that smile, in all its forms, those uniquely lovely eyes, everything, had ruined Ezra just a little.

It was also an awful idea because the man he was sitting snuggly next to wasn’t the one he wanted to be. And Ezra was positively wracked with guilt as Oscar’s thumb caressed his where their fingers were entwined. 

“You still love him,” Oscar said as they drew closer to the Oxford station.

“I do,” Ezra replied because he and Oscar strived to always be open and honest with one another.

“Do you think you could love me like that?” Oscar asked, more curious than upset.

Ezra thought about it and decided that maybe a little lie would be better in this instance. “Maybe I could, one day.”

**2010**

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out. You and Oscar.” AJ said though he didn’t really mean it. At the same time, he sort of did. Ezra had dated the bloke for a bit over two years, and he thought they’d gotten on rather well, much to AJ’s dismay.

“It’s alright, my dear,” Ezra replied with a sigh. “Probably for the best, anyway. I’ve no idea what I’m going to do next year, where I’ll be. Probably for the best that I simply figure myself out, not worry about attachments.” AJ quirked his lips at the little rant and sprawled out on his couch while holding the phone to his ear.

“How’s Oscar taking it?” He asked curiously.

“Well, we parted very amicably. We just realized that maybe we weren’t the right fit for each other. He did say he was happy we at least gave it a shot because he hated the never knowing.”

AJ hummed in agreement, though he sort of hated the knowing and not getting to have more. 

“James found out about the horticulture course.” He said, and Ezra scoffed.

“It only took him how long?” He mused.

“Well, he sort of wondered why I wasn’t on the list for interns. There were words, angel, but he at least listened. Decided as long as I graduate by next year, which I’m on track to do, he’ll keep paying my tuition.”

“There’s that, then.” Ezra conceded. 

“Yeah,” AJ agreed. He swallowed. “I started seeing a girl, though I’m playing the beard, to be honest.”

“Oh?” Ezra asked, sounding vaguely interested.

“Yeah, she’s a classmate. Parents are like mine. Or, like James. Started asking why she wasn’t seeing anyone. I offered.”

“That was very kind of you.”

“Shut up,” AJ grumbled. “She’s nice is all. Someone to hang out with now and again that isn’t Bea.”

“Driving them made, are you?” Ezra teased.

“More the other way around.” And then because he had to say it, he whispered. “I miss you.”

There was a long pause on the other end. “I miss you, too. So very much.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to suggest risking it, keeping their relationship very quiet, but AJ stopped himself. Ezra wasn’t done with school. 

AJ wasn’t done. He already had a taste of what going it alone without James Crowley’s support was like, and he feared having to jump into adulthood without a soft place to land. And he wasn’t sure Ezra would ever forgive him if, instead of cutting AJ off, James went after Ezra again instead.

“Angel,” he said softly. “I’m….”

“Me too,” Ezra said. “So I’ll say goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Anthony said as he hung up, letting the phone fall to his chest over the spot that ached terribly.

**2011**

“AJ,” His professor got his attention, and he went to the man, straightening the bag on his shoulder. “Got a question for you. That girl you were with last year, you still seeing her?”

“No, sir,” AJ frowned, wondering why his Horticulture professor was asking such an oddly personal question.

His professor nodded. “I don’t normally do this, play favorites, but you’ve been an exceptional student over the last couple years. I’ve seen what you can do, and while it’s not a glamorous position, I know of an opportunity that would open a lot of doors for you in the future. Great pay, rent’s covered, though it is a bit isolated.”

AJ chewed his lip. “Alright, I’m listening.”

~*~  
  


He tapped his foot nervously and kept his head down while he waited. AJ checked the time, then checked it again, seeing he still technically had at least ten minutes to wait. But he was impatient for so many reasons and terrified, and all sorts of things he couldn’t sort through so that when the bell over the door chimed and Ezra walked in the pub he almost bolted.

Almost.

Ezra glanced around and then spotted him, making his way through the crowd to the table AJ snagged.

“Hello,” Ezra greeted, eyes taking in AJ. 

“Hi,” He said, his knee still bouncing. “Thanks for coming by.”

“You called, you said you wanted to talk in person. Of course, I would come.” Ezra assured him as he took a seat on the high stool across from AJ. 

They flagged down a waiter, got Ezra a glass of house red, and waited until it was brought over. AJ still didn’t know how to start.

“Anthony,” Ezra said gently. “You look about ready to crawl out your skin. What is going on?”

AJ took a long drink from his pint. “My professor might have a job for me.”

“Oh?” Ezra asked. “Well… correct me if I’m wrong, but… business students do tend to take an internship at first, do they not?”

“No, my horticulture professor. He… he has a job for me if I want it. Or, at least one I could go for. I’d… he’d be my main reference, the nursery I started working at could be, too, but his would carry more weight.”

“Alright,” Ezra said carefully.

“It’s… on a private estate. They want someone unattached because it’s pretty isolated and I guess the security is pretty tight, so coming and going everyday….”

“You can’t have someone live with you who would work off the estate… and getting away from the estate to see anyone would be difficult,” Ezra said carefully. He nodded. “Alright. So, I take it your considering-"

“My interview is tomorrow,” AJ confessed. 

“Right,” Ezra said in a clipped tone, and then took a sip of his drink. “It’s something you want, then?”

AJ gave a strangled laugh. “Yes? I mean… a couple years there-”

“A couple _years_?” Ezra cut in.

“I wouldn’t need James.” Anthony rushed to say. “A couple years… my prof may have told me the figures. He had a friend who worked for the estate, and… Ezra, I wouldn’t need the money James has been dangling over my head. Two, three years tops.”

Ezra shook his head, rubbed at his face, looked around the pub. “It’s already been five.” He stated. “We were supposed to be… it’s been five years.”

“You think I don’t know that?” AJ snapped. “You think I haven’t been counting the days-”

“You’ve been busy enough, I’m sure, to not have-”

“And what about Oscar, Ezra, huh? You lament about it being ‘five years’ and yet two of those-”

“Did you ever wonder _why_ it never worked out with him?” Ezra hissed. “Because I’m still too bloody in love with you, and he knew it. And I knew it.”

“So what? All my relationships ended for some other reason!” AJ countered.

“Relationships? Is that what you’re calling them? Bea very well could, I suppose.”

“Bea was nothing, and you know it.”

“You’ve been with them longer than you were with me, off and on. So, yes, they may not be someone you have feelings for, but the two of you have an understanding, which one might call a relationship.”

“Alright, fine. Yeah, for comparison’s sake, we’ll call Bea my partner or something, that doesn’t mean shit. I never had feelings for them, they never had feelings for me. You and Oscar-”

“Well, it would be a lie to say I didn’t love him because on some level I do. Of course, I do, he’s been my friend nearly as long as you have.”

“Suppose that means you love Gabriel, too.”

“I suppose that means I do, on some level, yes!” Ezra took a breath. “And I’m sure you love Bea. Because you’re friends.”

“I never told Bea I love them.” AJ countered. “But I know you said it to Oscar.”

“Yes, I have. I won’t deny it, there’s no point to it. What I don’t understand is what any of this has to do with-”

“This is the key to my freedom, Ezra.” Anthony cut in, jabbing the table with his finger. “Do you really think James isn’t going to find a way to take it all back the second he finds out….”

“Finds out what?” Ezra asked.

“Doesn’t matter.” AJ shook his head. “Suppose I just called you out here for nothing, if another couple years is so insurmountable to you.”

“ _Don’t._ ” Ezra’s eyes turned icy in a way AJ hadn’t seen directed at him. “Don’t you _dare_ make this about my _unwillingness_ to put my life on hold another two or three years.”

“It’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?” Anthony snapped back. 

“No!” Ezra growled. “I’m saying that these last _five years_ were already terribly uncertain. Never knowing if at any time you might meet someone, or… or I might meet someone. I….” The fight seemed to drain from him. “Mum… hasn’t been feeling well. Eliza and I are terrified it’s something more than the nothing she’s making it out to be. We’ve only just convinced her to go see her doctor. The school I’ve been doing my placement at will have an opening, at least for next year but possibly longer.” He looked at his wine glass. “The job is mine if I want it. I have another week or so to accept it, otherwise, it will go into the hiring process, and I would have to apply like everyone else. The only reason I hadn’t taken it right away was because I wasn’t sure if… if maybe I should be looking for work in London.”

AJ closed his eyes. “You were waiting for me.”

“Foolish as that seems to be, yes. When Oscar and I… we tried. After seeing you in the hospital, we drifted apart. He met someone. When I say we parted amicably, I mean he met someone, and I didn’t hold him any ill will.”

“You mean he cheated on you,” AJ scowled. 

“I mean he didn’t, but I’m sure he was tempted to enough, considering how emotionally unfaithful I’d been.”

“Angel,” AJ started, not sure in the least how he was intending to say.

Ezra reached across the table and put his hand on Anthony’s.

“I can’t fault you for wanting this.” He said. “And you are right in that this is the key to your freedom, without the man who raised you always threatening something of yours. You’ll get to have your dream, and I’m sure it’s going to be wonderful. And I will be there for you as best I can.” He looked away, “But I can’t promise to still be waiting.”

AJ blinked. “You’re saying….”

“I’m saying it’s over,” Ezra said simply. “Not that we really even had anything to _be_ over. But… my waiting. It’s over.” He picked up his wine glass and finished it before taking a few pounds out of his wallet and setting them on the table. “I wish you good luck in your interview tomorrow. Let me know how it goes.” He said, hesitating as he slid off the stool. He then turned to AJ and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek. 

Before he could get away, AJ darted out his arm, snagging an arm around Ezra’s waist and bringing him back. AJ crushed his lips to Ezra’s, figuring if this was his last chance to do it, he may as well. If James had someone watching him, it wouldn’t matter, school was done at this point anyway. Ezra wouldn’t be a target for James at this point, and if the interview went pear-shaped, AJ knew then and there he wouldn’t step foot in a building James Crowley had any power in for anything. He’d work in nurseries and cafes for the rest of his life if that’s what it took.

He was just thankful Ezra kissed back, that he cradled AJ’s face in his hands like the ginger man was made of glass.

And then he was gone, turned out of AJ’s reach and darting out the door.

Which was a good thing, really, because he had a life to get on with and AJ wanted him to have everything he wanted to.

And with stunning clarity, alone in a crowded pub, he realized for the first time in nearly five years, he wanted Ezra to have everything he wanted even if it wasn’t AJ.

~A~

Ezra was still battling with himself a few weeks later. He’d accepted the job at the school in his hometown, and managed to secure a flat not terribly far from it that he’d be able to move into at the end of the month. Everything was as it should be, the only problem was Anthony wasn’t with him. Oh, he knew deep down that if everything had gone how he hoped, and after Anthony’s twenty-fifth birthday they would resume their relationship, that they would likely still be living apart. At least for a while. He’d thought Anthony might want to start a shop in London first, live and work there, and they could see each other on weekends. Teaching jobs in London were far harder to come by, but Ezra would have looked, and continued to until they could be together.

And two years wasn’t that long, he could have held on.

But then he knew that two could turn to five or more. That there was no way to know for sure that Anthony would be happy with what he had and leave the estate when he felt he was in a position to do so. And, of course, there was no way to know for sure that Anthony wouldn’t meet someone in those two years. Maybe, someone, he would want to stay there for. 

And that’s what held Ezra fast to his choice, that had him packing boxes in his free time, and excitedly dreaming up lesson plans to fit the mandated curriculum.

It’s what made him meet up with Gabriel Haven for drinks in Oxford a week after he’d heard from Anthony that he did, indeed, get the job.

It’s why when Gabriel said, “I’d really like to take you to dinner sometime. Maybe we could see a museum? Take in some art? You know way more about that stuff than I do.”

Ezra smiled and said, “I’d be delighted.”

**2012**

“I’m going to murder the kid,” Crowley told Ezra over the phone and was pleased to hear the man giggle. “I’m not normally up for killing kids, but this one is a demon. No, he’s the devil.”

“He’s, what? Five or six?” Ezra asked with a smile to his voice.

“Something like that. He’s got no real sort of anything. They got back from the states, and he just… Harriet had to make it a rule, angel, a bloody _rule_ that he’s not allowed anywhere outside the designated play zone, and anyone who lets him will be fired.”

“Well, at least someone understands the value of what you do,” Ezra replied. “The pictures you sent were absolutely lovely.”

“Surprised you knew how to get them,” Crowley smirked, sandwiching the phone between his shoulder and his head as he went about making a cup of tea.

“Well, Eliza insisted I upgrade my mobile. I will admit that I was a bit skeptical, but getting to see the work you’re doing is worth it alone.” Ezra replied.

“Eliza insisted? I’m surprised it wasn’t Gabriel.”

And Crowley was damn proud of himself for sounding so utterly neutral. 

When Ezra told him he and Gabriel were going to start seeing each other, it killed him. Crowley remembered meeting the man for the first time the first and only year together in Oxford. Gabriel had gone right up to Ezra and introduced himself, flirting from the onset, and only backing down a little upon Crowley’s introduction. He also knew Gabriel had pursued Ezra over the years since they’d split up, though Ezra had always turned him down politely and managed to maintain a friendship with him. Crowley had supposed it was only inevitable after Ezra said it was over that he would move on. 

The fact that it had been something like eight months and Ezra was still seeing Gabriel burned him.

But Crowley just had to look at his bank account to know he made the right decision. Food wasn’t all that much more expensive out here than it was in London, all his utilities were covered, his rent. He didn’t have a life on weekends except sleeping, watching movies, and talking to either Bea or Ezra, and when he _did_ go out it was to the pub called _Old Patrick’s_ in the nearby village where he couldn’t exactly get plastered. 

He could be free. Hell, he _was_ free. James certainly didn’t sign over the money he kept promising. Crowley hadn’t expected he would, not after he’d told him he got a job as someone’s gardener. So he was on his own, making his way, and didn’t need a dime from the man who raised him no matter how vehemently his mother insisted he try.

He loved Ezra, Crowley was pretty sure he always would, but the taste of being truly out from James’ thumb in every way was far too sweet for him to regret.

Even if it meant asking about Ezra’s obnoxious American boyfriend from time to time.

“I suppose he had voiced his opinion on the matter, but Eliza was the one who convinced me.” He said in a sketchy sort of way that had Crowley frowning.

“What’d she do?” He asked.

There was a bit of a pause before Ezra said, “She snapped my flip one in half and said ‘oops’.”

Crowley tossed his head back and laughed, giving great guffaws that eventually had Ezra giggling as well. 

He only stopped because of a knock on the cottage door.

He groaned. “Why is someone knocking?” He grumbled as he went to answer it.

“Gardening emergency?” Ezra half teased as Crowley opened the door.

“Harriet?” He asked when he saw the petite woman on his doorstep. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” she said. “Just… I saw the light on, figured maybe you’d want some company.”

Crowley could have sent her away, told her he was fine. He probably should have, really. She was technically his boss, what with how often he’d actually seen Thaddeus Dowling around the estate.

“Angel?” Crowley started.

“Go on, my dear. I should be focusing more on my marking anyway.” Ezra said.

Crowley hung up, then stepped aside to let Harriet in. “Want some tea?”

~A~

Anthony laughed. He guffawed. He was losing his damn mind. And the whole time, while Ezra tried his very best to be indignant, he knew it was for not. The whole situation was terribly, horribly, funny.

Even if it really shouldn’t have been.

He was in Gabriel’s living room in his London flat, the man in question very much passed out in his bed down the hall, and completely unaware of his partner gossiping to his best friend and former lover. 

“Are you _sure_ he wasn’t a virgin?” Anthony asked when he managed to get himself under control.

Ezra, ever worried about getting caught, glanced at the hallway despite the snores coming down the hallway.

“Frankly? No. At least when it comes to being with a man. Which is oddly bizarre because I know he’d dated men before me. I was sure he’d been intimate with others. Just… well it was all terribly brief.”

“You are pretty spectacular.” Anthony half-teased.

“Oh, for- no one is that amazing,” Ezra replied. 

“You are, apparently.” Anthony retorted. “I just can’t believe after a year of waiting he left you wanting.”

Ezra rolled his eyes. “You know perfectly well that doesn’t make a difference to me.”

“Did I ever leave you hanging?” Anthony questioned, his voice dripping with suppressed giggles.

“You know the answer to that, you fiend,” Ezra said with a bitterness he didn’t mean.

“And did Oscar?”

Ezra knew the point Anthony was making but didn’t want to get there, “Gabriel… oh sod it all, the man fell asleep within a couple minutes, I can’t even say he cared to make the attempt. But that doesn’t mean he won’t in the future.” He said with a definitive nod he was not at all confident in, but no one was there and awake to see it. “What were you doing up, anyway? Hardly like you to miss out on sleep. Especially on a Friday”

“Ah, Harriet left not long before you texted,” Anthony replied, and Ezra’s whole body went numb.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want Anthony to meet people. He’d be very hypocritical if he expected Anthony to remain alone while he was working away from all his friends and family. But there was something unsettling in his friendship with Harriet Dowling. 

She sounded pleasant enough from what Anthony had told him. She was their age, but would have been a year behind them in school had she been a local. She was smart and feisty when she wanted to be. The picture Anthony had sent of her helping him weed a few weeks back showed her to be quite lovely. But there was something about the stories Anthony told him, about the way he spoke about her that had Ezra uneasy.

“She left your cottage near midnight?” He asked carefully.

“Ah, yeah, we lost track of time. Movies and gossip, just… yeah.”

“And her husband doesn’t mind?”

“Probably would if he was here, but if he was here she wouldn’t be bored enough to slum it with the help. Well, she might, and has, but usually not this late.”

“Just…be careful,” Ezra said. “I’d hate for you to get into a spot of trouble.”

“I’m fine, angel. If either of us is in trouble, it’s you.” He went back to teasing, and Ezra let him.

**2013**   
  


“What?” He asked Eliza after she kept staring at him from the corner of her eye. 

“Who are you texting?” She asked as they sat in the hospital waiting room, their mother off getting tests done.

“Anthony.” He replied. “I’d seen his father when I went down to get tea, reminded me I hadn’t heard from him in a couple days.”

Eliza hummed and nodded, tapping her foot against nothing. “You know it’s odd that we cut our trip short because of mum, have been back for a few days, and the person you’re texting is Anthony, your ex, and not Gabriel, your current boyfriend.” She pointed out.

“Anthony may be my former flame, but he’s still my best friend.” Ezra countered.

“And you still love him,” Eliza added casually.

Ezra nodded unthinkingly, “And I still- wait, hold on.” He said, looking at her and seeing Eliza not even try to hide the smirk. “You… bad sister.”

She chuckled. “Does Gabriel know? Of course, he doesn’t, he doesn’t even know your back from Greece. Why would he know anything?”

“I will let him know as soon as we know what’s going on with mum,” Ezra said though he knew they both knew what was going on. 

“That you’re in love with another man and always have been?” Eliza quirked an eyebrow.

Ezra scowled. “That I’m home.” He retorted. “It’s a good idea to get some distance from him anyway.”

“Why even date him in the first place?” Eliza asked, crossing her arms.

“I was lonely,” Ezra replied. “And bitter. And Gabriel was my friend and had been for a long time.”

“But why are you still with him?” She asked, more sympathetic this time.

Ezra gave her a sad smile. “Because I would go back to being lonely.”

“Anthony’s moved on, has he?” She asked.

“He hasn’t said.” He replied quietly. “And before we left for the isles there was a night… he called me in a wreck, but he wouldn’t say why. He sounded half-drunk, and I just…. I have a feeling he’s getting involved with someone he shouldn’t. I know he’s fond of her, and maybe even fond enough to stay there longer.”

“Well, if he does, he’s an idiot,” Eliza said firmly. “But given it’s Anthony, idiot is pretty much a given.”

Ezra chuckled. “He has his moments, but don’t we all?” He said with a meaningful look.

Eliza rolled her eyes. “Alright, but how was I supposed to know-” She began before their mother came into the room, silencing her.

Cynthia gave them a bit of a sad smile. “I’m afraid it’s not good news.”

~C~

He watched Harriet walk back up to the house feeling dirty.

It had been coming on, he knew. Part of him had been screaming at him, wondering what the hell he was doing, the other just wanted to get lost in someone for a while. And Harriet happened to be that someone. Thad had been gone again, she was bitter because he was already expected to be gone most of the year next year, and she had to stay where she was so TJ could have a parent in the country should something happen at school. 

Crowley was upset, Gabriel having gotten his number somehow, and texted him while Ezra was away with his mum and sister. He was going to ask Ezra to marry him, it had been a couple of years, after all. He had wanted to ask Crowley’s opinion on the restaurant, the ring, the flowers. They were still best friends, after all. Crowley could help.

And Ezra had texted Crowley that he was back early, but it was because there was something wrong with Cynthia. Likely the cancer was back, and it killed Crowley that he wasn’t the one who was going to be there, holding Ezra, loving him, assuring him, and supporting him as it was likely going to be a battle Cynthia wasn’t going to win.

So despite there being not enough wine to justify their actions when Harriet brought Crowley to his bed, he went willingly. 

~A~

It had been a rough couple of months. 

As if his mum’s cancer coming back hadn’t been hard enough, Ezra was informed as he returned to school that there were to be budget cuts, and unfortunately as one of the newest members of the staff, he would no longer have a job by the end of the school year. Anthony had been a bit out of sorts lately, though was still there to listen when Ezra needed him. But every time Ezra had asked about him, Anthony would change the subject.

It was all a bit stressful, so it was with great pleasure that he joined Gabriel in the city one Friday evening for dinner in a fabulous restaurant where the food was exquisite, and the atmosphere rich and wonderful.

“I can’t thank you enough, Gabriel. Truly, I needed this.” Ezra said as he dabbed his mouth with a cloth napkin. “With everything going on, I was in need of a distraction, and this fit the bill perfectly.”

Gabriel beamed warmly back at him from across the table, “anything for you, sunshine, you know that.”

“I’m beginning to see that might be the case.” Ezra teased, smiling up at the waiter as he came by with their desserts before heading over to the next table with theirs. “I just hope Anthony will open up about what’s happening with him soon,” Ezra said as he picked up his fork. “We tend to argue when we don’t speak our minds, go without talking for a few days. It’s a nightmare.” He said before digging into his chocolate cake.

Gabriel didn’t touch his mousse, merely tucked his hands under his chin, and smiled. “I can only imagine.” He said as Ezra put the first bite in his mouth.

Ezra closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the perfection. “Dear lord, I must tell Eliza about this place. Maybe the bloke she refuses to tell me about that she’s been seeing could take her here.”

“She won’t tell you about a bloke she’s seeing? That can’t be good.” Gabriel said, his voice doing something funny.

Ezra frowned. “Well, it’s hardly out of character,” he replied as he began to sink his fork into his cake again. “She tends to be-” he stopped and frowned as his fork came down against something in the cake. He moved it around, noting the glimmer of gold in the pastry.

Ezra’s eyes widened, and he immediately looked over to the other couple the waiter had been serving, seeing the lady had the same type of cake he had, and the gentleman was watching her nervously. 

“Oh, oh my.” He said, looking back and forth between the couple and his cake in a panic.

“Ezra,” Gabriel said. 

He looked at Gabriel with wide eyes. “I think there’s been a terrible mix-up,” Ezra fretted. “There appears to be a ring in my cake.”

Gabriel smiled, “I know.”

Ezra blinked. “Beg pardon.”

Gabriel snapped his fingers, and somewhere in the restaurant, a band began to play some sort of song as Gabriel slid off the chair and got down on one knee.

He took Ezra’s hand in one of his, then plucked the cake coated jewelry out of the dessert with the other.

“Ezra Fell, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” He boomed with a grin, the whole place seemingly going silent except for that mysterious band.

Ezra’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped as he began to smile.

“Absolutely not!” He replied, much to Gabriel’s confusion, which helped Ezra’s instinct to laugh it off come into full force. “Are you bloody insane!?”

Gabriel looked baffled. “We’ve… we’ve been together for over two years.” He said.

“Has it been that long? Really?” Ezra replied frowning for a moment, before shaking his head and chuckling softly. “No. The answer is unequivocally no.”

“But you love me. I love you and you love me.” Gabriel said with what might have been heartbreaking confusion if it came from a small child, or if Gabriel had drunk an entire bottle of wine to himself.

“I really don’t want to discuss the finer details of my answer here, in a public setting, with people watching.” He said as he noticed Gabriel still holding his hand. Ezra pulled it away. 

“Sunshine, please,” Gabriel said, getting up as Ezra stood, holding the chocolate smeared ring out toward him.

Ezra looked at it, then at Gabriel, and huffed as his shoulders drooped. “I am sorry. It seems like you have gone through a lot of effort to set this up. I only wish it was for a more grateful and willing recipient.” 

He turned away, stopping when he realized so many people were watching him. Blushing so deeply he felt sweat prickle on his brow, Ezra hurried from the restaurant, apologizing to the maitre de on the way out as if he had somehow been a part of the whole thing, and leaving a very generous tip for him to pass on to the waiter for what he’d done.

He wandered the streets awhile, weaving his way toward the train station when he finally collapsed on a bench just a street away, not entirely sure he believed what was happening to him.

Did that actually happen? Was that a thing that occurred to him in reality?

He could call Oscar, who had never really been fond of the idea of Ezra’s seeing Gabriel.

He could call Eliza but wasn’t prepared for her laughing at him at the moment. That could come later.

He could call his mum, but he didn’t want to bother her in case she was resting.

He did call Anthony, and as much as he didn’t want to admit it, it was who he would have called first regardless of all the excuses he’d come up with to not call anyone else.

The phone rang a few times before Anthony’s, “yeah,” came through sounding upset.

“Oh dear,” Ezra said, sitting up a bit more. “You sound like you’ve had a horrible night.”

“I’ve had better,” Anthony replied. “So, tell me all about it.”

It took a moment for Anthony’s words to sink in, but when they did they had Ezra on his feet. “You knew!” 

“Of course I knew,” Anthony replied with what might have been a scoff. 

“Then why didn’t you talk him out of it?” Ezra half-demanded. “You could have saved both of us the humiliation of such a public rejection.”

“Wait… what?” Anthony asked, sounding confused. “What are you on about?”

“You… you mean you didn’t know about Gabriel’s proposal?” Ezra asked, sinking back down on the bench again.

“No, I did. What, you mean you didn’t say yes?” Anthony asked in return.

“Of course I didn’t say yes!” Ezra replied indignantly. “Why on Earth-”

“Well, you’ve been with the wanker for two years.”

“Well, I hadn’t realized!” Ezra said plaintively. “It’s hardly like we saw each other often, once a week, I suppose. And then I was away with mum for a while, and I just….”

“You mean to tell me you’d been dating someone for two years, and didn’t know?”

“Well I knew, I just didn’t … know,” Ezra said, feeling increasingly more stupid as he spoke. “I didn’t think it was serious. I just thought we were getting together on occasion.”

“Right, and you do casual sex now, do you?” 

“Well, it was… monogamous. On my end, anyway. Just… infrequent.”

He could almost hear the smirk in Anthony’s voice when he asked, “Infrequent? I mean, sure, yes, it took us some time to get there. But when we _did_.”

“You were different. And Oscar was different.” Ezra defended weakly. “And it seems I used a friend terribly.”

“No, angel,” Anthony said solemnly. “I think I was the one who used a friend terribly. Or was used by a friend, I suppose. Hard to tell who did the leading anymore.”

Ezra frowned, wondering for just a brief second before immediately understanding. “Anthony,” He said, sympathetic and chiding.

“I know. I’m awful.”

“No,” Ezra said, glancing at the train station. “No you aren’t awful, you made a mistake.”

“A few, actually,” Anthony replied.

“My dear,” Ezra said as he stood up, checking for traffic before crossing the street. “Might I give you a ring back in about an hour? I’m still in London, and this sounds like a conversation to have in a more suitable venue.”

“Alright, angel,” Anthony replied. “Feel like I need to shower anyway.”

“We’ll talk soon,” Ezra replied, hanging up and checking something he had saved from messages past.

~C~  
  


It was a little less than an hour later when Ezra’s name popped up on his caller ID.

“Was beginning to think you weren’t going to ring back,” Crowley confessed as he finished braiding his hair.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Ezra said with a hint of mischief to his voice. “See, I decided I could use a drink. There’s this lovely little tavern by the name of _Old Patrick’s_ ,” He said, and Crowley damn near dropped the phone. “They have an inn attached, did you know that?”

“You’re in the village,” Crowley said in wonder, already moving to get on his shoes and snatch his jacket. “How are you- how?”

“I have your post office box address saved from your birthday. Wasn’t hard to guess the village it was in was near the estate.”

“You, stay. I’m on my way.” Crowley replied, snatching his keys and taking off across the estate grounds to the staff parking.

~*~  
  


He made the thirty-minute drive in fifteen and tore into the pub so abruptly that people near the entrance startled. He didn’t have his contacts, which probably meant he was a touch more unsettling to those around him, but he didn’t properly care. He spotted Ezra in the back of the pub and moved to him as quickly as the crowd allowed.

It was the first time he’d seen him, properly seen him in the flesh, for over two years.

Ezra spotted him and smiled, giving a little wave and hopping off his chair. Smart move, that, because the second Crowley was within arm’s reach, he had them wrapped around Ezra and holding fast. They rocked back and forth, both seeming to try to squeeze the other one harder until they both gave up, and parted only enough to look at each other.

“I slept with her,” Crowley admitted, careful not to say the name lest someone nearby hear, and knowing Ezra would know exactly who he meant. “A few times. But tonight… tonight was… and I quit. After, I quit. I gave my, well, my six-month notice.”

“You… why?” Ezra asked.

Crowley shook his head. “It wasn’t going to end well, was it? She was lonely, I was lonely. She’s… and it’s not like she was going to leave, and I didn’t want her to, anyway. And we just… we were careful, before. Careful not to be seen or found out. But tonight we didn’t… not in my cottage but somewhere really stupid. And we weren’t caught, not that I know of, but I had to end it.”

“And you had to quit for that? Did she make you?” Ezra asked, and Crowley soothed him before he could get riled up.

“No, no, nothing like that.” He assured, steering them to sit at the table together. He took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I’m… set. Angel, I’m set. I could go now, go somewhere and buy a cheap spot, set up shop. I’ve got enough good standing I could probably get a loan for the rest. I wanted to work longer, I won’t lie. Not because I didn’t want to leave, but because if I’d just kept on another year, I’d have had a nice nest to fall back on should things not go as planned. But the fact is, much as I wanna say that when I said tonight was the last time it would be, I know better. We’ve done this song and dance already, she and I. It just didn’t get this far before. It didn’t get… naked.”

Ezra snorted. “Well, I suppose there’s that, then.” He said easily. 

Crowley smirked for a moment. “What about you? Gabriel and proposing.”

“He called me while I was on the train,” Ezra said, looking at the table, at the drink he’d ordered and probably hadn’t touched. “Asked me to go back to his place, to talk things out. He apologized because he genuinely thought I would like something like that, the big grand gesture, and so forth. Asked me to give him a chance to try harder, to make me _want_ to marry him. That he loves me, and he really wants to do better.”

“And will you?” Crowley asked, not sure if he wanted an answer. “Give him a chance? To try?”

Ezra looked at him in defeat. “I was on the train,” He said, “But I hadn’t even left London. I could have hopped off the next station, caught a cab or a bus to his place, and talked it out with him. Instead, I’m here, in the middle of nowhere, talking to you about how you… fraternized with someone you shouldn’t have. What do you think I’m going to do?”

“If you were smart,” Crowley said slowly, “you’d get back on the train and go see him.”

“Yes, well, I’ve always been rather stupid when it comes to you, haven’t I?” He asked with a self-deprecating smile. 

“Not nearly as stupid as I’ve been about you,” Crowley replied with a manic grin.

“Let’s not make it a contest,” Ezra replied, and Crowley leaned back in his chair, deciding to agree. For now.

**2014**

“What do you mean you’re pregnant?” Crowley asked Harriet as she stood in his kitchen nervously.

“I mean I’m pregnant. About five or six months.” 

“Five or six- _how_? _How_ could you not tell me?” He asked, pulling on his ponytail.

“Because when I found out, it was back stateside, in a bathroom at my mum’s house. And then there were all these events, and things, and I just… I’m supposed to be in Japan right now. I’m supposed to be with my husband, but instead, I’m here in a cottage with you telling you I’m knocked up.”

Crowley looked around the kitchen for a moment before spotting the bottle of whiskey he’d left on the counter the night before when he and Ezra had a drink via video chat. Ezra had found a job in Tadfield, which was great as he could be near Eliza and help her out with her little one when it arrived in August. 

He let out a strangled laugh as he unscrewed the cap, swigging back a hit as he realized he beat Eliza to the parenthood punch and just hadn’t realized it.

“I thought you were on the pill.” He asked.

“I was.” Harried grumbled. “There was a recall on my brand, apparently.”

“Right,” Crowley said. “So, how are you going to explain another baby to Thad when he wasn’t around to have fathered it? Or, really, how are you going to explain how the baby happens to be ginger? Or might have my eyes, that’ll be fun!”

Harriet looked at him like he was stupid. “I’m not keeping it.” 

Crowley blinked. “You’re giving it up?”

“What do you want me to do, AJ? You just pointed out I can’t keep it. I don’t even want it, I barely wanted TJ.”

“And Thad’s going to let his wife put a baby up for adoption, is he? Doesn’t strike me as the sort who would risk the scandal.”

“He doesn’t know, and he’s not going to know.” Harriet rolled her eyes. “I already have a plan. I’m going to tell him I’m going to do some sort of charity work somewhere remote. He’ll eat it up. Spend the last couple months there, he’ll never know.”

Crowley shook his head, pulling on his ponytail again and trying to process it all. 

His whole hopes and dreams were right there within his grasp: a shop of his own, bought with the money he made on his own, no James involved. Ezra, because despite neither of them saying anything, there was a chance there now that things with Gabriel were decidedly over, and Crowley nearly finished with working on the estate.

He had been so damn close to having it all.

Crowley knew he could do what Tony did and say he wasn’t ready. That he was too young, and he wasn’t prepared for the responsibility of fatherhood, not on his own. But Tony had always pointed out that Erica was there, that Anthony had his mum even if he wasn’t raised by his proper dad. 

The baby wouldn’t have Harriet. And maybe the baby might be better off going to a set of well-established adults who wanted a child of their own. But Crowley wanted kids, he’d always wanted kids one day. He’d hoped they’d be with Ezra, but Crowley suspected this was the universe’s way of reminding him that any romance with the love of his life was doomed to never work. 

They might not be meant to be together, but Crowley felt in his soul that his child was meant to be with him.

“Give it to me.” He said. “I want them, the baby. Don’t give it up, give it to me.”

“AJ,” Harried started to argue, but he stopped her.

“I know. I know. But… I want them. Please.”

~A~

“It’s unexpected for you to come out here,” Ezra said as he greeted Anthony, pleased to see him in his flat for the first time even though it could also be the last. He still hadn’t found one in Tadfield, and while he was tempted to live with Eliza, she kept declining the offer. Ezra still had plenty of time to find a spot, of course, but he’d rather sooner than later.

“Yeah,” Anthony said with a nervous air as he stepped in, closing the door. “I wanted to tell you this in person. Seemed… fair.”

“This sounds… you’ve met someone, haven’t you?” Ezra asked as he wrung his hands, doing his best not to let his disappointment show. 

Nothing was ever said. He had hoped, of course, now that things seemed to be aligning for them that maybe they could try again. Maybe their previous five-year mark wasn’t enough time. But, well, that was looking less likely by the second, especially with how much Anthony seemed to be struggling.

“No,” he eventually said. “No, I haven’t met someone. But, Ezra… I don’t think you’re going to like what I have to say.”

Ezra stopped breathing for a moment. “Maybe we should sit down for this, then.” He said, turning to the couch and plopping down heavily. Anthony followed hunching over in the seat instead of languidly spreading himself out like he normally would.

“What is it?” Ezra asked as the silence dragged on. “Anything you have to say can’t be anything worse than what we’ve already said to each other in the past. So unless you’re here to tell me you’re dying.”

“Not dying,” Crowley said immediately. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

Anthony swallowed. “Harriet’s pregnant. Very. And… it’s mine.”

“Oh,” Ezra said. “Are you… alright? What’s… I…” He stuttered, not sure what to do or say. “Does this mean she’s leaving her husband?”

“No,” Anthony said immediately, shaking his head. “No, it’s nothing like that. She’s not keeping it. But I am. Keeping it. I’m going to… raise it.”

“Alright,” Ezra said, frowning. He took in his friend’s posture, the sadness in his eyes. “Anthony, forgive me, but I’m at a bit of a loss here. Why would I not like what you have to say? Am I not allowed to be a part of your life? Is there some sort of strange condition she’s set?”

Anthony met his eye. “No.” He said. “Nothing like that. It’s just… it’s a baby, Ezra.”

“Yes, I’ve gathered that much. They don’t spring forth fully grown, you know.”

Anthony gaped and glared at him. “Yes but, it’s my kid.”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to be a dad.”

“Repeating yourself doesn’t help articulate your point, dear,” Ezra smirked.

“Why are you not freaking out?” Anthony asked, his voice growing higher. “Why aren’t you ranting and raving and going on?”

“Why would I?” Ezra countered with a shrug. “It’s not like I didn’t know you had sex with her. It’s not like I didn’t know it could happen. And it’s hardly surprising that you would do the right thing.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean!?” Anthony asked, flinging his arms out to the side.

Ezra giggled. “My dear, it means you’re a little bit of a good person, despite your best efforts to appear otherwise.” Anthony deflated, mumbling something about a bastard, and Ezra was pretty sure he wasn’t referring to his future child. “Would you like to talk to Eliza? Maybe the two of you could go to classes together? Learn with each other for when your children arrive.”

“Sure Liza would love that,” Anthony smirked.

“Well, she’d put up with you, I’m sure.” Ezra smiled. “Have you found a place yet?”

“No. Was sort of derailed when I found out about the little one coming. Was looking at shops with flats above, but they’re not easy to come by. Mind, shop’s gonna have to be on hold for a bit. Still, tried looking for a one-room flat the last few days, not much luck.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Ezra commiserated. “My lease here will be up before the school year starts, and Eliza won’t allow me to live with her, even if it does mean live-in help for her.”

Anthony nodded slowly before his eyes brightened. “So… you wouldn’t mind living with a baby, then?”

Ezra frowned, about to retort a little scathingly when he cottoned on to what Anthony was saying. 

“Oh! No, I suppose I wouldn’t.”

~*~

“You know, I might have been wrong, but wasn’t the second bedroom meant to be yours?” Anthony asked as they laid sprawled out on Ezra’s bed in their new flat in Tadfield with nothing but the blankets for modesty.

“Well, you don’t have a bed,” Ezra replied casually. “Would be dreadfully rude of me not to share the bed with someone who cherishes sleep as much as you do.”

“Ah, right, yes of course.” Anthony nodded. “I couldn’t… buy one. That would be… psh.” 

“Precisely. You have baby furniture to worry about. A cot, a changing table, not to mention making sure to be well-stocked with nappies. No, a bed for yourself is the very last thing you need to worry about purchasing right now. No, I must insist, we share this one. It’s practical. And frugal.” He added in a chipper tone.

“Angel,” Anthony said, and Ezra turned to see him smile dreamily at him. “I love you, too.”

~C~

“Oh, we’re not a couple,” Crowley explained to the class as introductions were incorrectly made.

“No, not even close.” Eliza agreed wholeheartedly. “He’s living with my brother. They’re together.”

“But I _am_ going to be a father,” he clarified.

“Just not with me,” Eliza added emphatically.

“No, no idea who this one belongs to,” Crowley said, giving Eliza’s belly a pat, feeling his nephew kick at him. He’d gotten to feel his own child kick a few times in the days before he left the estate, so his heart didn’t ache too terribly at the feel of it.

“I _do_ know who the dad is, though, he’s just not in the picture,” Eliza said cheerfully, and Crowley couldn’t help but smile, too. Not only at the uncomfortable looks, everyone was giving them, but at the mental image of the glorious exasperation, Ezra would have when they told this story to him later.

Crowley and Eliza subtly gave each other a high five in solidarity and making this the most awkward prenatal class possible.

~*~

The knock on the hospital room door startled the nurse, who had only just informed Crowley that Harriet had snuck away while he was wandering the ward floor with his son. He smiled, though, at who was there in the doorway, smiling brightly.

“I’d have come sooner, but I was told it was only immediate family on the ward until just now,” Ezra said as he came into the room. He made a beeline for Crowley, but his eyes were only for the baby in the ginger’s arms. “Oh, Anthony, he’s beautiful.” He cooed.

“Do you want to hold him?” Anthony asked.

“Desperately,” Ezra said, already holding out his arms. 

It was a bit of relief, despite knowing that Ezra had wanted to be a part of the baby’s life. Yes, they were together, and probably had been since they decided to live together. Yes, it seemed a given that Ezra would likely be hands-on, a partner in this sense as well. But when Crowley transferred his son into Ezra’s arms, his heart imploded at the sight nonetheless.

Harriet had barely wanted to look at the baby.

Ezra seemed to hardly be able to look away.

“Oh, hello little one. Welcome to the world. I’m so very delighted to meet you. Your dad and I have been making sure everything is ready.”

The nurse smiled as she touched Crowley’s arm. “I’ll be back in a bit, see if there is any reason to keep you here. It sounds like you might just be ready to go home.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Crowley said, moving closer to Ezra. When the nurse left, he added, “I would love to get a shower since I’m pretty sure he already puked in my hair once.”

Ezra giggled. “I’m sure you’ll get used to keeping it up or at least out of the way in a while.” He said, glancing away from the baby for only a moment. “What’s his name?”

“I let Harriet name him.” He replied. “She asked if she could, and I didn’t see the trouble with it. Sorta regret it, though.”

“Why’s that?” Ezra asked.

“His name is Warlock.” 

Ezra blinked. “It’s… unique.”

“It’s odd is what it is,” Anthony replied. “But, she didn’t give him a middle name. So figured… Warlock sounds a little … evil-ish. He could probably use some angel in there.”

“Angel?”

“Yeah. Name him for an angel. Sorta. An angelic name.”

“Really? Gabriel will be thrilled, hearing you named your child after him.” Ezra smirked, and if he hadn’t been holding Warlock, Crowley might have smacked his arm. 

“Ezra,” Crowley stated. “Warlock Ezra Crowley.”

That got Ezra’s attention. He turned to Crowley, jaw dropped and eyes wide. “You… you didn’t have to.” He stammered. “I’m so… why?” He asked.

Crowley took a deep breath, hoping he wasn’t about to make a monumental mistake. “Deserves to have a name from both his dads, doesn’t he?”

Ezra stared, everything about his face and stance unreadable.

“Take him.” He said after a moment.

“Why?” Crowley asked, slowly starting to freak out.

“Because I’m about to start crying, and I don’t want to risk dropping him, so would you take Warlock, please?” He asked, his voice already starting to break as Crowley rushed to take the baby. 

Given that Warlock was asleep, and Ezra was clearly in a state Crowley couldn’t decipher, he put the baby in the hospital bassinet, then rushed to take his near sobbing partner in his arms.

Ezra hadn’t pushed him away, a good sign at least, so Crowley continued to hold him until Ezra seemed able to speak.

“Are you sure?” Ezra eventually asked. “Anthony, are you… are you sure? I mean, it’s… and you… we….”

“I love you.” He said as soothingly as possible. “I never stopped loving you. We’re together, finally fucking together, and we’re living together. I mean, I probably should have asked first, but-”

Ezra gripped his face in both hands and kissed him.

Crowley remembered kisses like these before, these sudden and passionate kisses where faces were clasped and breath was short. It always seemed like they tasted of goodbyes and regrets. Tears tended to leave their mark like that.

But this was different. Everything about this felt different, and it felt as though things were finally coming together the way they were meant to.

**2018**

“It’s sad, really, that you two have been together for four years, have a child, and you’re only now getting married.” Eliza taunted.

“Hey, come on,” her boyfriend Gavin chided gently. “They wanted to be sure.” He tried to offer support, but Ezra and Anthony both grimaced a bit too obvious for it to have worked.

Anathema laughed. “So you weren’t treated to the tale of pining, and heartache?”

“It’s a real Romeo and Juliet type romance,” Eliza added.

“It was not!” Ezra protested. “For one thing, it’s hardly like our families hated each other. For another, no one died.”

“Gabriel did. On the inside, anyway.” Eliza smirked.

“And Gabriel is?” Gavin asked.

“Ezra’s ex. There’s another story I should tell you.” Eliza added, and Ezra groaned.

“Oh, come on, angel. Let her have her fun now. When her engagement party rolls around you and I have been there for enough of Eliza’s-”

“Do not say a word, Anthony Crowley, not a one, or I swear you will hurt.” Eliza threatened, and Newton, who had only just met most of these people, looked properly terrified.

“Which year was it when she dated the bloke with the really big teeth, and who called everyone-” Anthony was prevented from further speaking by an errant chip being tossed at his head. “Oi.”

“Warning shot,” Eliza said.

Ezra pursed his lips. “And here I thought we left the children with the sitter.” He said to Gavin who tried his best not to smile and had to hide it from Eliza.

He liked Gavin, and quite looked forward to having him a part of the family one day soon. After all, though it was only a few days ago he’d asked Ezra for permission to marry Eliza. Even though they were already living together, he thought he should do it all the same.

Ezra felt Anthony kiss his temple, and turned briefly to press his forehead to his partner, his future husband, and was pleased to know his sister would be as happy as he was, even if her love didn’t take quite as long to get there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last What If may be a few days. It's another AU on the AU, but a completely different take. Real life, however, has been getting in the way of writing time, so it's not nearly as far along as I want.  
> It's still set in this universe, but the circumstances of their first meeting are different.  
> Until next time.


	7. ...Tony raised Anthony, Pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed that I took away the end chapter. That's because... well, this one was half the size of the last one and it had barely begun. It could have been its own fic.
> 
> Tags for this chapter: Oh my god they were roommates! (I've always wanted to use this one)

Ezra Fell wasn’t nervous. No, not at all, and he was going to keep telling himself that regardless of whether it was true or not.

Because this is what he worked so damn hard for: Oxford University, working toward an English Major, just like his late father. Some might say he’d given up a social life through secondary for this. Sometimes Eliza did, she certainly said it more than once as she went through the process of applying for loans in order to attend school in London. The truth was Ezra was fairly sure he wouldn’t have had much of a social life anyway.

Since they’d left London themselves when they were thirteen, Ezra hadn’t really made any friends. He was picked on for the longest time, at least until the ones who did the taunting and the shoving realized if they wanted a shot with Eliza, they should probably leave her brother alone. 

That, and one very satisfying incident a year back that ensured most everyone left him well alone.

He’d met a bloke named Oscar while working at the library, but it was difficult being friends with someone who went to school across town, and who was also a good couple years older than he was. It had been nice to meet someone to talk literature with, among other things. They’d even gone on a couple of dates before Ezra had left for school, but nothing ever became official between them. There was talk of maybe getting together when they returned for the holidays, and they planned to continue to write and maybe talk once in a while, but Ezra didn’t hold out hope for them to go anywhere. 

Oscar was a catch by anyone’s standards. Ezra was decidedly less so.

Making his way to his dorm with his two, oversized suitcases, he worried about the person he would be stuck living with for the next four years. Possibly longer, if they both managed to stick around. 

He maneuvered around people and boxes, only slightly lamenting that his own mum wasn’t there to help him settle. It came down to either going with him or Eliza, and since it would be dreadfully unfair to choose a child, they asked her to choose neither. Mind, Eliza had Deirdre, the two have been inseparable since they met. Ezra had struck out entirely on his own.

“Need a hand?” An older man asked him in the hallway, and he glanced up at the tall, lean gentleman with a polite smile.

“I’m fine, thank you.” He said. “I’m almost there.”

“Are you sure?” The man asked. “I was just finishing helping my son.”

“Absolutely, though I appreciate the offer,” Ezra said with a nod, and the man let him go. 

Ezra moved two more doors down, the one belonging to him and who he would be living with seeming to be propped open.

He moved inside and stopped short when he realized his roommate was in the middle of the dorm, blocking his way. The bloke seemed to sense him because he glanced at Ezra over his shoulder.

“Sorry, mate.” He said, stepping out of the way. “Didn’t mean to be in your way.”

Ezra stared at the young man far longer than was polite, then got himself together, and smiled shyly. “It’s fine, dear fellow.” He said, and the bloke quirked an eyebrow at him.

 _Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful, great first impression_ , Ezra chided himself as he headed to what was clearly meant to be his bed. _Stare at him because of his eyes, and then sound like an old silly within seconds of meeting him._

The bloke did have very unusual eyes. Might be contacts, but they didn’t look serpentine enough to have been any sort of lenses. They were a bit lovely, really, and unusual. 

“Segmental heterochromia,” the bloke said behind him, startling Ezra out of his thoughts and made him realize he hadn’t even opened a bag yet.

“Sorry,” He asked, turning to face his roommate as said roommate turned to face him. 

He gestured to his eyes. “Segmental heterochromia. Bit of a family trait skips a generation, and none of my siblings got it, the bastards. Normally it’s half the eye’s a different color, but spots are still common. I just got lucky enough to look like a bloody demon.”

Ezra blushed. “Oh. I’m sorry, really. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You didn’t,” the bloke smirked. “Bit used to the stares, so my dad just told me to explain it when people stare. Said it’s easier to just answer the question they’re probably thinking, and they’ll stare less.”

“I am so, so sorry.” Ezra continued to apologize.

“It’s fine, honest.” The bloke grinned. “I’m Anthony, by the way. Anthony Adams. Some people call me AJ.”

“Ezra Fell,” he said, taking Anthony’s offered hand and shaking it. “I’m going to be studying English. You?”

“Arts and Economics,” Anthony replied. “Dad said do what I love, step-mum said to be practical.”

Ezra had to admit that Anthony looked like an art student in the very best way. His hair was long, currently tied back out of the way. He was dressed in a black t-shirt, his denims dark and … perhaps too snug to be looked at a bit too long. 

“At least you have a plan for practical,” Ezra said with a grin. 

It got a bit awkward after that, and the two of them went back to their unpacking. Ezra peeked up every once in a while, noting the things Anthony had already done and was doing. For instance, there were a few potted plants on the highest shelf of his desk, and on the wall beside his bed he’d tacked up posters on astronomy. Ezra wasn’t sure he’d noted a single shade lighter than dark grey among the clothing he noted Anthony removed, and he was starting to lose all hope that they would have anything in common. Not that he’d had a lot of hope to begin with.

“Were you thinking of going to that mixer they have for the first-year students?” Anthony asked after a long stretch of silence, startling Ezra enough to fumble his books, though thankfully on the bed.

“Umm… no. I can’t say I was.” He confessed.

“I might, just to see who’s who and all,” Anthony replied, and Ezra nodded despite knowing there was a chance Anthony wouldn’t see him. “We could go… together.”

Ezra half turned toward him. “Oh, you don’t want me around you. I’d only, ah, cramp your style.” He said, then put his hands behind his back when he realized he’d been wringing them. 

Anthony frowned. “Who bloody says?” 

Ezra blushed. “I don’t think it needs to be said.”

Anthony looked him over then. Probably the first time he noted the older sweater that had once been Ezra’s father’s over a blue button-down. The brown slacks were a bit ill-fitting but comfortable and perfectly serviceable. Unlike his sister, Ezra never cared a lick about fashion. And who was he trying to impress, anyway? Anyone who would only see his merit if he wore what they deemed the proper clothes weren’t worth his time, and it was about to be made clear his roommate wasn’t worth his time.

Anthony crossed his arms. “I’ve no idea what you’re on about. Come with me if you want, or don’t. But I offered, and I wouldn’t have offered if I minded being seen with you.” He said with an icy edge, and Ezra actually felt guilty.

But why should he? He had nothing to feel guilty over. So, he went back to unpacking in silence, mentally counting down the days until the Christmas holidays when he could get a break.

~C~

He’d gone to the mixer alone, and sort of regretted it.

Anthony had grown quite used to people being drawn to him for his unusual appearance. He also understood he was conventionally handsome, so it wasn’t uncommon to be hit on now and again. But he had gone in an attempt to make friends, and instead, he was given three numbers so far, and no one had been interested in carrying on a conversation with him.

 _Anthony_ : _This sucks._

He sent the text but didn’t pocket his phone, hoping the reply would come soon. Sure enough, it chimed about a minute later.

_Oscar: It can’t be that bad._

_Anthony: It is._

_My only advantage is that there’s a loud bloke here with purple eyes, so mine aren’t the only super interesting pair._

_Oscar: You don’t happen to see a curly-haired blonde around._

_Anthony: Be more specific, you prat_

_Oscar: Sort of cherubic, blue eyes. Probably dressed like a grandfather._

Anthony snorted.

_Anthony: Sounds like my roommate._

“Hi.” 

At the sound of the deep voice, Anthony looked up from his phone and met the gaze of the purple-eyed man who was now standing beside him. “Great party, huh?” He asked with a too-wide smile.

Anthony shrugged. “Been to better.”

“I’m Gabriel,” The man introduced himself.

Anthony looked at him. “AJ,” He said, taking the bloke's hand, and damn near rolling his eyes when Gabriel made his grip firm. “So, what are you studying, Gabe?”

This got the bloke going, which Anthony figured it might. He listened to the man rattle on about economics, and how he chose Oxford over some school in the states because it allowed him to branch out, get more experience. He went on for a few minutes, then was distracted by someone he met earlier, and Anthony slipped away.

“Could have gone to Cambridge, but no. Go with Oxford, try and make Jane happy.” He said to himself as he trudged back to his room. “Not like Jane is ever bloody happy, but here we are.”

When he got to his door it was closed. Perplexed, he looked at the knob, seeing no sign, known or otherwise, that Ezra might not want him inside. He could knock, but it’s where he bloody lived. Deciding to take the chance of offending his roommate further, he turned the knob and stepped inside.

Ezra was on his bed reading, a cup of tea from the campus cafe sitting on the nightstand beside him.

Anthony frowned at it, then looked at the kettle sitting on top of the mini-fridge he had in the corner, noting it was still filled to the exact line he had it at earlier. The mug beside it still turned upside down, not a smidge out of place.

“Umm,” He blinked then looked at Ezra. “What are you doing?”

“Reading,” Ezra replied, confused.

“No, I mean… why did you go all the way to the cafe for a cup of tea?”

Ezra lowered his book. “I wanted tea.”

“There’s a kettle right there.”

“But that’s yours,” Ezra said as though it were perfectly obvious.

“You… you can use it. It’s just a kettle.” Anthony said, inadvertently glancing at the empty space by Ezra’s desk. 

There was nothing there. His desk had his texts, some paper, pens, and a laptop that didn’t look to be the latest model but was at least new. There were no personal effects on Ezra’s side of the room, nothing that expressed his personality, showed who he was. 

He also realized that Ezra arrived after he had, with two rather large bags and nothing else. No one came with him. 

“That’s kind of you,” Ezra said, snapping Anthony’s attention back to him. “Perhaps, then, if you really don’t object I can buy a box of tea for myself. And you, as well, if you want. Since you’re being kind enough to let me use your appliance.”

Anthony blinked. “Yeah, sure.” He moved to sit on his bed, still trying to make sense of what he'd pieced together. “Didn’t feel like decorating tonight?” He asked.

Ezra looked up at the wall beside him, completely empty, and blushed. “I honestly hadn’t thought of that. I was more concerned with making sure I had my clothes and books.”

“No one could give you a lift here, help you bring more?” Anthony tried to ask as elegantly as possible.

“Mum could have, I suppose. But then my sister may have felt a bit put out. She’s attending school in London.”

“Twin?” Anthony hazard a guess.

“No. Not really. We’re just very close in age.” 

Anthony nodded, “Wish I had a sibling close in age. My sister’s six years younger than me, brothers are younger still.”

“I suppose it is nice. Eliza has been my friend as much as my sister, though she has her own life of course.” He said, and Anthony felt a small victory he couldn’t explain at the sight of Ezra tucking a bookmark into the pages of his book.

Anthony rose from the bed to the kettle he’d mentioned earlier. “What about you?” He asked as he flicked on the appliance.

“What about me?” Ezra repeated.

“Well, what about your friends, your life?” Anthony asked as he leaned on his desk and focused on Ezra.

“I don’t have much of either,” Ezra said with a self-deprecating grin. “I’ve always been a bit odd, most people don’t care much for me. I did make a friend while I worked at a library back home. He’d-oh.” Ezra stopped short, tensing up.

“He’d what?” Anthony asked.

“It’s nothing.” Ezra rushed to say. “Forget I was about to say anything.” 

Anthony blinked. “Alright.” He said, trying to figure out what minefield they’d stepped into. “Most of my friends scattered about. Can’t say I was close to any of them. Well, except one, but the bloody wanker went to Edinburgh. He’s a bit older than me, so I’m used to it. Still, Edinburgh.” He spat because he truly couldn’t wrap his head around why Oscar thought the place was so great.

It reminded him that he hadn’t checked his phone since Gabriel came up and talked to him.

“My one friend went to Edinburgh, too,” Ezra said as Anthony pushed off the desk to fix himself a cup of tea, check his messages. 

_Oscar: Maybe Ezra’s your roommate_

Anthony dropped his phone.

“Shit!” He cursed, thankful he didn’t go with one of those thin models that looked like it could break if looked at the wrong way.

“Oh, dear,” Ezra said, and Anthony heard him slide off the bed.

Ezra. Fucking _Ezra_ who Oscar was stupid over. Who he wouldn’t shut up about.

Ezra who he had been dating since the summer. 

Anthony glanced over his shoulder at his roommate as he collected his phone and suddenly had a whole different perspective. He already knew him, sort of. Because Oscar wouldn’t shut up about him, Anthony knew that Ezra had gone to the only other secondary in school. He knew Ezra had wanted to come here because of a family thing, and knew he was quite clever. 

“It’s alright,” Anthony said as he picked up the phone and wiggled it between his fingers before pocketing it. “Right as rain. So, this friend of yours.” Anthony started, because what was the point in not getting it all out in the open. “Name wouldn’t happen to be Oscar White?”

Ezra startled. 

_Bingo!_

“It is.” Ezra blinked. And then his eyes widened. “Oh! You must be _Anthony_.”

“Oh, that’s not ominous or anything,” Anthony replied as the kettle beeped and he promptly turned his attention back to it. 

“Oh, I don’t mean it to be, dear fellow,” Ezra replied.

With his back still to the blonde, Anthony frowned and mouthed, “dear fellow”.

“It’s just, well, Oscar has gone on about you from time to time. Quite frankly I thought, perhaps, you two had, umm…. Dated. At one point.” 

Anthony snorted rather loudly. “Yeah, no. Not so lucky. He wasn’t ever interested in me.” He said tea made. He turned to gauge Ezra’s reaction to that and found him blushing and seeming a bit sheepish. Anthony looked at his cup of tea. “You were, though. Lucky, that is.”

“It seems I made you dislike me long before we even met,” Ezra said, and Anthony could see he was wringing his hands in his periphery.

He glanced up, taking in Ezra’s utterly crestfallen expression. 

Ezra was, he supposed, rather pretty. Not normally Anthony’s type in any way, but he could see what Oscar had seen. His mannerisms were a bit weird, and he did sound like a man three times his age, but Anthony could see how it might be endearing. 

“I don’t dislike you,” Anthony said, begrudgingly. “Bit jealous of you, but I can get past that.”

Ezra looked genuinely surprised at that. “Oh. Really?”

Anthony smirked. “Yeah.”

~A~

Ezra was sure there was nothing more distracting in the entire world than Anthony sketching. In the couple weeks they’d been living together, he noted Anthony had his rituals, much like Ezra.

In the evenings, Ezra would study, make some tea for him and Anthony, and then settle in with a book. It didn’t matter if it was a book for class or his own reading pleasure, because all reading was a pleasure. It wasn’t all that different from his routine at him, though he had thought that without Eliza’s bebop coming through the walls, or she and Deirdre’s ever loud laughter he would be able to focus that much more.

He had been very wrong. 

Anthony’s rituals were much the same as Ezra’s which was unexpected but lovely. Anthony would study, get caught up on his work (usually with more grumbling when his economics books were open), then he would grab his headphones, sketchbook, and zone in as his pencils scratched the paper.

It shouldn’t pull Ezra’s eyes away from the text so often. Anthony wasn’t being loud, he barely made more than a few hums throughout. It was just that he was already a fairly attractive fellow as it was. But when he got into what he seemed to love doing, his focus decidedly on the paper and what might have been in his head, Ezra was drawn to look at him like a moth to a flame. 

He had to look away quickly when Anthony reached up to take his earbuds out, not wanting to get caught staring. He pointedly looked at his book while Anthony set aside his pencil and sketch paid, tossing the wires on top of them. Ezra reached for his tea, taking a sip as Anthony unabashedly took off his long-sleeved shirt.

Ezra immediately choked.

“You alright, mate?” Anthony asked in concern, and before Ezra could get himself together, he felt a hand thumping his back.

“Yes, fine thank you.” Ezra choked out around a couple more coughs. He tried to look up, but a quick glance showed Anthony was still half-naked. He blushed, which at least he could explain away from not being able to breathe. “Took a breath at the wrong moment.” He explained away. 

As Anthony stepped away, Ezra forced himself to look up. Because he knew, he’d probably have to get used to seeing at least a bit of skin. Not everyone was as modest as he was, and it was quite likely that when he popped down to the bathrooms to change, Anthony likely just did it in the dorm.

“Oh!” Ezra said on a gasp, which of course had him blushing again because it had been a visceral reaction.

Anthony, who had been moving back to his side of the room, stopped and looked back at Ezra, then down at his body.

Weaving its way around Anthony’s torso was a tattoo of a large, black snake. It was exquisitely detailed, the scales seeming to shimmer in places, the red of the underbelly peeking just so. The head of the snake rested on Anthony’s breast bone. 

He looked at himself, then at Ezra, darting his gaze between them. “Are you… offended?” he asked slowly.

Ezra reared back, looking Anthony in the eye. “Absolutely not!” He replied. “Why on Earth would I be offended?”

“Well… you’re sorta staring.”

“How could I not?” Ezra retorted without thinking. “That is probably one of the loveliest tattoos I’ve ever seen. Most of the ones I’ve noted on people our age, or even around home tend to be… well, not crude, but definitely not something so detailed, so completely masterful. I may have thought it real at a distance.”

It was Anthony’s turn to blush. “I didn’t get it done around home,” He confessed. “When dad and I came up to look at the campus, I happened to notice a place not far from here. The art in the window was pretty good, and when I went inside, they had pictures of their work on the walls. Pretty great stuff. So, I mean, dad said I could get one when I was able to legally.” Anthony shrugged. “I did the sketch, showed the guy what I wanted. Took a few days, coming and going, but it was worth it. Like you said, can’t get work like this back home.”

“It’s actually a shame it’s covered up most of the time,” Ezra said without thinking, and then wanted to simply pop out of existence when the words sunk in.

Thankfully, Anthony grinned. “Thought it best. Was thinking of getting it on my arm, but my step mum pointed out that snakes have a tendency to be a bit… demon-y.”

“Demon-y?” Ezra repeated, arching a brow.

Anthony rolled his eyes, opened one of his draws, and pulled out a vest top. “Yeah, well.” He said as he pulled it over his head. “She had a bit of a point. What with the eyes and all.”

“She sounds like a treat, no offense,” Ezra said, watching as Anthony got back up on his bed, settling in.

“Better than my actual mum, though,” Anthony remarked, and Ezra didn’t know what to say to that. Before he could think of anything, Anthony put his headphones back in and resumed his sketching.

~C~

“How’s Edinburgh? As damp as here?” Anthony asked Oscar over the phone, glancing out the window at the rain coming down so hard and heavy that it looked like night just past three in the afternoon. 

“Probably,” Oscar replied. “How’s it going? Month in, how are you finding things?”

“Art stuff is great, Economics is passable, and my roommate essentially lives in class or the dorm. But I’m betting you already knew that.” Anthony replied, feeling only a hint of bitterness. 

Ezra was a good roommate. While his desk was a touch cluttered, and there were usually a couple of paper cups with a bit of tea remaining in the bottom, he wasn’t a complete slob. Any untidiness was kept to his side of the room, and not in over large amounts. If he used the kettle, he filled it up after, and Anthony was fairly sure he hadn’t bought tea since the day they moved in. Ezra didn’t talk much, he didn’t play music too loudly (or at all), and the noisiest he’d been was when he was having trouble getting his laptop to cooperate, and even then it was more heavy sighs and grumblings. If Anthony was in the mood for conversation and didn’t feel like engaging his classmates, Ezra always seemed willing to discuss things with him.

But the fact still stood that he was _Ezra Fell_. He was the bloke that, while Anthony mooned and pined after Oscar, Oscar was doing the same to Ezra. 

Yes, Anthony had mostly gotten over the crush he’d had on his very good friend. Yes, he had been happy for Oscar when he excitedly announced that Ezra had finally agreed to a date. It didn’t mean that Anthony liked any of it, and it especially didn’t mean he enjoyed the idea that Oscar probably talked to Ezra when he wasn’t around, and that he probably featured in some of their conversations.

Oscar gave a light chuckled, “Well, Ezra never struck me as the sort that would party on the weekends. But he’s a fantastic guy, don’t you think?”

“He’s alright,” Anthony replied with a shrug Oscar wouldn’t see. “Keeps himself to himself at least.”

“Oh, bull shit, Anthony,” Oscar said. “’He’s alright,’ he says.”

“Look, I don’t worship the ground he walks on like you do. I don’t see it. I don’t see how you’re all gooey over him. He’s a geriatric in a teenager’s body.”

“If you got to know him-”

“Why are you trying so hard for me to like him so much?” Anthony cut in.

“Because he’s great,” Oscar replied. “And he’s not the sort that will talk first. He seems to have this preconceived notion that no one will like him so he doesn’t bother trying. I guarantee he’s not talking much to you because you’re not talking to him.”

“What have we got to talk about? Aside from _you_?” Anthony retorted, ignoring the fact that the few times they did chat, the conversation came easily enough. It wasn’t about themselves, of course, but of topics that might be considered neutral.

“I’m sure you could come up with something,” Oscar said with slight exasperation.

“Look, I get on perfectly civil with your boyfriend-”

“He’s… not really my boyfriend, Anthony.” Oscar cut him off.

“Well, you’re dating.”

“We’ve been on a few dates.” Oscar hedged. “I wouldn’t say we’re dating.”

Anthony puzzled over this. “Wait, so… a few dates. Good dates, if I remember what you said. And yet…?”

Oscar sighed. “Ezra’s… I don’t know how to describe it. There was nothing said, nothing serious, we’re just… we went on a few dates, it went well, but we aren’t together.”

Anthony blinked. “I’m not sure if I should like him more or less.”

Oscar laughed, which wasn’t really the reaction Anthony was sort of hoping for. When he settled, Oscar said, “I should get going. I’ve got an evening class later, and I’d really like to-”

“Yeah, yeah, fine. Leave me if you must.” Anthony replied, a smile playing lightly on his lips.

“I’ll talk to you soon, and text you sooner,” Oscar assured.

“Bye for now.” Anthony rang off, flopping his arm down on the bed. 

The ache in his heart where Oscar was concerned wasn’t terribly big, was barely more than a slight emotional inconvenience. But it was there nonetheless, and much as Anthony had sort of wished it would either come back full force or stay away completely he did sort of relish in the feel of it.

Before he could get himself into a good bout of angst, the door to the dorm room opened, and in walked a sopping wet Ezra.

He was literally dripping, his shirt bordering transparent due to its pale nature, and only his sweater vest was providing any sort of modesty for his torso. As Anthony sat up to get a better look at him, he realized Ezra was balancing his perfectly serviceable raincoat over top a small bundle in his arms.

“The coat works better when you wear it over your full body,” Anthony said as he hopped off the bed.

Ezra barely looked up at him. “Quite right,” he said with a dull shiver as he sat the bundle on the corner of his desk. “However, I fear my books and work needed it more than I did.” He said as he lifted the jacket away, then inspected the stack of books and notebooks that had been hidden beneath it. He crouched, looking it over, and seemed satisfied.

Anthony looked at the stack, at Ezra, over Ezra, and frowned. “Didn’t you have a backpack?”

“Ah, yes,” Ezra said before he gave another violent shiver. He seemed torn for a moment, looking between the door and his bed before finally darting to shut their door more soundly, then peeled off his sweater vest, turning with his back to Anthony. “I should have another one tucked away here. My old one from secondary, I’d brought it just in case.” He said, dropping the wet clothes into his hamper. He then grabbed his robe off the corner of the top shelf of the desk, seeming to try and prevent Anthony from seeing the front of his body.

That, of course, would be a topic to address at another time. For now, Anthony focused on the more immediate concern. 

“Yeah, but… you had a really nice backpack, I remember. Nice as anything, what happened to it?” he asked as Ezra put on the robe and then got out of his trousers. 

“Ah…” he said as he backed up to the edge of the bed to retrieve his pajama bottoms. “I, um… I gave it away.”

Anthony was momentarily stunned enough by that fact that he was able to ignore the secondary sloshing of clothing hitting the floor which would indicate that he was in a room with Oscar’s not-boyfriend while he was barely dressed at all.

“You… what?” He asked because he was sure, absolutely positive, that Ezra wasn’t even a fraction as well off as he was. Most of the man’s clothes were outdated, not that being outdated was a terrible thing but they also weren’t fashionable. His electronics were a model or two behind what was current, even if they appeared to be new. And Ezra, from what he’d seen, was very good at being thrifty right from the get-go, not something most of their peers could say for themselves.

The backpack had been very, very nice. It was probably the only thing Ezra had that was new, truly new. It was the sort that one could strap to themselves in various places to redistribute the weight, and was waterproof, meaning days like today weren’t something Ezra would have had to worry about.

So when he repeated, “I gave it away,” Anthony wanted to call him an idiot.

But then Ezra pulled on his pajama bottoms, closed and tied his robe forcefully, chucked the last of his wet things in the hamper and turned to Anthony plaintively. “There was a girl in my English lit class, she’s just a small thing and I’ve been watching her struggle with carrying the texts for an age. Then we’re leaving the building in this awful storm, and her bag breaks. The seam split right open, books tumbling out. So, I took off my jacket, put my own things in it, wrapped them up then handed her the beg. ‘Here you go, nice bag, better for your back and much more sturdy than your canvas one.’” He sighed. “She wanted to buy me a cup of tea as a thank you, but by then we were both just drenched, so I told her to think nothing of it.”

Anthony continued to stare for probably an uncomfortably long moment.

“You know you’re not going to get that back, right?” Anthony said after a time.

Ezra huffed, “I am aware, thank you. I was aware when I made the split-second decision, and I’m still aware now. It’s not like I don’t have a backup tucked away. Not as nice, of course, but I made do with it for four years, and it’s still good enough to be used for another few I’m sure.” 

_Oh_ , Anthony thought as he watched one of the few, truly good and kind people he’d ever met go to his drawers and rummage around for some clean and dry things to change into. _Oh, I think I get what Oscar sees in you, now_.

~A~

It was a couple of nights after the day Ezra gave up his bag that Anthony came into their room with two bags from the nearby grocer. 

Ezra merely glanced up from his book, because it wasn’t terribly odd for Anthony to come in without so much as a hello with a few things, or his art bag, or whatever. He was fairly certain that Anthony would put what needed to be placed in the fridge inside it, then change his clothes and head back out to either the art studio or whatever party was happening somewhere decidedly not their room.

Which is why when Anthony handed him a cider a few minutes later, Ezra looked at it as though he’d never seen one before in his life.

He looked up at Anthony who continued to hold it out. “I met Oscar when I was thirteen, and he moved to town.” He said. “He lived two houses down from me.”

Frowning, Ezra reached up and took the bottle. “Funny to think we both moved there at the same time, he and I.”

“You lived across town,” Anthony said as though he’d already known. Which, Ezra supposed, he might have if he was friends with Oscar.

“I did.” Ezra nodded, watching Anthony grab another cider and sit on his bed with it, turned toward Ezra, feet hanging over the side. Setting his own drink down on the nearby side table, Ezra bookmarked his place and set his novel aside. “I went to your rival school, as it were.”

“Makes sense, since I didn’t see you,” Anthony replied before smirking. “Means you got to put up with Freddie Martin for a couple years.”

Ezra rolled his eyes. “I loathed that man.” He said before picking up his drink and taking a sip.

“He was bloody gorgeous though,” Anthony said, taking a drink himself. “Honestly, I could watch him run up and down the football fields all day, but he was a right prick when he wanted to be.” He took another drink then added, “He asked me out when we were… fourteen, I think it was. ‘Course, I’d met Oscar. Was sorta… well I liked them both, but I mean… Oscar was… Oscar, so I went out with Freddie once or twice and he was just… such a prat.”

Ezra had already known, of course, that Anthony was at least bisexual. He’d remembered him saying that Ezra was lucky to have caught Oscar’s eye, and he’d seen Anthony flirting with a bloke or two from a distance a couple of times in the last month. Still, it gave him a bit of thrill to hear the man had actually dated other men in the past. It made him that much more comfortable, knowing he wasn’t going to be suddenly vilified for his own sexuality.

“He really is.” Ezra agreed. “You know-” He stopped, fear seizing him for just a moment. He wanted to open up, to trust the man he’d be living with for at least three years. He reminded himself that he already knew something about Anthony that one might say was vulnerable. So, taking a sip for courage, Ezra tried again. “You know Fredrick told me once that I gave men like us a bad name. That I was a bit too fussy, a bit too… flamboyant.”

“You? Really?” Anthony deadpanned.

“Quite,” Ezra replied. 

“I mean, no offense, but it’s a bit obvious you’re- well.”

“Gay, yes,” Ezra replied, a thrill shooting through him at saying it out loud for the first time. “I didn’t even have a proper ‘coming out’ as it were. My sister complained that she wasn’t allowed to have boys in her room with the door closed, but I had Oscar by and ‘how was that fair’. I was mortified, but my mum said she’d always known.”

Anthony snickered. “Yes, well. That aside, you’re hardly what I think anyone would call flamboyant. Bit too much beige.” He grinned and gestured to Ezra who was, in fact, dressed in beige.

Ezra blushed, “Fair point.”

“So, what did you say to him for all that? Anything?”

“No,” Ezra shrugged, taking a sip of his drink before adding, “I punched him.”

Anthony, who seemed to be going for a drink with Ezra, promptly swallowed funny and coughed out, “what?” before starting to laugh.

Ezra grinned bashfully. “I broke his nose.” He said. “Oddly, though, not because of what he was saying about me. I could handle the insults, I’ve heard them my whole life. He called my sister a slut, and I simply wouldn’t allow that.”

Anthony gapped. “He did not!”

“Oh, I’m afraid he did. Said something about how she’d seen more of the football team naked than he did. Of course, Eliza was a bit miffed she didn’t get the honor herself, but she was a few feet away at the time, hadn’t had a chance to step in yet.”

“I wish I’d been there to see that,” Anthony said dreamily. “Bet he’s less pretty now.”

“I would say so, but I found his personality tended to dim the shine as it were,” Ezra replied, taking another drink and letting the silence fall. He wasn’t sure what to say, what to ask. If maybe this was just a quick conversation before Anthony settled in for some sketching.

“Oscar told me you always wanted to come here. To Oxford.”

Ezra darted a glance at Anthony, seeing his eyes were diverted in the direction of Ezra’s desk.

“I did.” Ezra concurred. “My father was an alumnus here. As was his father, and his before him. I’m a fourth-generation Fell to attend.”

“Hope your children will follow?” Anthony asked with a smirk.

“I don’t think I’ll be so lucky to have that hope.” Ezra rushed to say. 

Anthony frowned, looking back at him in confusion. “You know we can adopt, right?”

For a second, that word “we” did something funny to Ezra’s brain that he couldn’t pin down, and then it was gone before he could analyze it. “Yes, I know.” He said instead, then took a drink in hopes Anthony would change the subject. When nothing came up, Ezra asked, “What about you? Was Oxford your first choice?”

“For Art? Absolutely.” Anthony replied. “I looked at the program, loved that I didn’t have to have a specialty to start, and yeah. First choice. Economics? I’d probably have been better off at Cambridge. Not because it’s a bad course, just… I dunno. Plus, there’s this wanker in my class, Gabriel. We met at that mixer the first night and I just… can’t stand him. Real nice to look at, a bloody nightmare to talk to.”

Ezra giggled. “Well, he got in here, so at least he has a brain.”

“Least there’s that,” Anthony said in a mock toast, taking a drink, and Ezra did the same.

~*~

“You said your mum couldn’t come with you,” Anthony had pointed out a couple of hours later, and another cider in. Ezra was pretty sure Anthony wasn’t drunk, but perhaps experiencing that same level of pleasant haze that Ezra was. The one just before he went over the edge into drunk, when his inhibitions were just lowered enough to make him a bit more loose-lipped, but not so much that he would say something he didn’t want to. 

They were mostly flopped on their respective beds, only just elevated enough to still drink and yet low enough to be quite comfortable.

“She could have.” Ezra conceded. “But then Liza might’ve been a bit put out, so I thought it easier just to come alone.”

“Whaddabout your dad?” Anthony asked. “Or, is he not around.”

Ezra swallowed. “He passed when I was fourteen.” He replied.

Anthony’s eyes grew sympathetic. “I’m sorry. Was he ill?”

Ezra sighed. “In a way, yes. He was…” he glanced at Anthony, willing himself to open up a little bit more. They’d come this far, gotten to know one another a bit better. “My father was seventy-eight. He’d had a stroke before we’d moved away from London. I don’t think he ever fully recovered.”

Ezra watched the varying reactions on Anthony’s face as he processed the news. But in the end, he’d settled on sympathetic instead of asking all the intrusive questions Ezra had been expecting. “I’m sorry. Must have been hard.”

“It was.” Ezra agreed. Then, hoping he wasn’t about to make a colossal arse of himself, asked, “You mention a step mum but… but not a mum. Was yours… did she?”

Anthony shook his head, taking a long drink from his cider. “My mum left us when I was a baby.” He said. “She’d been married, still is, to another bloke. She comes around still, from time to time. Pops in for birthdays on occasion. But… Jane, my step mum, she explained it better and more honest than dad did.”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean… she pretty much told me - when I was older, mind- that dad didn’t have the lifestyle my mum wanted. They were both doctors, but she came from money, he didn’t. She was used to a big house, used to not needing to worry about money, but if she’d stayed with dad, there was a risk.” He looked at Ezra, a sad sort of humor twinkling in his eyes. “She tried to convince me to live with her a couple years ago. Said I’d have everything I want, education paid for, no loans, no nothing.”

“You obviously didn’t.” 

Anthony scoffed. “No, why would I? Woman was barely around, only when she wanted to be seen being a mum to some degree. Apparently, she paid for the nanny dad had to have, it was her way of paying child support. But… I wouldn’t have lived with her for anything. At least with dad, I knew I was wanted. Even if Jane wasn’t always maternal to me, even if he wasn’t around as much as I’d have liked. Hell, even though I had to share a bathroom with three younger siblings, and never really have any privacy… I could at least trust they’d be around.” He took another drink. 

“I do understand that.” Ezra nodded. “I don’t have a lot of family, but we’re close.”

“Just your mum and sister?” Anthony asked.

“Yes,” Ezra replied. “It’s just us.”

~*~

“It’s so gloooomy,” Anthony slurred, well into a state of drunkenness.

But then again, so was Ezra. 

“’S not the point,” Ezra replied. “’S a classic. Beloved.”

“It’s all… being and not being. It’s all… madness and death. Like-like Othello! Othello was… they just needed to talk. Just talk! Romeo and Jul-julie, the other one.”

“They were too young in that one.” Ezra agreed. “Too… too, they were f-fourteen. Fourteen! I hadn’t even been kissed at fourteen, let alone,” he moved his hand about to convey what he couldn’t say.

“I’d… at fourteen,” Anthony said with the same hand gesture.

“You _did!”_ Ezra said as he flopped onto his side, looking at the (frankly) beautiful mess that was his roommate on the other bed. “S so young.”

Anthony shrugged, his shoulders nearly touching his ears. “Dad… he always said sex was just… sex, ya know? Like, rules were stupid. Except consent, consent was the only thing, really. But the whole… waitin’ bit, said was stupid. And, ya know, relationships…. Mind, I don’t think he meant fourteen, ya know? But, just… he didn’t want any pr-pre conv… any stupid rule things about right times and shit. Respect. Consent and respect.”

“Suppose that’s smart.” Ezra agreed.

“So, fourteen. With Fredrick,” he said, clicking the k. “Least, sorta. I mean, more things when… older. But, ya know, he was my first… stuff. Not kiss, though. That was… Lisa. No! Linda. Linda was my first kiss.”

“Oscar was mine,” Ezra remarked. Just this past summer.

Anthony frowned. “He didn’t say you two… yeah know.”

“Kissed?” Ezra supplied.

“Other things,” Anthony replied, and Ezra turned a deep shade of red.

“We didn’t,” He said.

“You what?” Anthony asked, rolling so abruptly he fell off the bed.

“Oh, fuck.” Ezra said, nearly doing the same in his haste to get down and see to his roommate.

Anthony was laughing, which was a good sign, and when Ezra got down on the floor beside him, he seemed no worse for wear. 

“You swore!” Anthony crowed. “Fuck, I didn’ think you could.”

“I curse.” Ezra pouted.

“Guess you do,” Anthony said as he sat up, leaning back against his bed. “Thought you were right good. Proper angel.”

“All of us ‘ave a bit of… rebel in us,” Ezra said as he scooted inelegantly back to lean his back against his bed. He stretched out his legs, and Anthony did the same, creating a pattern of beige and black between them. “Been thinking ‘bout a tattoo.” He said once settled.

“’Ave you now?” Anthony asked.

“Yours is just so nice. A-and so many people on campus, beautiful pieces. Just… don’t know what I’d get. Or where. But I want one!” He said with a grin.

“What would your mummy think?” Anthony asked, stretching his arm up and pawing for his drink.

“That she’d have expected it from Liza,” Ezra said as he did the same, finding his bottle as Anthony found his. Ezra pouted when he brought it eye level and saw it was empty. 

“We drank all the cider,” Anthony remarked. “Suppose makes sense. Drunk an’ all.”

“Wasn’t… wasn’t there a thing tonight?” Ezra asked. “A thing.”

“Always a thing,” Anthony replied. “Things get boring, just. ‘S all the same, ya know? There’s drinkin’ and dancin’, and snoggin’.”

“Wouldn’t know,” Ezra said. “Don’t think I want to.”

“You’re pretty.” Anthony grossed. “How can you be pretty and not know snoggin’. Makes no sense.”

“Not pretty.” Ezra counter. “’M soft. And silly. And odd.”

“Pretty.” Anthony countered.

“No, tha’s you. With your…” And Ezra just waved at him, because really. The perfect, long red hair, the lithe figure, the jawline, the smile. Even the eyes were beautiful in their own right, and Ezra was just him.

“Shut up,” Anthony countered. “I could draw you a tattoo.” He suddenly offered. “Mean, not now. Not…” he lifted his hands as if to show Ezra something regarding them, but he didn’t see anything besides those long, elegant fingers.

“You could play piano with those hands.” He commented.

“Nah,” Anthony shook his head. “Not good. Me, music, not. Yeah.” He got out, and Ezra giggled when he flopped his head back. “Y-you got any talents, angel?”

Ezra shook his head and mildly regretted it. “Bit boring. Like books. Can lift about twenty kilos with one arm.”

Anthony’s eyes went comically wide. “Shut up, can not.”

~C~

“Holy shit,” Anthony said as Ezra held the mini-fridge fairly comfortably (if not awkwardly) with one arm, only bracing it against his side because of the size.

“Books ‘re bit easier,” Ezra said as he gently (and effortlessly) maneuvered the mini-fridge back down to the ground. It took a couple of tries for him to plug it back in, but he got it in the end, with a triumphant little wiggle.

Which, Anthony realized through the heavy cloud of alcohol, was adorable.

~*~

There was an elephant on his head. At least, it felt like that because the throbbing was unbearable. 

He must have groaned, because he heard Ezra say, “I wholeheartedly agree.”

Anthony lifted his head, wincing at the dim light peeking through their curtained window, and looked over at Ezra where he was beside Anthony on the floor.

Oh right. They didn’t think they could make it back up to their beds, so they brought their pillows to the floor. That was after Ezra found the last two ciders, and their waning intoxication got a bit of a boost.

“There’s water, and paracetamol by your head,” Ezra said, and Anthony shifted just slightly and spotted it.

“Oh, you’re a fucking angel.” He declared as he grabbed the water bottle and cracked it open.

“That’s sticking, is it?” Ezra asked with a smirk, and Anthony felt he knew the man well enough now to know the annoyance in his tone wasn’t real.

As Anthony opened the bottle of pills and popped two in his mouth, he said, “yes.” And then after washing those blessed things down, he added. “Though I question the shine on your halo after seeing what you could put away last night.”

Ezra giggled, then groaned a bit. “Yes, well. You’re the devil who bought it.”

“Suppose I am,” Anthony said as he slowly moved to sit up. “Be up for doing it again, with you.”

Ezra looked up at him, and Anthony was hurt just a bit to see the surprise in those clear, blue eyes. “Maybe not tonight,” Ezra said with a tiny smile. “I might stick with tea, or perhaps a cocoa.” 

It hit Anthony then that something quite extraordinary happened during the night. Ezra Fell had started off as a near stranger, and it was only because he was a truly kind soul that Anthony listened to Oscar and gave him a chance. And somehow because a pack of cider and an unwillingness to venture out with other people and party for one more weekend, Anthony Adams made himself not only a new friend but a best friend. Ezra knew more about him than anybody else, except for maybe Oscar, and even that wasn’t a certainty. 

But what was more, Anthony realized that he’d also begun to develop the slightest bit of a crush.

“Probably a good idea,” Anthony replied. “Breakfast wouldn’t hurt, either. We could go together.”

Ezra beamed at him. “I’d like that.” He said. 

And Anthony accepted that he was well and truly fucked.


	8. ...Tony raised Anthony pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could say we have progress in this one, but it's more talking and giving background. And, apparently, a lot of it takes place in vehicles.

“How’s the roommate?” Eliza asked over video chat, a sure sign she was avoiding schoolwork. Ezra, however, no longer felt the need to try and get her back on track. If she wanted to procrastinate, that was on her.

“Anthony’s fine, thank you,” Ezra replied, taking a sip of his tea.

“Well, fine is a step up from our last conversation when he was merely ‘okay’. I take it you’re adjusting.”

Ezra sighed. “I suppose, when you put it like that, we’re amicable. Friends, even.” 

“Sound more enthusiastic, Ez.” She smirked.

Ezra scowled. “Would you prefer I jump for joy? Get giddy that another human has deemed me worthy of companionship?”

“I’m just saying you sound like being your roommate’s friend is painful.” Eliza countered.

Ezra decided that was too heavy a topic to unload on his sister when he wasn’t sure how long she actually intended to stay on with him.

Ever since the night a couple of weeks back that resulted in them waking up hungover on the floor, Ezra had been looking at Anthony in an entirely different way, and not one he was sure he should. His roommate was always aesthetically pleasing, attractive in the usual ways, and perhaps a bit more when he was passionate about something. But ever since Ezra had gotten to know him, since they still talked about everything and nothing each night, spent more time in each other’s company than merely their presence, Anthony had become someone beautiful. Easily, Ezra would say Anthony was nearly his best friend, with maybe only Eliza being more so by default. 

“It’s not,” Ezra assured, “it’s-” He was cut off by the dorm room door opening. 

He looked over his shoulder and startled at seeing Anthony covered in paint and fuming.

“Oh, dear.” Ezra said.

Anthony turned his glare on Ezra, and it softened. “There are idiots in my class, angel. Idiots.”

“What happened?” Ezra asked as Anthony tossed his leather jacket onto his bed, revealing the shirt beneath had been coated in even more bright paint. 

“Harris is what happened. Harris,” Anthony paused to peel off his shirt, “decided that he wanted to be an expressionist. And then thought it hilarious,” Anthony tossed his shirt aside then went for the buttons of his mind-bogglingly tight denims. Ezra couldn’t even warn him, because Anthony barreled on. “Thought it _hilarious_ if we all became parts of his masterpiece.” He shimmied out of his denims. “He not only ruined my clothes, but he ruined my painting. Which I’d already spent a good six hours on today. I was nearly fucking finished.”

“I’m sorry,” Ezra said in sympathy. “Is there anything to be done?”

“Carmine is out for blood, so there’s that,” Anthony said, his anger starting to wane now that he vented. He reached up for his bun and let it out, shaking the long strands of red hair out and grimacing at the paint in the strands. “If this makes me have to cut my hair, I may just join Carmine in the manhunt.” He grabbed his towel and robe, his toiletries, a pair of boxers, and then left the room.

The door closed, and Ezra turned back to the screen, and then giggled as Eliza stared back. The poor thing looked a mix of shocked, scandalized, intrigued, and desperately curious.

“So,” She cleared her throat. “That happen often, does it? A little striptease down to his skivvies?”

“Anthony has the philosophy that a body is nothing to be ashamed of. Nudity doesn’t bother him in the least, and I think the only reason he hasn’t brazenly stripped to nothing is the fact that, with only one exception, I have never changed in this room with him in it.”

“So… your stupidly hot roommate - because he is, Ez. He’s not pretty, or pleasing, he’s downright delicious- strips down to nearly nothing in front of you, knowing you’re gay.”

“Well,” Ezra tipped his head side to side. “Sexuality is another thing he’s not overly concerned with. He flirts with everyone.” 

“That wasn’t flirting,” Eliza said with a giggle. “That was… what the hell do peacocks do?”

“It’s his room, he can take off his clothing here, I’ve… gotten used to it.”

Lies. Complete and utter lies. Ezra, in fact, had found it a bit more flustering since he discovered he sort of like Anthony more than he anticipated.

“He’s got a tattoo,” Eliza said in wonder. “A big bloody tattoo. I can’t decide if I’m more attracted or put off by that.”

“Are you quite done?” Ezra asked with a sigh. 

“Not sure,” Eliza retorted. “Is he single?”

“I’m hanging up now,” Ezra replied, clicking the window closed before Eliza could protest.

He took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly. Eliza probably said all that purposely to get this exact reaction out of him, what with how unruffled he’d been all their lives. He sort of hated that she found a button to push, especially when the button involved something he wasn’t entirely sure of himself. 

The door opened again, and a less colorful Anthony came in.

“I see you got the paint out,” Ezra noted.

“Was still a bit wet, at least. Used that to my advantage.” Anthony replied, taking off and tossing his robe aside, getting his pajama pants. “Your sister enjoy the show?”

Ezra blushed to the roots of his hair. “I hadn’t realized you knew she was there.”

Anthony smirked, “Well, I hadn’t until I was leaving. Mighta warned me.”

“I apologize,” Ezra said. “It… I hadn’t….”

“It’s fine, angel,” Anthony assured as he plopped on his bed. “Done it enough times with Oscar’s mates being around, in the background. Violet was particularly loud about it.”

Ezra laughed, expelling the nervous energy built up in him. Then he frowned. “Wait, Oscar’s mates? Not yours?”

“Well, mine too. Less close to them than him, though.” Anthony said with a shrug. 

“I think I’ve only met them once,” Ezra said thoughtfully. “They’d joined him at the library one evening.”

“Really?” Anthony replied. “Must have been a night I was working. Shame, really.”

Ezra didn’t say it, but he very much agreed. It was a shame. 

~C~

The train ride back home was nice. Yes, Anthony could have had his dad pick him up on campus. It had been the plan up until a week ago, but then Ezra said something about needing to remember to buy his train ticket, and Anthony said he had to do the same even though he didn’t.

So, there he was, sitting rather close to Ezra on the train, all because Anthony liked him.

Okay, so he more than liked Ezra. If he were honest with himself, he was actually infatuated with Ezra.

He was clever, more clever than Anthony was, but not in an obnoxious way. He was kind, something Anthony observed more and more as they’d spent time together around the school. Ezra had replaced someone’s tea when they’d dropped it simply because they looked like they were having a bad day. He’d helped one of Anthony’s classmates with a bundle of canvas, putting him well out of his way to the library to help bring it to the studio. He’d offer a sunshiny smile and be extra polite to any worker that seemed to be having a stressful day, then add a compliment at the end.

But heaven, hell, somewhere help the poor soul that got on his bad side. Anthony had been on the town with him once when some arse made a comment about one of them. Anthony hadn’t caught who it was directed at or what was said, but Ezra had stopped dead in their tracks, turned, and gave them a deceptively polite smile. He never raised his voice, but the warmth that usually suffused it had turned ice cold. Somehow he made the blokes that said anything properly chastised, though Anthony couldn’t figure out how. The blokes easily could have pulverized them (well, pulverized _him_ , Ezra could lift the damn mini-fridge like it was a bloody pillow), and yet they apologized and went on their way. 

Ezra was so bloody fussy, and Anthony was a little appalled by the idea that Ezra wasn’t a fan of any sort of music (or fashion) beyond the 1950s. He was not at all the type Anthony would go for, regardless of gender. And yet, when he peeked up at Ezra from beneath his lashes, studying the blonde’s profile, he found himself utterly smitten.

Which was why he paid such close attention to the man as they neared their stop, and perhaps also between bouts of napping.

“What are your plans?” Anthony asked, knowing he could interrupt Ezra’s reading by the way he softly sighed a moment before. He’d learned all the tells over the last four months.

“I may see if I can pick up a few shifts at the library,” Ezra confessed. “I’ve actually been speaking with the staff at the university library before we left. I might be able to work there from time to time as well.”

“You want to take a job on top of studying?” Anthony asked incredulously.

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to have a little extra,” Ezra replied, shifting his gaze to Anthony. “I’d feel more comfortable knowing there was something going into my account, replacing what’s being depleted.”

Anthony sat up in his seat. “Everything’s alright, though?” He asked.

Ezra smiled fondly, and Anthony’s heart did a stupid little jig. “They are, my dear. I just want to make sure they stay that way.”

 _My dear_. Anthony wasn’t sure when Ezra dropped the “fellow” when addressing him, but he wasn’t going to complain or point it out and risk it going away.

“Just… don’t worry about anything, alright. Only work if you want.” Anthony said as he eased back in his seat.

Ezra said nothing but smiled in something Anthony wanted to call fondness but didn’t dare to.

It wasn’t long after that they were getting off the train, each with a bag in hand of the clothes and things they’d need or want for the break.

“So…,” Anthony started. “Call you from time to time? Maybe see you around?” he asked, hoping not to sound too eager.

Ezra stopped and looked at Anthony with naked disguise. “You’d… you’d want to?”

Anthony frowned. “’Course I would.” He replied. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Ezra ran his free hand over his arm, looking at everything but Anthony. “Well, here you have… your friends will be back in town as well, so I had thought-”

“Yeah, all my friends are back in town. Just happens that one came home with me.” Anthony interrupted. 

Ezra’s eyes, when they went big and round and full of hope and wonder as they did now, should be classified as a weapon. In an instant, Anthony wanted to wrap him up and never let him go, do anything for him, and he knew that was a dangerous thing. Still, he basked in it.

“You… even away from school? You consider us friends even away?”

“Yeah, ‘course.” Anthony smiled.

As Ezra grinned, Anthony noticed people coming up toward them from over Ezra’s shoulder. 

Anthony’s dad, who waved like mad as if Anthony couldn’t see him twenty feet away, and an older woman who was looking at Ezra with excitement.

“Is that your…?” Anthony asked, biting his tongue before he could say something stupid, like “grandmother”. Ezra’s dad was older, it stood to reason his mum might be, too.

Ezra’s shoulders slumped. “Mum, I said I could get a cab home.” He said with fond exasperation.

“I know, but I couldn’t wait to see you,” She replied, opening her arms as she came closer. 

As she wrapped Ezra in a hug, Anthony’s Dad, came up and did the same with him.

“Seems our boys know each other,” Dad said to Ezra’s mum.

“Seems so.” She conceded with a grin.

“Anthony’s my roommate,” Ezra explained.

“Ah, I thought you looked familiar.” Dad had said, stepping away from Anthony to offer his hand to Ezra. “Tony Adams.”

“What, no ‘doctor’?” Anthony teased.

“Ezra Fell,” He introduced himself politely, taking Tony’s hand. “And you’ve met my mum, Cynthia.” He introduced the older adults who’d likely already done this song and dance, but Ezra had looked to Anthony when he spoke.

Anthony stepped up and offered his hand. “A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Fell. Ezra’s spoken a lot about you.” He said, catching a big smile on Ezra’s face in the corner of his eye and pleased he’d got it right.

~*~

His dad had been smirking since they got in the car. He didn’t even try to hide it when Anthony peeked over. In fact, he turned it toward him, smug as all hell, and Anthony grit his teeth.

“What?” He finally asked.

“You _really_ like your roommate.” His dad teased, and Anthony groaned, flopping about in the passenger seat.

“Oh, shut up about it.”

“You do. I know you, Anthony, I know how you get when you like someone. I haven’t seen you this bad since that Oscar bloke, though.”

“Funny you should mention him,” Anthony said, “Cause Ezra is _that_ Ezra.”

The smirk was gone from Tony’s face in an instant.

“Be careful,” He said.

“It’s not like they're married.” Anthony scowled, knowing exactly what his father was getting at. “According to Ezra, they aren’t even really together. And besides, why would Ezra pick me over Oscar?”

“Just because you fancied the pants off the bloke, doesn’t mean Ezra feels the same way.”

“And just because I fancy Ezra, doesn’t mean he fancies me either. It’s all a big ‘just because’. Now, can I enjoy my holiday? Or are you gonna hold this whole thing over me the whole time and torment me with it.”

His dad grimaced. “Not sure you’ll enjoy it over much even if I stop holding things over your head.”

“Oh? Jane’s family in town, are they?” Anthony asked.

“No, not quite that bad for you. More… well, your brothers are a bit… enthusiastic this year over Christmas.”

“Ah.” Anthony nodded, already planning to waste more money on petrol than he was planning to.

~A~

“Who are you texting?” Eliza asked as she passed Ezra where he stood, leaning against the kitchen counter on her way to the fridge. “You never text, least not this much.”

Ezra fought the blush and failed. “I’m talking to Anthony.” He replied. “He’s fairly big on texting.” 

Eliza smirked wickedly as she opened the fridge. “Oh? Are they naughty texts?”

“Eliza,” Cynthia said in warning from the small table they had in the kitchen these days, but without a lot of heat to it. They were adults, now, Ezra supposed. He was a bit more on his own in putting up with his sister’s hijinx.

“What?” Eliza said with all the fake innocence in the world, taking out the milk for her tea and closing the door. “Did you not know that Ezra’s roommate frequently-”

“Eliza!” Ezra snapped.

She merely smiled, probably knowing that she could tease him relentlessly about this now that they were home. He supposed he was lucky she’d waited a couple days before digging in, as it were. 

_Anthony: I’m bored. What are you up to?_

_Ezra: Being tormented by my sister, apparently_

_Anthony: you too?_

_Where do you live, btw?_

Ezra frowned, then texted his address. He didn’t want to hope that Anthony would pop over, that might be too much. But maybe he could give a sort of meeting spot, a place in between.

Eliza passed him on her way to her tea and back with the carton, all the while barely holding in some commentary or other. He rolled his eyes at her when she passed again. 

Cynthia glanced up from the newspaper, looking between them. “You two are having a very loud argument for not saying any words.”

“We aren’t arguing,” Eliza said as she picked up her mug of tea and brought it over to the table to join their mum. “I’m teasing him about the fact his roommate walks around in his skivvies, and Ezra is tetchy because he can’t deny it.”

“I can because he doesn’t.” Ezra sighed. “You’re just very fixated on that one time he happened to need to change rather quickly.”

“He was covered in paint. It was hardly an emergency.” She retorted.

“Have you seen his hair?” Ezra replied. “If the paint had dried-”

“And it was needed for him to take off his clothes?” Eliza retorted. 

“Eliza,” Cynthia sighed. “Much as I hate to be this blunt, I think perhaps you should let up on your brother and the young man he lives with and what they do or do not do given I’m not naive enough to think you haven’t had your fair share of naked men trapezing through your own flat.”

Ezra twisted his mouth in an effort not to giggle as Eliza hid her very red face in her hands. 

He checked his messages, not seeing anything from Anthony, and decided he must have gotten distracted for the time being. He finished the washing up and was drying his hands when there was a knock on the door.

He tossed the dish towel aside and ran for the door, startling both his mum and sister with the sudden speed of the movement.

Ezra beamed when he opened the door and Anthony was smiling back at him across the threshold.

“Hi,” Anthony said. “I’d say I was in the neighborhood, but that’s utter bull.” 

“Do you want to come in?” Ezra asked, stepping aside.

“I was actually wondering if you wanted to go for a drive.” 

“Well, you could come in for the time being. I’d need to get a few things.” He said, and Anthony nodded and stepped in.

Ezra led Anthony into the kitchen, and his mum smiled at them.

“Hello, again.” She greeted.

“Hello, Mrs. Fell.” He said, then smirked at Eliza. “You.”

“You’ve got clothes on, I see,” Eliza remarked.

“Yeah, funny thing that. They won’t let you out in public without them.” Anthony retorted casually as he put his hands in his pockets. Well, his fingers. Ezra wasn’t sure he could fit much else.

“I’ve just got to grab my wallet, and then I’ll get on my things and we can go,” Ezra said as he darted down the hall, the hum of conversation in the kitchen faded as he went into his room a moment.

When he came back out, he went right to the entryway, Anthony following behind.

“Be safe,” Cynthia called as they left, to which both young men shouted their affirmation, and headed out the door. 

Ezra stopped quite suddenly at the sight of the car in the drive behind his mum’s.

“Your dad let you take that for a drive?” Ezra asked, pointing at what he assumed was a vintage black car.

Anthony frowned. “Well, yeah, it’s my car.”

Ezra blinked. “Y-you have a vintage car?” And then before Anthony could answer, asked, “Why did you not have it at school?”

Anthony looked at him aghast. “Not risking idiots near my car.” He said, moving to the driver’s side, and prompting Ezra to get in the passenger side.

Inside the car was very clearly not vintage. There were seat belts, for one. A very modern looking stereo was in the dash, and something about the upholstery didn’t seem right. 

As Anthony closed the door, he gestured about the inside. “Bloke dad bought it from for me said the interior was shot. Mostly just a shell, really. He could have restored it, but it had been a relative’s or someone he hadn’t cared much for, and he just wanted it gone. So, he modernized it, made it street safe and all, but not many people wanted it. Tend to go for vintage look when the inside matches, but yeah know, I kinda liked it.” He said fondly as he looked around the insides.

“And you make fun of my favoring the classics.” Ezra teased, getting a grin out of his friend.

“Difference between favoring and happening to like the aesthetic.” Anthony retorted before he put the keys in the ignition and started the engine. It was much quieter than Ezra expected. “So, anywhere you happen to want to go?” Anthony asked.

“I haven’t a preference,” Ezra replied, merely happy to be in Anthony’s space again.

And he was quite happy he realized. Much more than he had thought he would be, far more than he would if this thing he had sitting in his chest was just a simple crush. 

~*~

They’d been driving around looking at the holiday decor for about an hour. Ezra had mentioned he used to do it with his parents, and then his mum when he was younger, and Anthony thought it’d be a unique experience.

“My dad mighta done when I was younger, pre-Jane.” Anthony had said when they’d gotten started. “Jane’s not big on holidays, though. Didn’t want to raise her kids with it, so we didn’t do the whole… thing.”

They’d stopped for coffee and cocoa, and talked about their various experiences as they drove around town, snow lightly falling and making things utterly picturesque.

“Dinner is always a gamble,” Anthony told Ezra after he’d said his family always had something traditional, if not scaled down. “Dad can’t cook worth a damn, so if Jane’s not home we usually get takeaway. If Jane _is_ home, there’s a chance her family will be there. And her family… they don’t like me.”

“How could that be possible?” Ezra asked because it was something they couldn’t fathom.

Anthony shrugged. “I’m not their family. I’m… Neil and me, we look alike. Except the eyes. Eyes are a big thing with Jane’s family, they unsettle them. I’m quite a bit older than Chrissy, so they weren’t around when I was little. They try to be open, try to be progressive, but they have an easier time accepting Jane and dad’s open marriage than the fact I’m bi. Jane’s not as bad as them, it’s not like I grew up oppressed and feeling out of place. But she and I never connected, so she doesn’t try overmuch to defend me to her family.”

“I’m terribly sorry,” Ezra said, genuinely meaning it, but Anthony shrugged.

“That bit I blame mum for. Because she was never really around, but when she was, she made sure everyone knew that _she_ was mum, not someone else.”

Ezra was about to ask a bit more about her when Anthony’s phone rang. 

He groaned in frustration. “Can you get that, angel?” he said, gesturing to where his mobile was sitting in between the seats.

“So you’ll drink coffee and drive, but not answer your phone?” Ezra teased as he reached for the mobile.

“I don’t need to pull my eyes away from the road for coffee,” Anthony retorted as Ezra answered the phone.

“Hello.” He greeted.

“Oh,” Oscar’s voice replied. “I…, sorry, Ezra. I’d meant to call Anthony.”

“You did,” Ezra replied merrily. “He asked me to answer it for him, hold on.” He pulled the phone away, and after a moment, found the speakerphone button and held it between him and Anthony. “He can hear you now, Oscar.”

“Oscar!” Anthony exclaimed in voice alone, his face expressionless. “You home?”

“Yeah….” Oscar replied in deep confusion. “Are you… driving? Did you… you were supposed to be home days ago, did you bring your car to Oxford?”

“No, no,” Anthony replied. “Just out for a little spin is all, killing time.”

“… with… Ezra?”

Anthony glanced at Ezra at the same moment Ezra glanced at him, both appearing just as confused as the other as to why Oscar was so confused by this.

“Yeah,” Anthony replied, focusing on the road. “Why?”

“…. No reason.” Oscar replied. “I just… was curious if you wanted to do something later.”

Ezra watched Anthony grimace, shifting nervously in his seat. His hands shifted on the steering wheel and moved his head as if to crack his neck.

“You can drop me off back home if you’d like.” Ezra offered. “That way you and Oscar can get together.”

“Well, what about you?” Anthony asked.

Ezra shrugged. “I suppose I’ll get on fine on my own. I usually do.” He offered a smile. “But you two haven’t seen each other in months.”

“Well, yeah, but… neither have _you_ two.” Anthony countered. “And… aren’t you… you know….”

“Call this progressive thinking,” Oscar cut in. “But maybe, and this is just a thought, the three of us could do something together. We are all friends, right? Or did you two just miss being near each other to ignore one another.”

“You never told him?” Anthony whispered.

“I thought you would.” Ezra countered just as quietly.

“Hello?” Oscar spoke up.

“Right, yes. Sure. I’ll pop round yours… pick you up.” Anthony said. “Be there in a bit.” Ezra took that as his cue to hang up, and then put the phone back where it was before. “Well, that’ll be a thing,” Anthony said.

“I can go home.” Ezra volunteered. “You two are far closer than we are, or I am with Oscar. I’ll be the one intruding.”

Anthony shifted again. “I’ll pick him up and drop you off if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want to get in the way,” Ezra said again. 

“You’re never in the way,” Anthony replied, and Ezra almost believed him.

~C~

Ezra had gone home, much to Anthony’s disappointment. He dropped him back off, promising to call or text later. Oscar got a promise to see Ezra soon, sometime before they all went back, and that was that. 

Anthony had always loved having Oscar alone in his car. It always felt like more than what it was. A sort of intimacy Anthony could never put words to. For reasons he could never explain, he always felt like the chance for more had a probability of happening there in the front seat of his Bentley than his or Oscar’s bedrooms. 

But now it felt somehow wrong to have Oscar there in the front, and the most perverse part was because it felt to Anthony like one or both of them were betraying Ezra somehow.

“Why didn’t you tell me you two were friends?” Oscar asked with found exasperation after a long period of silence. “It’s what I had been hoping for.”

“Dunno,” Anthony replied with a shrug. “Suppose we probably just thought the other said something. I mean, you two were sorta… not together, but there was an understanding, wasn’t there?”

“There _was_ hope,” Oscar replied. “Seemed rather eager to get away from me there, though.”

Anthony didn’t know what to say to that, mostly because he didn’t understand Ezra’s hasty retreat himself.

~*~

It bothered him still days later, as Christmas came and went, and the lull between it and the new year came upon them. It was late at night, far too late for him to think about texting anyone else. But he noted there were times where Ezra was either still awake in the wee hours of the morning or the book he’d been reading when Anthony fell asleep had been read through quite thoroughly by morning. 

So he picked up his phone, and sent a very quick, _are you awake_ text.

Barely a minute passed before he got back a _yes_.

So he rang.

And Ezra answered immediately.

“It’s unlike you to still be awake at this hour,” Ezra said as he answered, and Anthony thrilled at that.

“Can’t sleep.” He replied with a sigh. 

“Also not like you,” Ezra teased gently. “Something on your mind?”

He thought to ask him over the phone but didn’t know how to ask without blurting it. “You wanna go for a drive?”

“At one in the morning?” Ezra asked, but it wasn’t a no.

“Why the hell not?” Anthony asked with a smirk. 

After a few seconds, Ezra replied. “Alright. I’ll wait for you outside.”

“Be about ten minutes tops,” Anthony replied before hanging up, hurriedly changing out of his pajama bottoms and into some denims. 

It had only been about seven minutes by the time he pulled up outside the Fells, but Ezra was standing at the end of the drive anyway. He moved around to the passenger side, climbed in, and then turned to Anthony with a grin.

“I’ve never snuck out of the house.” He said a bit gleefully. “Was never out past curfew, certainly never snuck out to meet anyone.” 

“I’m corrupting you,” Anthony smirked. 

“Perhaps you are,” Ezra replied. “Anywhere in particular you wanted to go?”

“No,” Anthony said and then started driving. 

They made their way down the nearly empty streets, the radio being the only noise in the car for the longest time. Eventually, Anthony made his way to his old Secondary, pulling into the empty lot and parking but leaving the engine running.

“Couldn’t wait to leave here.” He said with a gesture to the building. 

“I had the same feeling about my school,” Ezra said, leaning forward a bit and peeking through the windshield. “Odd place to go in the middle of the night.” He said as he leaned back.

“I never asked why you were awake,” Anthony said, a terrible lead into a conversation, but it was a start. 

“I get insomnia,” Ezra replied with a sigh. “I do have medication for it, but I feel dreadful in the morning. I’ve only taken it at school on Friday nights because at least Saturdays I know I can sleep in.”

“You take a job around campus, that might not always be the case.” Anthony pointed out.

“It may not be, but I’m sure I’ll figure something out.” Ezra shrugged. “What had you up?”

Anthony looked out the windshield, “You see Oscar? Since we were all together?”

“For a few hours on Christmas eve,” Ezra replied, and the very idea of it had Anthony whipping his head back toward Ezra. “We… I suppose if you had to label it, it might have been a date.”

“ _Might_ have been?” Anthony smirked.

Ezra huffed, darting glances at Anthony. “The last time we went out, before Oxford, he’d kissed me at the end. He didn’t this time.”

“He probably thought to let you take the lead, there.” Anthony shrugged.

“I suppose he probably did.” Ezra conceded. 

Anthony waited for a beat before asking. “So why didn’t you?”

Ezra looked at him for a long moment. “I don’t think I really know.” He admitted. 

“Do you… like kissing him?” Anthony hedged.

“I suppose,” Ezra replied. “It’s pleasant enough.”

“Pleasant enough. Oscar’s getting raving reviews from you.”

“And I suppose you’d say he’s quite good?” Ezra teased.

“I wouldn’t know,” Anthony confessed. 

“Oh,” Ezra tensed, turning red, looking away.

“Why were you in such a rush the other day,” Anthony said quite suddenly, losing all finesse in fear that somehow he cocked up the conversation with honesty. “When Oscar came around? Why’d you go?”

Ezra looked back at him. “I didn’t want to be in the way.” He replied.

Anthony snorted. “You realize if anyone was the gooseberry in that equation, it’s me.” 

“I don’t think so,” Ezra grinned. “You two have been friends for a long time. I’d guess about five years, since that’s how long I’ve lived here, and you said Oscar moved here the same time I had. I’ve only known Oscar for a couple, and most of that time he’s been away. I’ve known you for mere months. It was bound to get to a point in the conversation where things would veer toward the familiar, and when that happened, it wasn’t hard to figure out who would be excluded. I thought I would play it safe.”

Anthony blinked, trying to find a flaw in Ezra’s logic.

“I… I mean, yeah. We… we did start talking about our friends, people we knew. But, ya know, we also talked about school and stuff. And… you.” He figured that might as well be said, in case Oscar mentioned it.

“Me?” Ezra replied. “What… do I want to know?”

Anthony chuckled. “Wasn’t anything bad, angel.” He assured. “Just, yeah. So… next time, I mean. Don’t… don’t run off.”

Ezra nodded slowly. “I’ll try not to.” He replied, and Anthony only hoped he meant it.

~A~

“Are you eager to head back?” Oscar asked as he and Ezra enjoyed a sushi dinner together. 

It was Ezra’s last night in town, and while he hadn’t been avoiding him exactly, it _was_ the first time they had been together since the possible date before Christmas.

Ezra swallowed, and while reaching for his green tea replied, “In a way.” He took a sip, then added, “I did so love the classes. I sort of miss having the particular type of mental stimulation, the debates that could occur and such.”

“But then you’ll also be back to having to share a space with someone,” Oscar guessed before picking up a piece of roll with his chopsticks. 

Ezra blushed. “Actually, that’s another point I’m looking forward to. Basically, the only disappointing aspects of returning to campus is the lack of delicious food, and having to walk to the shops.” He said as he bowed his head over his own platter.

When Oscar didn’t say anything for quite some time, Ezra peeked up at him to see the frown.

“I….” Oscar started. Then with a chuckle, he said, “I feel very out of the loop between you two.” He confessed.

“How so?” Ezra asked, setting down his chopsticks.

Oscar did the same. “It’s just… when I talked to you in the beginning of the year, it was very much stilted answers when it came to Anthony, which gave me the impression you only tolerated him. Which, I get, I would have completely understood, because you are quiet, and you’re shy, where Anthony is very much not. And Anthony seemed… well, he seemed to not like you all that much. He was very standoffish when it came to you.”

“Well,” Ezra said thoughtfully. “I can’t fault him for that. He seems to have feelings for you, and I was the one you chose, for lack of better word.”

Saying it out loud made Ezra want to squirm for far too many reasons. Anthony having feelings for Oscar, for one, which was a bit of a sore spot that Ezra didn’t want to poke at too hard. Oscar having chosen Ezra, making Anthony unhappy, easier to look at when only done so through the lens of a friend. And then, the same point from the other angle, Oscar having chosen Ezra, and Ezra no longer sure if he was worthy of being chosen. Not with the Anthony shaped mark making itself bigger on his heart.

His mind drifted to their middle of the night car ride, though it was more of a park than anything. After the initial conversation circling around Ezra’s current dining companion, they laughed and carried on about their families and the things that happened over the holidays they hadn’t already texted about. They spoke of some of the things that they would do when they returned to campus, Anthony having coaxed out a tentative promise from Ezra to go to a party with him sometime, and Ezra having convinced Anthony that maybe they could go to a museum that dealt more in science and nature instead of art. They’d stayed together until they figured it was best to head home, lest Anthony burn through petrol keeping the car warm, or someone passes them by and think them up to no good. 

Somehow, after Anthony had dropped him off with a promise to text when he was home safe, Ezra felt very much like he’d been floating. He damn near swooned when he got the text of _home safe, goodnight angel_. 

Which was when he realized he was probably attaching far too much sentiment to their friendship, but couldn’t bring himself to back off in any way. He’d rather live with the overblown infatuation than risk losing one of the only good friends he’d ever made.

“It doesn’t explain how you two suddenly seem to be… I don’t know, best mates?”

Ezra shrugged. “I suppose… well, back in October there was a night when we got… drunk.”

“Drunk?” Oscar repeated, disbelieving.

“Yes,” Ezra smirked as he recalled. “We most certainly did.”

“And… that helped?”

“Well, as you said, I’m shy. I don’t know how to talk to people, and people like Anthony tend to intimidate me for no reason other than he seems so socially ahead of me. But he brought the cider back to our dorm, handed me a drink, and told me when he first met you. That sort of started… everything.”

Oscar blinked, then looked down at his roll. “So… you bonded over me?” He questioned in confusion.

“Oh, no. I would say you were merely the hopping off point. While, admittedly, Anthony and I don’t have a lot in common, there’s enough overlap that we can talk about just about anything for hours. Plus we can debate with each other. Once we got past that initial hesitation, we bonded spectacularly.”

“I suppose I should be pleased, my friend and my….”

Ezra knew Oscar wanted him to fill in the blank, and he knew what with, but it didn’t feel right to him. “He and I talked about the next opportunity the three of us have to spend time together,” Ezra said instead, resting a hand on Oscar’s in reassurance. “I’ll not flee next time.”

Oscar’s mouth twisted, but he nodded all the same. Seeming to decide this was as far as the conversation would get in any direction.

When he brought Ezra home that night, he’d kissed him. Gentle, just a touch above chaste, but didn’t push for more even when Ezra briefly kissed back.

Which was a good thing, because when Ezra had kissed back, someone very much not Oscar slipped into his mind.

And if he happened to spend the night doing the last of his packing while talking to Anthony and very much not talking about Oscar, their date, the kiss, or the questions he’d asked, it didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean anything at all.

At least, that’s what Ezra tried to tell himself. He should have known better, he was never very good at lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working toward giving this one an ending it deserves, while telling the story as briefly as possible. There will be longer waits between updates though, as real life is being a massive jerk. I will try to get it out within the week though. Still not sure how many chapters this will be.


	9. ...Tony raised Anthony pt 3

The rest of their first year went by relatively quickly. Ezra had gotten a job in the campus library, working a couple of shifts a week. Anthony would be there most of the time at the end of it, walking with him back to their dorms, the two chatting about their days. During their holiday breaks, they would find themselves drifting to one of their houses or the other, becoming more acquainted with each other’s families. 

So, when the end of the year loomed, and preparation for the following began, there was really only one question on Anthony’s mind.

“Do you want to room together again next year?”

Ezra looked up at him from his tea and pastry, a small habit they got into over the weekends in the last few weeks. 

“Do you?” He hedged, but Anthony spoke Ezra these days, at least to some degree. 

“I wouldn’t ask, if I didn’t want to,” Anthony replied, barely able to keep himself from smirking in utter fondness because somebody help him, he’d just fallen further and further into the deep end when it came to Ezra. “If I wanted someone else, I would have just quietly put in a request for one of my classmates and be done with it. But, I wanted to make sure-”

Ezra was blushing, “I may have already filled mine out and stated no changes needed to be made with where or who I was living with.”

Anthony didn’t hold back the smile this time. “Brilliant,” he beamed. “I’m just… yeah, gonna… go get another… yeah.” He got up, heading for the counter so he could scream and dance and do a jig in his head. He breathed out a long sigh of relief, thanking the forces of whatever that Ezra wanted to continue this next year. 

Yes, they were friends and had already been loosely talking about what they wanted to do during the summer together, but there was always a possibility that Ezra would prefer someone else. Maybe someone who wasn’t so unapologetically comfortable in their own skin, or who had a few more interests in common with him. Maybe he would have preferred a straight man or even a woman instead.

But nope, he wanted Anthony. And if only that were true in every sense.

He headed to the counter, got in line, was just thinking of how great the day was when the bloke in front of him turned around and smiled his stupid smile.

“Hey Anthony,” Gabriel said, louder than needed and with far too much cheer. 

“Gabe,” He said as politely as possible.

Gabriel looked around the cafe then stopped and stared. Anthony frowned, then looked around to see what caught Gabriel’s attention. When he didn’t spot anything so obvious, he turned back around, seeing the counter clear.

“Mate,” Anthony got his attention, pointing ahead, and getting Gabriel to move.

When it was Anthony’s turn, he ordered his drink, a second one for Ezra, and then stepped aside to wait for them. He glanced down the other end where the fancier drinks were made, and noticed Gabriel anstily waiting, glancing over at the seating area every few seconds.

Anthony frowned, looking again, catching Ezra’s eye and smiling back at him. Then their drinks were ready, and he grabbed the cups and headed over to their table.

Just as Gabriel made a beeline for it as well.

“Hi,” Gabriel said to Ezra.

“Uh, hello,” Ezra replied shyly. 

“I’m Gabriel Haven,” He said, setting his cup down on the table and sliding into Anthony’s empty chair.

He didn’t quite know how to react. The confidence in the move was impressive, considering there was an empty plate across from Ezra, as well as an empty cup still sitting there. It was also completely rude because _clearly,_ Ezra hadn’t been alone.

The blonde frowned at the man across from him, clearly torn between berating him the rudeness and not wanting to be rude himself and not return the introduction.

“Oi, Gabe,” Anthony said, saving Ezra the trouble of choosing which etiquette to follow. “You’re in my spot.”

Gabriel looked at him, to the table, to Ezra, back to Anthony. 

“Oh.” He said, not moving.

“You know what, s’ fine,” Anthony said, dragging out the last word. He set the cups down, went to the nearby empty table, snagged a chair, and plopped it down next to Ezra. 

Ezra watched him with bemusement and he slithered into the chair, grabbing a cup and taking a sip, instantly losing and all cool-factor when he grimaced. It was Ezra’s tea, not his coffee, and the blonde giggled mercilessly as he swapped the cups out.

Unfortunately, that only made Gabriel appear more smitten with him.

“I’m Ezra Fell,” he said to Gabriel.

“You and Anthony know each other?” He asked, gesturing between the two of them.

“We’re roommates,” Ezra replied with a nod, and Anthony scowled at how simplistic that sounded. They were very much more than roommates, thanks very much. 

Gabriel beamed. “You’re lucky to have a roommate you like. Can be tricky.”

“Yes, we’ll be sharing again next year as well.” Ezra conceded. 

“Well since you and Anthony know each other, it’s a bit less weird if I ask you to come to my dorm’s party this Friday. A sort of last ‘hoorah’ before we all go back home for the summer.”

“Oh… I don’t know.” Ezra began, and Anthony lit up.

“You owe me.” He said, having Ezra frown at him. “Christmas, we said more things outside the dorm. You agreed to a party, we still have not gone.”

“Oh,” Ezra said miserably. “I was hoping you’d forgotten.”

“Well, I didn’t,” Anthony replied, and Ezra sighed again.

He looked at Gabriel. “I suppose if Anthony has an invitation, I’ll be there as well.”

“Great,” Gabriel beamed, getting up from his seat. “Just, fantastic. I will see you there. Just, you know, come find me and all.” He got up, walking to the cafe doors with a strut, throwing a smile over his shoulder at Ezra and giving a wave.

Anthony didn’t move from back to his original chair.

“He was hitting on you.” He said, just in case Ezra didn’t realize that.

“He was?” Ezra replied, sounding far more surprised than he should. “Whatever for?”

Anthony sputtered. “Are you fishing for compliments?” He asked with a grin.

“No,” Ezra frowned. “I genuinely don’t understand why he would do such a thing.” 

Anthony’s eyebrows went high, his eyes wide. “You don’t understand? Really?”

“I could understand if he was here to hit on _you_ ,” Ezra said with an eye roll. “He’s pretty… like this cartoon character from a movie I don’t recall the name of.”

“Kronk,” Anthony supplied.

“Yes, that sounds about right. But, well….”

“Don’t,” Anthony cut in. “Don’t say he’s too pretty for you or some rot. You had Oscar pining after you for years.”

“Which is just as inconceivable, I’m not much of a catch,” Ezra said as if stating the weather. “I’m soft and bookish, and not someone people tend to go after. I’m used to it, dear, it’s a mere fact of my life.”

“You’ve only just turned nineteen.”

“Which means I’ve set my expectations low at an early enough age where I can’t be too terribly disappointed,” Ezra said pragmatically, and Anthony wanted to throttle him.

“You’re bloody gorgeous, you idiot.” He grumbled.

“Kind of you to say,” Ezra replied with a light blush. “But when compared to you, I’m below plain. It’s fine. Now, about this party….”

~A~

It was a mistake.

Yes, he owed Anthony a bit of a debt, and he would always pay his debts, but for heaven’s sake, this was a terrible mistake.

The music was loud, terrible, Ezra could barely understand how people enjoyed it. There was dancing, or at least that’s what people called it. It looked more like people trying to shake bees out of their clothing than anything. It was also rather generous to call what about half the people were wearing clothing and not simply under things or bathing costumes. Which he knew wasn’t fair, and if Eliza had heard him say anything like that she’d show him what for, but the reaction was made worse by the fact he felt entirely out of place.

Gabriel had found him early, pulled him away from Anthony, and then proceeded to try and coax him into the supposed dancing that was happening. And when Ezra steadfastly refused, he then gave him a drink and seemed to ask for Ezra’s life story. At least before he was pulled away by someone else, leaving Ezra alone in a room full of people he didn’t know or barely knew, unsure where Anthony had gone, and hoping that at some point he could escape without having to move through the press of people.

When he felt a hand on his, making to grab it, Ezra nearly yanked it away before it gripped him firmer and caught his attention.

It was Anthony, and while he didn’t say a word, his face unreadable, he gestured toward what was possibly the door, and Ezra went willingly. 

Nothing was said as Anthony led him up the stairs, climbing ever higher. There was a bag slung over his shoulder, a large canvas one from the local grocers, and there appeared to be a blanket stuffed in it. If Ezra strained, he could hear what sounded like liquid sloshing in a bottle as well. Still, he didn’t ask, not even when Anthony led him up to the roof of the building.

“It doesn’t lock,” he said as they emerged on the roof, the late evening clear and dry. “Asked around, lots of people come up here during the year, so they never bothered locking it. Rail’s too high for people to climb, so,” Anthony shrugged.

“Why are we up here, though?” Ezra asked as Anthony moved a bit away from the door, seeming to find a spot he deemed good next to a vent. 

Anthony set down the bag, pulling out the blanket and tossing it over his shoulder before pulling out a second one. He spread that one out, then sat down on it.

“You weren’t having fun, and Gabriel will likely follow you around like a dog if we stayed. We leave, well, then I feel as though you might think you still have to hold your end of the bargain. This way,” He said, tossing the second blanket aside before reaching in the bag and pulling out a cheap bottle of red wine. “We’re still drinking the supplied alcohol, we’re still at the dorm, and if we listen,” he said, gesturing to the vent, “We can still hear the party. But, we’re not there. Plus, we’re likely not to be alone up here the whole time.”

Ezra pursed his lips, hating that Anthony knew him so well all while loving it at the same time. He moved to the vent, sitting down on the blanket next to Anthony, He could hear the party faintly as the sound made its way up along with a bit of hot air from a source Ezra couldn’t pinpoint. 

“No glasses,” He stated as Anthony deftly unscrewed the cap.

“Don’t need them,” Anthony said as he took a swig from the bottle before handing it to Ezra.

“Suppose not,” Ezra agreed, taking the bottle and having a drink. It wasn’t the best vintage, but he didn’t expect much. “You could go back if you want.” He said as he handed the bottle to Anthony. “You shouldn’t let me stop you from having fun.”

“I am having fun, angel.” He replied. “Might come as a bit of a shock, but I like spending time with you.” He added with a smirk.

Ezra fought back a blush. “Well, it just so happens I like spending time with you, too.” He smiled as Anthony took another drink. “But I suppose the summer will be tricky for all that.”

“What, you mean because of all the dates you and Oscar will be having?” Anthony asked as he took another drink before handing the bottle back to Ezra.

He groaned as he took the bottle, and Anthony’s eyebrows slowly climbed higher.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” he asked as Ezra took a drink.

“It means that I’ve been doing a terrible amount of thinking on the point since the Christmas hols.” He said before taking another drink.

Anthony frowned, “You haven’t said anything.” He said gently.

“I didn’t know how to bring it up,” Ezra confessed as he handed over the bottle. “Even the nights we talked about Oscar, I just… I couldn’t.”

“You did seem off, but I thought maybe you just missed him.” Anthony conceded with a shrug, taking another drink.

“I do, I suppose.” Ezra agreed, gesturing for the bottle and glad when Anthony handed it back over. He took another drink, starting to feel the effects of their current drink mix with the one he’d had earlier. “It’s just I don’t miss him the way I think I should.”

That was the absolute truth and something he had done a lot of thinking on. Oscar was wonderful, clever, beautiful in every way. And Ezra knew he was lucky to have such a man pay him any attention, let alone have him consistently return to him despite not having a promise of anything. It’s just that he hardly ever entered Ezra’s mind as more than a friendly, fleeting thought. 

As the year neared its end, he had found himself worrying more about being able to continue to see Anthony over the summer than he was eager to see Oscar again. 

He had fallen hard for his roommate, his infatuation gleefully progressing well past deep crush into love, rooting itself deeply and taking hold. Ezra still hadn’t decided if this was made better or more crushing by the fact that Anthony could, in theory, be available to him if he wasn’t so “out of his league” as they say.

Anthony looked at him for a long time before he very gently said, “You don’t owe him, you know?” When Ezra looked up, Anthony met his gaze. “You don’t owe him a date, or anything. If you don’t want to, then don’t. Just because he waited, just because he damn near loves you, it doesn’t mean you _have_ to date him. Even if _you_ love him, it doesn’t mean you _have_ to.”

“I know,” Ezra replied, handing the bottle over.

“I’m just reminding you,” Anthony said as he took the bottle back, bringing it to his mouth and then aborting the action. “Seriously, I don’t… you shouldn’t… fuck, you shouldn’t bloody _groan_ at the thought of seeing someone like that. It should be… fun, and exciting. Hell, you should be bouncing about, eager to get back to them. Just… do you want me to tell him? When we get back? Do you want me to tell him to back the fuck off?”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Ezra said fondly. “He’s persistent, yes. But he’s never pushed for more than I was willing to give.” And then as Anthony took a drink, added. “Which is to say, if you’re saying all this in hopes for your own chance, I’d hold you no ill will.”

Anthony spluttered, pounding his chest as he coughed against his arm, his leather coat ineffectual at stopping the wine from dripping down his chin. Grabbing the corner of the blanket, Anthony wiped his mouth while giving one, final, clearing cough, then handed the bottle to Ezra.

“I don’t want a chance.” He said, which surprised Ezra enough he nearly dropped the bottle.

“You don’t?” He asked.

Anthony looked at him and shook his head. “I don’t want Oscar anymore. I mean, I did, at the beginning of the year, but… you know when we got back at Christmas I found… I found that my thing for him had finally gone. Just… gone.”

“What changed?” Ezra asked.

Anthony looked away. “Realized that… it was better. Just, better.” He didn’t continue, so Ezra took a drink of the wine and handed him the bottle.

“I feel almost guilty, us both breaking his heart.”

Anthony scoffed. “His heart wouldn’t be broken over my lost love, angel.” He smirked before taking a drink of the wine.

“I don’t know why,” Ezra said without thinking. “You’re worth the broken heart.”

Anthony’s smirk fell for a moment, and every nerve in Ezra’s body began to hum with the wild charge of anticipation. A heaviness lingered between them, weighted with all the things they weren’t saying, and for the first time in his life, he desperately wanted to kiss someone else. 

Then the door to the roof slammed open, and a group of people came up, setting up a spot in another spot a ways away.

Anthony grinned, shrugging one shoulder. “See? Party’s up here too.”

“I suppose it is.” Ezra grinned back, wondering if perhaps those people just saved him from making a complete idiot of himself.

“Oi,” Anthony called the others, getting to his feet, “You lot got an extra pillow or something we can snag?”

~*~  
  


His back hurt. His neck wasn’t doing much better. His head, at least, was only mildly uncomfortable, but that could be because the body can only really manage one ache at a time, and his back was begging all the attention. Ezra cracked his eyes open, noting the dull gray sky above, signaling the end of the bright, sunny days they’d been enjoying, but that rain wasn’t going to be a pressing concern.

Thank heavens for the pillow Anthony had pilfered from the other group, though he had to wonder how many rooms had been raided to gather as many as they had. As it was, Ezra had no idea where either of the blankets Anthony had brought came from. He was grateful for those, too, in the moment. The one he was laying on was probably the only thing keeping his body from the chill of the roof, even if barely. But overall, Ezra wasn’t cold.

How could he be? He had Anthony draped over him like a blanket, and then the second blanket on top of him.

Ezra remembered them pressed together as the night dragged on, the second bottle of wine coming out of the bag when the first one was done. He remembered the pilfered pillow being the cushion they pressed the backs to as they continued to talk the night away as if the interrupted moment never happened. Eventually, they were drunk enough that neither of them wanted to stumble back to their own dorm, so they shimmied into a lying position and got ready to hunker down for the night. 

“Can I lay on you?” Anthony had asked with a slur. “Always look so bloody cuddly.”

“Go on,” Ezra had said, aiming for exasperation but probably sounding far too fond for it to have worked.

And there he’d stayed with his head pillowed on Ezra’s chest. And Ezra, without thinking in his groggy, half-awake state, reached up and began petting Anthony’s hair, playing with the strands that came loose from his bun.

He groaned, and Ezra stilled a moment.

“S nice, angel,” Anthony said, snuggling in a bit more, sounding more asleep than awake, and would likely fall back into in a moment. So, Ezra resumed, painfully aware his heart was well and truly taken, likely never to be given back, and all he’d probably have were these small, stolen moments he could keep for himself.

~C~

_You’re worth the broken heart_.

Anthony carried that with him the last couple weeks of school, and well into the summer. With every cuddle (because _that_ was a thing they did now), with every moment in his car, with every moment spent in Ezra’s company, those words rattled around his head and heart.

He’d no idea what to do with them after he came as close as he could manage to tell Ezra the reason he was over Oscar was because he’d met him. He barely managed to compose himself when he realized the moment Ezra had said “you’re worth the broken heart” had hung heavy with expectation and possibilities. And while another moment like it had yet to occur, Anthony never stopped trying to find one. 

They were currently on the beach, a rare day where they were both off from the respective summer jobs, and that happened to coincide with Oscar and his mates having a day off as well. 

Anthony hadn’t missed how they were more excited to see Ezra than him, which he supposed was alright because they probably all knew Oscar had been hoping he and Ezra would become official. 

“He’s been asking, you know,” Anthony told Ezra from where they lounged beneath Ezra’s beach umbrella. 

The rest were at the water, either splashing in the surf or deeper in for a swim. Anthony and Ezra stayed back, mostly because Ezra hadn’t felt comfortable enough to go in the water just yet, but also because (at least for Anthony) lounging under an umbrella on a blanket, his head pillowed on Ezra’s leg, and simply being in one another’s presence was infinitely more appealing than getting wet and possibly cold.

“Asking what, dear?” Ezra replied, not looking up from his book.

“Why you’re avoiding him? If you’re shy, just not sure how to say you’re not ready for some things.”

Ezra sighed, turning the page in his book. “I know.” He said softly. “I’d had a feeling he would, seeing as how I manage to find myself completely occupied when he comes to the library. I’m sure he’s curious as to what’s going on but…” Ezra lowered his book, then looked down at Anthony plaintively. “I don’t want to lose the first real friend I’ve ever made.”

“Hey,” Anthony said gently, reaching up and snatching Ezra’s hand. “You won’t lose him. Oscar won’t walk away from you just because you don’t want to be romantic with him.”

Ezra squeezed his hand, “I do hope you’re right. I know I should just tell him, but I’m… I’m nervous.”

Anthony smirked, “more nervous than you are over getting a tattoo?”

“Oh, I’m not nervous about that at all,” Ezra said as he put his book down, though Anthony didn’t see if or how he’d have marked his spot. “I’m actually quite excited for that. The piece you drew me was lovely.”

“It was rather simple. Though, I’m surprised you picked the one with the angel wings.” He said with a smirk. 

“How could I not? The books and teacup were lovely, of course, but the wings….” Ezra blushed, smiling shyly. “You gave me the nickname, and you designed the art. The angel wings felt like the right option.”

“Right option for what?” Oscar asked, startling them both enough to twitch, their hands pulling at each other but not coming apart.

“My tattoo,” Ezra said cheerfully.

“Oh, not you, too.” Oscar groused teasingly as he sat down in front of them. “You know those are permanent, right?”

Ezra rolled his eyes but was smiling. “Yes, I do. It’s why I had Anthony draw it for me, telling him what I wanted.”

“You’ve corrupted him,” Oscar smirked at Anthony.

“Oi, have not.” Anthony retorted, then added, “much,” to Ezra’s amusement. 

“In Anthony’s defense, while his tattoo made me appreciate the art form more, it was seeing some of the others around Oxford that made me realize that I would greatly like one,” Ezra said, looking between the two of them. “It’ll be small, and on my back just at my shoulder.”

“Well, I suppose as long as it won’t take up your torso,” Oscar smirked. 

“My tattoo is awesome,” Anthony said petulantly, sitting up and taking off the sleeveless shirt he’d been wearing to show off the snake. He gestured to it, looking between Oscar and Ezra, focusing more and more on Ezra as Anthony noted him looking appreciatively. 

“It’s lovely,” Ezra agreed, staring at it. And then cheekily added, “Eliza still hasn’t decided if it ups your appeal or dampens it.”

“What do you think, angel?” Anthony asked without thinking.

“Oh, I would say it certainly doesn’t hurt,” Ezra replied, also seemingly without thinking if the way he turned red and fiddled with his hands were any indication.

“I think that a tattoo should mean something if you’re going to have something as part of you forever,” Oscar said, looking over Anthony’s tattoo as one might a canvas in a gallery.

“It means I like snakes.” Anthony shrugged. “That I miss the pet snake I had as a kid, and that I share eyes with a badass creature.” He stated with a nod.

“Yes, well, how about you, your ‘badass’ creature, and Ezra come join the lot of us in the water?” Oscar suggested, getting up from the blanket. “Violet is starting to get a bit mean about your lack of participation.”

“Oh yeah, what she saying then,” Anthony said with a tilt of his head toward the water where the others were, hands already going to the buttons on his shorts.

Oscar grew uncomfortable. “You don’t want to know.”

“Could go find out,” Anthony said. “Meet you there.” 

Oscar nodded, hesitated, then headed to the water.

Anthony looked at Ezra. “Coming?”

Ezra cringed. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Anthony asked in concern. “Can you not swim?”

“Oh, I can,” Ezra replied. “Just… well I’m not,” He looked down, and Anthony understood.

“Don’t worry about what they think. Or you can go in with your shirt if you want.” 

Ezra gave him a disapproving look before turning to the water and sighing. “I should just get on with it.”

“That’s the spirit!” Anthony crowed before resuming work on his shorts.

“You hair, my dear.” Ezra said, reaching for one of the long, loose locks.”

Anthony shrugged, “It’s gonna get wet anyway.” He said as he got to his feet, tossing his shorts aside so he was just in his swim trunks. He looked over his shoulder as Ezra got up, going for the buttons of his own shorts, putting them aside with Anthony’s once they were off. He hesitated again, then looked to Anthony who could only give an encouraging smile.

Ezra peeled off his shirt, and Anthony stared.

His brain had suddenly realized that this was the most skin he’d seen on Ezra ever. Short sleeves at night time were a thing, of course. He’d seen Ezra’s back, once, the day he gave away his backpack, but this was so much skin. The shorts had been borderline indecent for Ezra but this? So much soft torso. His chest and upper arms were surprisingly muscular, or at least more toned than they felt beneath Anthony’s head. His stomach was less so, but that didn’t make Ezra less attractive in any way. 

But, he clearly thought so as he put a hand protectively around his middle.

It snapped Anthony out of his observation.

“You have no idea how much I want to cuddle up to you right now.” He confessed, willing any physical indication of the truth behind that statement to kindly sod off for the time being. 

Ezra gave the very barest quirk of the lip. “The cushion?” He guessed.

“The skin!” Anthony replied gently prying Ezra’s arm away from his middle, loosely holding him around the wrist and guiding him away from their spot and toward the water. “You’re always cozy and warm, but all that skin?”

Ezra giggled a little. “You really are quite snake-like, aren’t you?” He said as they edged toward the water.

Anthony gave a playful hiss before it turned into something more real, the water washing over his toes and causing him to do a little hop.

Ezra threw his head back and laughed, and if Anthony hadn’t already been so arse over tea kettle, he’d have been right then. Ezra’s wrist turned in Anthony’s grip, his hand coming up to clasp Anthony’s, and then he was pulling Anthony by the hand into the water.

“Come on, now.” He said, “let’s get this over with, shall we?”

~A~

Ezra was walking with Oscar after his shift at the library, heading to the coffee shop Anthony worked at, knowing the ginger would be off work soon, the two of them having discussed their schedules the night before. They were heading up to Edinburgh in Anthony’s car in the morning, a road trip to get new tattoos. Anthony was going to go to Ezra’s after his shift, stay there overnight so the two could leave early. But Ezra had figured there was no point in walking home when he could simply go there with Anthony anyway. 

“Anthony’s going to have black wings for his, which I think look quite lovely, and will go really well with his snake.” Ezra was explaining as they were only a street away from the coffee house.

Oscar gave a grin, but it looked troubled.

“I’m sorry, dear fellow, I realize you’re not a fan of the art form.” Ezra apologized, wringing his hands.

“No, it’s… it’s not that.” Oscar said, slowing down as he put his hands in his pockets. He looked down the road, then to Ezra. “You like him, don’t you?”

Ezra frowned. “Well of course I do! I dare say he’s my best friend. Aside from you, of course.”

Oscar nodded, “It’s… that’s not what I meant, Ezra.” He sighed heavily. “Look, when we were at the beach that last time, Violet…. She pointed out that you two were acting a lot… closer… than friends would normally act. Even best friends. You… touch each other. Which, you know, human contact is a good thing, but you touch one another more than either of you ever… touched me. I am saying that word an awful lot.” He said, removing a hand from his pocket and dragging it down his face. “I just… you’re more physically affectionate with him than you are with anyone. I’d say the same for him, too. And he calls you angel, which, I mean, more pet name than a nickname, and-”

“Oscar,” Ezra interrupted his face already quite red from having all this pointed out to him. “I… yes. Yes, I do quite like him. But it’s not like anything will ever happen, I’m quite beneath him.”

Oscar met his eye. “Did he tell you that?”

“Oh, no,” Ezra replied. “Oh, goodness, no. Quite the opposite, actually, I think more times than not he seems to think me above him. Which is ridiculous, I know, given… well everything.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Oscar said warmly. “You’re a catch by any bloke’s standards.” He then sighed again. “We aren’t… it’s not going to become anything more, this thing between us?”

Ezra wanted to assure Oscar, but he didn’t know of what. He also didn’t want to lie, because Oscar was right. They weren’t going to become anything more. It would be woefully unfair to both of them if Ezra allowed the idea of a romance to linger between them when he was more and more certain that his heart belonged to Anthony. 

“No.” He finally said. “I don’t believe it will. I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Oscar shrugged with a grin. “I’m disappointed, of course. I really liked you, and hoped for more, but,” He chuckled with a little mirth. “Ironically, the thing I hoped for just a bit more nipped that.”

“Which was?” Ezra frowned.

“For you and Anthony to get along with each other. I’d wanted the two of you to meet for ages, but it never worked out. And then you two end up rooming together, and… yeah.”

“I am sorry, though,” Ezra said sincerely. “I hate to have hurt you.”

“I’m just glad you were honest with me,” Oscar smirked. “When I asked Anthony he spluttered and tried to deny it all while blushing as red as his hair and not being able to look me in the eye.”

Ezra looked away, “He was probably horrified by the idea that you thought there was something between us.”

Oscar made a noise like he’d been about to say something, and then changed his mind, which got Ezra’s attention. Instead, Oscar shrugged. “We will still be friends, won’t we?”

“Of course, dear fellow. Believe me when I say I want nothing more.”

Oscar pursed his lips and nodded. “I’ll let you be on your way. Let me know when the pair of you get back to town.”

“We will,” Ezra assured, and then the two of them parted ways. 

The rest of the short walk, Ezra grappled with the idea that Oscar seemed to think that Anthony had a deeper affection for him than friendship. He supposed they were a bit unconventional in the way they were with one another. But, well, they’d lived together. There was a certain level of intimacy to that, and….

He walked into the cafe, caught Anthony’s eye where he stood behind the counter, and watched as the most brilliant smile lit up his face the moment he spotted Ezra.

 _Oh_ , Ezra thought as his heart skipped a beat and his breath all but left him. _Maybe Oscar isn’t completely off base._

~*~

It was that hope that had him suggesting a bit of a walk about the botanical gardens after they’d had their tattoos done. It was still quite early in the day, they didn’t have to be back home for hours yet, if at all, and he hoped that, perhaps, he could see if he was still brave or if he’d used all said bravery to get the bit of ink on his shoulder done.

It still ached and burned a little, but only a little. Not enough to deter him from enjoying their leisurely stroll. 

“I should’ve brought my sketch pad,” Anthony said as he and Ezra stopped to appreciate a particularly nice display. “Or gone into horticulture.” 

“I suppose you still could,” Ezra said with a slight shrug.

“Suppose,” Anthony grumbled. “Might be a few years, though. Wanna finish what I start.”

Ezra grinned sideways at him, then noted Anthony only had one of his hands in his pocket. It happened to be the one farthest from him, and Ezra immediately looked away, his heart starting to pound as an opportunity began to present itself. A way to test the waters.

He continued to steal peeks at Anthony’s left hand, noting it still hanging at his side when they stopped once more in another gorgeous area. 

“Now, see, this. All this here, just beautiful.” Anthony said, gesturing at the scene before them with his right hand before snaking it back into his pockets. “I don’t know if I’d ever be able to capture it properly, but I damn well want to try.”

Ezra took a deep breath. “I suppose sometime when we’re here for school, we could come on the weekend. Bring a spot of lunch, make a day of it.” He glanced at Anthony, seeing a slow smile curled his lips at the idea, and Ezra decided to take a chance and reached for Anthony’s hand.

He barely had his hand wrapped around it when Anthony whipped his head around at him, causing Ezra to pull back immediately.

“Sorry!” He said quickly. “So sorry! I suppose, I just… well I thought, but clearly, you don’t-”

Anthony’s hand darted out and grabbed his, interlocking their fingers. 

“Was… this what you were going for then?”

“M-more or less,” Ezra replied, his nod going on a hair too long.

Anthony didn’t appear to move or breathe, or anything for a few long seconds.

“When you said we should come back… did you mean on a date?” Anthony asked very quietly.

“I did.” Ezra swallowed nervously. “B-but it doesn’t have to be. It could just be as, well, as friends.”

Anthony blinked. “Right.” He nodded in small, quick motions. “But if I want it to be a date, it could be.”

“Oh,” Ezra took a deep breath. “Yes, yes I would very much like it to be.”

Anthony’s grin was small, almost shy. “Me too.” He agreed, and Ezra relaxed, stepping closer to Anthony until they were nearly pressed together.

~*~

By the time they made it back to the gardens, they’d already been on a dozen or so dates together. They spent far more time together than that, of course, but they had moments designated as intentional romantic outings versus simply existing together.

There was worry that living together would make things complicated, but it turned out Ezra and Anthony’s worries were unfounded. There was no awkwardness between them, and they continued on almost exactly as they had before they left for the summer. Of course, now when Anthony climbed into Ezra’s bed to snuggle, it’s where he ended up staying for the night. Ezra was less shy about changing but kept his back turned and never got properly naked with Anthony in the room.

“You know,” Anthony said as they strolled hand in hand in the garden. “I think there’s something I’d like to add to our routine if it’s alright with you.” He said as cool and calm as ever though Ezra knew him well enough to hear the tremor in his voice.

“Oh?” He asked, curious as to what Anthony was about to suggest but also expecting it.

“Kissing.” Anthony half-shouted and Ezra heroically did not laugh. “I’d like… kissing. If, you know, you want to. Which, you know, if you don’t-”

Ezra thought he’d save himself some rambling and simply kissed Anthony, just to say he would very much be open to adding such a thing to their routine.

It was so much different than kissing Oscar, so much better, that he found the simple peck he’d given was far from enough. It was some time before he was able to pull himself away, but not so long that it would have been indecent. 

“Right.” Anthony croaked. “So, kissing’s a thing.”

“If you can be patient with me, my dear, I’d likely be willing for other things to be a thing,” Ezra said, proud that he only blushed a little.

“Waiting, yep. That’s also a thing. Can do, just… yeah.” Anthony stammered, and Ezra giggled.

“I do adore how articulate you are.” He teased.

“Shut up,” Anthony said before leaning in and kissing away any further commentary Ezra might have made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated for a while, but decided to leave this one fairly open ended because it is so different from the others. I'd like to think Oscar still finds Richard eventually.  
> This was the last of the what-ifs. I don't know what I'll be working on next, or when it will post, so I want to thank all of you who had read this as well as the original fic. I made a playlist for the original that I forgot to share at the end of it, which you can find [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5C6QcIXTQgj9fPKSE4cy9V?si=9uPHcDR0SlWZoYulgWfgYA) on Spotify.  
> And please remember that the sandbox is open for anyone to play in, just let me know as I would love to see/read it.


End file.
